


There's no path

by gaylie



Series: There's no Path [1]
Category: Underfell - Fandom, Undertale (Video Game), underswap
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Mentions of Rape, Minor Character Death, Not Beta Read, Panic Attacks, Past Abuse, Rape, Weed, elements of dubcon/noncon, nightmares/terrors
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-11
Updated: 2016-11-03
Packaged: 2018-06-01 17:50:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 34
Words: 64,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6529999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gaylie/pseuds/gaylie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Underfell Sans finds himself in a new universe with no idea on how he got there in first place, and now has to try to find a way back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. What was going on?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yep, i started a honeymustard fic  
> absolutely no planning beforehand, im gonna write this all out of the blue  
> my wifi broke briefly, that's why i started writing this

Sans could only vaguely remember last... night? Day? He wasn't even sure, but apparently he had fallen unconscious at one point. Although his pre-unconsciousness memories and the place he had woken up minutes ago did not add up.

He had been drinking at Grillby's, he remembered. Enough that he was actually even surprised he remembered that at all. And then there'd been bos and he'd been mad. Sans had been mad too. God he'd been so mad and scared, so awfully scared Sans could feel himself shaking even now. And then Sans fled. Into the workshop behind the house, because that was the only place boss didn't know of.

And the next thing he could remember was that he woke up in Snowdin forest. He knew the place, it was a bit farther of the large door, straying away from the path. Boss had made him go there on patrol a couple of times before.

But why was he here now? Had he subconsciously teleported? Was there a bit of memory he was missing? Whatever it was, finding out about that had to wait.

There were footsteps coming from the path and immediately Sans was out of his post-unconscious haze and completely on guard again. It had been a mistake to ever _not_ be on guard in first place. Let alone unconscious. Anything could've happened.

The voices were coming from a pair of monsters, as far as Sans could tell. They weren't too far away, but out of sight, because of the amount of trees blocking it. Silently, warily Sans made his way through the mass of trees until there were just enough for him to hide behind, but was able to watch the other two monsters perfectly fine.

They seemed to be heading to the fence his boss had set up at one point, which meant they would pass by the sentry station he was supposed to be at right now.

A rush of anxiety overcame Sans. Were they sent by boss? The royal guard? Were they looking for him? Would they snitch if Sans wouldn't be at his post? They didn't look like royal guard monsters though, far not enough armor. They also didn't look like friends of his boss, far too… colorful. And chipper. In fact, they didn't look like any kind of monster Sans has met so far.

He could only make them out from behind. One was pretty tall, about the size of boss. They wore an orange hoodie and some baggy shorts, not very unlike Sans' own.

The other monster was smaller, maybe a bit smaller than Sans himself, but that could be the distance tricking his eye. They wore some sorta fake armor in different bright blue tones, with a scarf around his neck, tied to a ribbon on the back.

They looked like anything but the kind of monsters Sans knew. Tourists? He laughed bitterly. Yea right, since when were tourists coming to visit his personal hellhole? Besides, there wasn't a single place in the underground Sans knew of that inhabited monsters as laid back and innocent as they seemed.

Maybe it was a trick, a facade, to make people think they were easy prey. Free EXP. While they were not. Sans couldn't let his guard down.

That was easier said than done, because now that the rush of adrenaline from his anxiety wore off, the post-unconscious haze came back, and it seemed to have been even more than that. Sans suddenly wondered how long exactly he had been out. He couldn't tell, but he didn't seem to have eaten in a while and he was feeling quite dizzy and weak. Desperately Sans tried to stay conscious, then tried to retreat into the woods again, but his vision was fading, he lost his balance, and the last thing Sans noticed was the sharp snap of a stick, before the sweet yet scary bliss of unconsciousness overcame him once more.

 

 

Sans woke up in a bed. Not his bed, he noticed that immediately, because he couldn't feel any of the springs in the mattress. Once he also opened his eyes, he noticed that it wasn't his house either. It was far too bright, colorful, clean and _happy._

Immediately fear overcame Sans and he jumped, sitting upright on the bed, almost screaming. His breathing fastened, short, fast breaths. So short and fast it didn't feel like he was breathing at all and Sans knew he was hyperventilating, but he had bigger problems right now.

Quickly he checked his wrists, limbs, his neck, finding that there were absolutely no chains or ropes or whatsoever. He was so far free. But then why was he here?  
Frantically he glanced around the room for some sort of traces for his kidnapper, but he was alone. At least in this room. There were voices coming from outside of it.

Sans tried to force his breathing to calm down, chocking a little as it now got irregular, but ignored the sharp pain in his throat, as well as the tears in the corners of his eyes. At least once he felt oxygen filling his lungs again properly, he could clear his head a little.

He was trapped in a room he didn't know, in a house he didn't know. He wasn't alone, but no one chained or tied him up. Did he owe anyone money? Did someone swore revenge on him? Did he know anyone that would kidnap him?  
The list of names that would immediately came to his mind upon those questions was too long for Sans to even begin with.

His whole mind went racing again as he heard steps coming closer to the room. He jumped up, looking for an escape route. There was a window. Locked, but not sealed up by any wooden plates or the likes. He could jump through the glass, maybe he could-

He took a step, legs buckling, then promptly fell down again, landing back on the bed. The door opened.

“OH! YOU'RE AWAKE! THANK GOD, I WAS STARTING TO GET WORRIED!”

Sans stared at the new monster, glaring, trying to cover up his own fear by looking intimidating, scary. He wasn't sure if it worked, the other monster at least did not seem fazed at all. Sans was only a little surprised to find that his kidnapper had been the very same monster he had spotted in the woods before passing out. The small, chubby blue one. He was surprised to find that the monster was also a skeleton monster. Just like Sans, who was also small and chubby, but maybe not blue.

The other monster came a couple of steps closer, stopping as immediately Sans flinched, scooting away from them until his back hit the wall. He glowered at the other monster like a wild animal in fear, suppressing the urge to cover his face with his arms.

“WOAH, WOAH! YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE SCARED, I'M NOT GONNA HURT YOU!” The monster, holding their hands up in a soothing manner. It did not help Sans. He didn't know this monster, this place, or how he'd gotten there, and he had _no_ reason to trust them.

“w-why did you bring me here?” Sans stammered, cursing at him for sounding so scared. He couldn't let them know how scared he war! They would use this weakness, they would use _him._

“MY BROTHER FOUND YOU UNCONSCIOUS IN THE FOREST SO WE BROUGHT YOU HERE. MAN, YOU WERE ASLEEP FOR LIKE TWO DAYS, I WAS REALLY GETTING WORRIED!”

Worried? _Hah!_ Did that monster really think Sans was as naive as to let those little tries trick him into trusting them? Oh, he knew better than that. He knew so fucking well not to trust any petty lies, fake love, all this fucking shit. He knew so much better than not to trust _anyone._

Before Sans could say anything, not that he knew what to say really, he heard steps of another monster approaching, and soon the tall monster they'd been accompanied by joined them.

If Sans could back up against the wall any more he would, instead he just cowered on the bed, eyes widening, as he stared up at a _literal copy of his boss_.

“hey, you're up,” the tall skeleton huffed, leaning one arm on top of his smaller brothers head. The smaller skeleton let out a small complaining noise, but did not stop him in the end.

“we were really getting' worried 'bout you. you ok?”

Ok? _Okay?_ Sans was _far_ from okay! He was stuck in a strange house, with strange skeletons, that looked exactly like _himself_ and his fucking _boss_ , but laid back and lazy and chipper and happy, like some naive children that never got raised properly! Where was his boss? Where was his home? Why was he _here?_

“PAPS, I THINK HE'S SCARED OF US???” The smaller, bluer version of Sans said, sounding kind of worried and upset.

“huh, i guess so. would be too if i woke up in a stranger's bed.”  
“ _who are you!?_ ” Sans snapped at them, unable to keep his confusion and anger in any longer. How _dare_ they? How _dare_ they make a parody of himself and his boss! No one will ever take them serious that way, _no one!_

“name's papyrus,” the lanky skeleton said, taking a large step towards a bed and holding out a hand. Out of reflex Sans flinched, holding his arms up defensively now. Papyrus pulled the hand back. “welp.”

This person was _not_ Papyrus. He was _not_ his boss, Papyrus! He couldn't be! _How was this possible?_

Once 'Papyrus' finished introducing himself, the smaller monsters' smile grew a little, seeing his turn to introduce himself. He didn't hold out a hand though, or stepped closer, simply stayed at his spot and smiled to Sans, trying not to scare him again.

“PAPS IS MY BROTHER,” he said. “MY NAME IS SANS!”  
Sans laughed.

This was insane. A sick dream! Right, that's what it had to be. A dream, a nightmare, that he would wake up from sooner or later.

He laughed, he couldn't stop.  
There were tears running down his face.

He didn't stop laughing.

He didn't understand.

What was going on?

 


	2. It would be easier if he were just dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I DID NOT EXPECT THIS FIC TO GET _THAT_ MUCH ATTENTION???  
>  thank you all for the nice comments and kudos oh my god??

It was pretty clear that Sans was having a panic attack. Or maybe an anxiety attack? Actually, no, it was not clear at all, but _what_ was clear, was that something in his brain touched a mental hot stove and he was losing his shit, cowered in a corner, still sitting on the bed. He had stopped laughing after a few minute, and the fat tears were slowly stopping to run down his face as well.  
He was fine, Sans told himself. He was fine, he was fine, he was fine. He was not. Not at all, but the thought made him feel sick and anxious and it was easier to try to pretend he was fine than to face reality.

This was fine. So he was stuck with some weird copies of himself and his boss, having a bad panic attack, while they just stood there, watching silently. So what? He's had worse. Probably.

“BROTHER, OH GOD, BROTHER, I THINK WE BROKE HIM,” the blue Sans wailed after he still hadn't stopped shaking from crying. Papyrus was watching him, concerned, but he felt a little helpless. He had never seen someone having a mental breakdown as bad as this guy, and he's had some bad mental breakdowns himself before in the past. He wasn't sure what to do or what to say, and kind of just awkwardly scratched the back of his skull.

“hey, uh, sans, why don't you grab him a plate of tacos?” Papyrus decided after a while. “i'm sure he's pretty hungry.” It wasn't exactly a lie. The monster had been out for several days, and souls didn't do well with little magic, and magic didn't do well with little food. But maybe Papyrus also wanted to get his brother out of the room for a moment. To spare him from seeing this monsters panic attack, and to maybe have a few words with said monster in private.

Sans nodded, eager to help any way he could, before he dashed out of the room. Only a minute later there was the clanking of plates and kitchen tools to be heard from downstairs.

Papyrus sat down on the bed, not surprised to see the small red monster flinch at the motion.

“hey, you're safe. relax,” he said, trying to calm the stranger down a bit. It didn't work. The other skeleton just glared at him as if he was expecting an attack any second. He probably was.

He was.

Sans felt weak and trapped and grossly wet from tears now, too. He didn't want to be here, he wanted to get home, but something told him that his 'home' wasn't exactly that easy to get to anymore. The colorful atmosphere, the relaxed talking, those were hardly things that even _existed_ in Sans' world. He wasn't there anymore, and he started to get an idea why.

He still couldn't exactly remember what had happened when he fled into the workshop, but Sans knew he kept a machine there. A machine he didn't know himself what it was supposed to do, or how it got there in first place. He had tried to fix it for a while, tried to read its plans and blueprints but it showed itself as harder than expected. Sans had eventually decided he couldn't fix that damn machine.

But naturally, you can't fix something that's not broken in first place, right?

He couldn't remember what exactly happened, but this strange machine, showing up out of nowhere, having seemingly been there since _forever_ , was really the only clue he had right now. And it didn't help him at all. It just made the situation kind of worse.

“you got a name, pal?” The Papyrus asked, after a few minutes of silence. Sans glared at him. _Pal!_ They hardly _knew_ each other, yet he was throwing such a casual term in the room. He didn't feel comfortable with that. He didn't feel comfortable with anything here.

“sans,” he grumbled under his breath, figuring that there was no point or reason to hide his name from them. There was a weak laugh coming from Papyrus.

“kinda guessed,” he admitted. “you're not from here, are you? and i don't mean that as in you came from the capital or whatever.”

“i live in snowdin.” Did Snowdin exist here? Wait, yes, he had woken up in Snowdin forest. Where was he right now, though?

“yea, look, i've been living in snowdin for most of my live. pretty sure i would've noticed a second sans, except in red with, uh,” Papyrus paused, glancing over Sans for a moment, seemingly overthinking something. “you got a lot of cracks there, pal.”  
Sans flinched, almost out of reflex. Of course the cracks were the first thing they'd noticed. Just another thing to make him look weak. Vulnerable. He hadn't gotten a single one of those cracks from actually _fighting_ someone. He didn't fight people. He stayed out of trouble, not risking to lose his lousy 1 HP, but one person he could _never_ avoid was his boss.

Most of those cracks were from boss.

“sorry, touchy subject, huh?” Papyrus continued, sounding apologetic.

Sans didn't answer. He didn't feel like talking at all. There was a tight knot forming in his throat and all he wanted to do was to get home. Or maybe sleep. Or maybe jump down the next cliff.

There was another pause, a tense moment of quiet. It were probably just a couple of seconds, maybe minutes, but to Sans time seemed to be ticking away so god damn slowly. It was horrible. He just wanted to be alone so badly.

“you, uh, know about the timelines? alternate universes and such?” Papyrus eventually asked. Sans squinted at him confused, but then nodded. He knew a bit about them. Was that what this is? Some sort of alternate universe? How was that possible?  
Sans could tell that Papyrus meant to say more, but before he could get any words out there were footsteps running up some stairs, before the smaller, blue Sans dashed into the room again. He was holding a plate of what seemed to be tacos. And they smelled good, really good, compared to what boss would make Sans usually eat. It made him realize how hungry he actually was, but in the worst way possible. Sans didn't think he would actually be able to eat or stomach anything right now.

“I MADE YOU TACOS, STRANGER!!!” The chipper blue Sans announced, presenting the plate now, but still keeping a fair distance.

Sans glanced away, brow furrowing. “not hungry,” he huffed quietly. He didn't like it here. he didn't like the way those monsters treated him. He wanted back home. He wanted back, so badly it hurt. The thought of it hurt.

“COME ON,” blue Sans continued, voice dropping a little with disappointment, “YOU SHOULD AT LEAST EAT A LITTLE. YOU LOOK VERY WEAK.”

“i'm _not_ weak!” Sans snapped back immediately, bringing the 'Papyrus' to get up a little alarmed.

“hey now,” he said, still sounding as calm and collected as before, but with a hint of a warning in his voice. “just calm down. we're just worried you'll pass out again or something.”  
“so what? 's not your problem if i pass out.”

The blue Sans looked surprised, almost confused as he came a little closer. He stopped beside his brother, who immediately lied one hand on blue Sans' shoulder.

“OF COURSE IT WOULD BE OUR PROBLEM,” he said, as if that was the most natural fact ever. “YOU'RE OUR GUEST AND WE DON'T WANT YOU TO FEEL BAD. COME ON, JUST EAT ONE AT LEAST.”

Sans huffed at that, leaning away from the plate held towards him, but eventually resigned. He took one of the tacos, eying it carefully. Was this a trap? Would it be poisoned?

His stomach hurt.

“whatever,” he muttered under his breath, before taking a bite of the food, savoring the taste. It didn't taste strange or poisoned, just kind of cold, and Sans decided it would be safe to take another bite.

He could feel the stared of the other two monsters on him, watching him as if he was some kind of circus attraction. It would make his skin crawl, if he had any, but he hadn't. Instead it just made him feel more anxious, kind of over-conscious, and he really just wished they would leave him alone.

He could hear a sharp intake of air.

“SO???” Blue Sans asked in anticipation. “WHAT DO YOU THINK? DOES IT TASTE GOOD?”

Sans glanced at him, raising a brow, but then shrugged.

“it's ok i guess,” he murmured, glancing back to his half eaten taco. He really wanted to eat more, he felt so god damn weak and hungry, but every bite he did made him feel a little more sick, and Sans was scared he would end up throwing up or something. It had happened before. Sometimes his stomach would just rebel if he felt too anxious or panicked.

“hey, sans?” Papyrus asked, and both of the smaller skeletons looked up at him. “uh, new sans.”  
“YOUR NAME IS SANS???” The blue Sans asked exaggeratedly surprised. Sans simply shrugged in reply.

“it's getting late, uh… are you gonna be alright if we leave you alone?” Papyrus continued. Sans glared at him for a moment surprised.

“ _of course,_ ” he retorted, sounding almost offended. Quite offended actually. “i'm not a kid.”  
Papyrus rolled his eyes. “geez, alright. was just checking.”  
“WE'RE JUST IN THE NEXT ROOM! IF YOU NEED ANYTHING JUST CALL US!” Blue Sans told him, before the two of them left the room, closing the door behind them.

Sans sighed once he was along again, relaxing a little. Not wholly, not even a lot, but just a little. It was easier to deal with this alone, without everyone's eyes on you.

He took a few more bites of the taco still in his hands and finished it. There were two more on the plate blue Sans had left him, but he didn't feel like eating any more. Instead Sans wondered if he should break out. Or just leave, perhaps. It didn't seem like those alternate versions of him and boss seemed to actually want to keep Sans trapped here. He still couldn't understand why they _brought_ him here then. They could've also just let him lie in the snow and rot to death. It would've been easier for them. It would've been easier for Sans too, he thought. It would be easier if he were just dead.


	3. It was almost like Sans' situation, but brother-swapped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW that's a lotta comments  
> i actually wanted to like, answer to most comments bc i absolutely love all of them and am so god damn grateful all the time but???  
> im rly socially anxious tbh and it makes it rly hard for me to answer to comments s o  
> i m s o r r y
> 
> oh also im trying to get into it that they call the sanses red n' blueberry, but just not yet because i really like the idea of people sharing a name, okay, i have two fatima's in my school and its rly funny everytime I say "Fatima" and one looks at me and i'm like "uh, no i meant the other"

Sans was pacing around the room, back and forth, trying to figure out what to do. He was still feeling rather weak, but after being asleep for two days, and hell _knows_ how many days before that, he was feeling rather restless.

Looking out of the window Sans had quickly figured out that, yes, this was the same house he and boss had lived in. Or, well, it was placed at the same spot. He recognized the view through the window easily.

So this _was,_ in fact, another timeline. An alternate universe. And he _had_ to get back to his somehow. But how? Did the Sans of this universe have the same machine he owned? This Sans hardly seemed like the scientist kind of type, then again, Sans figured that he didn't either. But he didn't know how the machine worked anyways. Last time he had activated it… _had_ he even activated it? He wasn't sure, it was just some wild assumption he was pretty convinced of, but not entirely.

Sans stopped pacing through the room and put his arms around his stomach, hugging himself.

He had _no_ idea how to get back to his universe. His house. His boss. Was there even a way? Would Sans be stuck here forever?

What was going on in _his_ universe right now? Was he missing? Was he being replaced with some copy of himself? If former was the case, was boss looking for him?  
Sans laughed.  
Yea, _right._ Boss was probably glad to be finally rid of him. Glad that that _burden_ of a brother finally got lost. Maybe he hadn't even noticed Sans was gone. Maybe he never would. And he sure as hell wouldn't _find_ Sans, because heck, knowing boss, he probably wouldn't even look for him.

Sans grip around his stomach tightened. Was it even worth going back? His universe fucking _sucked._ His boss fucking sucked. His life fucking sucked. Sans was surprised he hadn't killed himself ages ago, and even more surprised boss hadn't killed him ages ago.

But he couldn't stay here, right? It wasn't Sans' universe. He wasn't supposed to be here. Who knew what was gonna happen? Who knew what the monsters here were up to? Maybe they just acted all sweet and caring to stab him from behind. Maybe that was their deal. Or maybe they were actually the way they pretended to be, but would get scared of Sans. See him as a threat. Kill him. He wouldn't blame them. The universe he came from wasn't exactly friendly, and neither was Sans.

He started tapping his foot on the ground, watching it move concentrated, but not actually paying attention to it.

Maybe he should go away. It was late, this Papyrus had told him, and the two other monsters were probably already asleep. But where would he go? Sans didn't know any places to go to, to hide at. He had no plans as to what to do or where to stay. His best shot was to ask this universe's Sans about the machine and maybe try to get it work. Try to find a way back.

He stopped the motion of his foot, noticing it in first place, and realized that he was getting exhausted again. Dammit, he hadn't even moved a lot, was he really that weakened? There was no point in getting upset about it, Sans decided and threw off his jacket. He didn't bother with the rest of his clothes, his sneakers were already off anyways, then crawled under the blankets of the bed.

The bed was so goddamn soft and the blankets were actually warm. Hell, it was even new for him to _have_ blankets. Usually Sans would just sleep on this old, dirty mattress lying on the ground. He was almost certain boss had found it at the garbage place one day and brought it home just so Sans had to move from the rather okay couch to this even worse mattress. And then he acted like a god damn hero all day, saying he's so great and Sans should be fucking grateful and what not. He had been grateful at that point. He wasn't anymore.

The bed he was lying on now was more soft and warm and comfortable than anything he had ever slept on, yet he couldn't fall asleep. He didn't feel safe. He didn't feel like he was supposed to be here. He didn't belong here, this wasn't his place to be at.

He rolled himself up, half of his head under the blankets, and started silently cursing to himself. Why couldn't he just _shut off_ this god damn mind of his for _once?_ Why did it have to keep on talking and talking and talking about everything that's wrong and dangerous? Why couldn't he just feel safe enough for _one night_ to actually sleep? Why did he have to have so little control over his own god damn mind?

It made him sick. He didn't want to be here.

 

 

Apparently Sans had fallen asleep after all, because eventually he woke up to rather loud noises coming from downstairs. Sans opened his eyes groggily, rubbing the back of his hand on them to rub out the sleep. What time was it? Why was boss being so noisy?

It only took him a second at that thought to remember where he was. Immediately Sans jolted up, breathing heavily, glancing around the room. He was still where he had been yesterday. He was still alone in the room. It didn't exactly make him feel better, but at least he knew where he was.

Again, there were noises coming from down stairs and it sounded like kitchen noises. Silverware clinking against plates, the chopping of something, sounds like that. Sans wondered if he should maybe go downstairs.

He moved to the side of the bed, putting his feed on the ground and stretched himself, before he actually got up. His jacket was still lying on the floor. Compared to the tidy space of the room the jacket looked dirty and ragged. _Sans_ looked dirty and ragged. His universe hadn't exactly been the cleanest. There were more important things to worry about, like not getting robbed at night, not getting dusted and not getting dusted by robbers at night. But now he felt out of place like that. Not that he hadn't felt out of place before. It was just another reminder of _how much_ out of place Sans was.

He put on the dirty jacket and trudged towards the door of the room. He didn't feel tired anymore, but maybe that was thanks to the adrenaline boost caused from his anxiety. He _did_ feel hungry, but said adrenaline boost still made his stomach feel clenched and sick. He didn't think he would eat anything for the next few hours, at least not happily so.

Hesitatingly Sans moved his hand to the doorknob, but then flinched back again. _Should_ he go downstairs? What would be there for him? At least one monster waiting to strike up another awkward conversation with him, and probably try to get him to eat. He didn't want that. Talking felt hard, and eating even more so.

Sans knew he should leave, that there was no point in staying in this room. That he could leave the house and move on, or maybe look around at least, or ask about the machine. But he did not leave the room. Despite knowing exactly that he couldn't avoid talking or eating forever, and that it would be over a lot sooner if he just went down there now, he stayed in the room, sitting down on the bed again.

It was like the universe decided to put his attempts in vain, as almost as soon as Sans decided to avoid confronting the skeletons, he heard a knock on the door. Surprised Sans straightened up, glaring at the door. He didn't say anything, unable to register he was supposed to. Boss never knocked. Of course Sans knew the concept of knocking a door, boss would _kill_ him if Sans would let himself just into his room, but Sans had never been on, well, this side of the door in that scenario.

The knocking repeated, followed by a worried voice. “SA… SANS???”

It was easy to decipher as the blue Sans, seemingly new to saying his own name out aloud, but not meaning himself. Well, it wasn't _too_ strange. Monsters coincidentally having the same name was a thing after all. But it was still weird in a way.

“what?” Sans grunted, not getting up from the bed. The door opened moments later, the small, blue Sans letting himself in.

“I MADE BREAKFAST TACOS,” he announced, sounding happy, but obviously holding himself back with his enthusiasm. “I AM SURE YOU MUST BE HUNGRY???”  
“'m not,” Sans muttered, glancing away from blue Sans and instead to the plate of tacos that was still lying around from yesterday. He dug his fingers into the fabric of his pants, deciding to tell him a bit more.

“feel too sick to eat.” Maybe he would leave him be now.  
“OH GOODNESS, NO!!!” Blue Sans immediately gasped, almost dropping the plate of tacos. “I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE FEELING SICK! DO YOU NEED ANY MEDICATIONS??? PAPS HAS SOME, I THINK, FOR WHEN HE GETS ALCOHOL-SICK.”

Sans blinked at the other version of himself surprised. “n-no,” he began. “no thanks...” He had never been offered meds before. They just weren't really… a thing where he came from. Or at least not unless you were like, super high class. Royal guard, royalty or, well, a medic. And while boss _was_ a big member of the royal guard, he sure as hell did not do shit to help his brother with his problems.

“hey, what's all the commotion about…?” This world's Papyrus was tiredly, still half asleep, trudging towards the two Sanses and into the room, rubbing sleep out of his eye-sockets and leaning against the door frame.

“oh, hey, you're awake. uh, both of you,” Papyrus muttered, offering a weak, drowsy smile. “do i smell breakfast tacos?”  
Immediately the blue Sans straightened up at that question, beaming up at Papyrus.

“YOU DO! I MADE SOME FOR ALL OF US, BUT… SANS FEELS TOO SICK TO EAT.”

At that Papyrus glanced past his brother towards Sans, who was still sitting on the edge of the bed, trying not to invade their conversation. Or, well, trying to block out his anxiety about being under people, even if it were just two. Two were two too many.

“huh, that sucks,” Papyrus muttered, sounding not really worried. More like he was trying to be polite, but didn't actually care a lot. “breakfast is really important after all. would _break_ a limb for it every day.”  
“OH MY GOD.” Blue Sans was rubbing the bridge of his nose-hole.

“hey, i hate to _break_ it to ya, bro, but i could never keep all these puns in,” Papyrus grinned at his brother. “they would _eat_ me up.”  
“I'M NOT GOING TO LISTEN TO THIS,” the blue Sans decided, handing the plate of tacos to Papyrus and stomping out. “I'M IN THE KITCHEN. PAPS, I GOTTA LEAVE FOR PATROL SOON.”  
“got it,” Papyrus said, watching his brother leave with an affectionate smile. Then he turned back to Sans.

“hey, you alright?” He asked, sitting down next to the strange version of his brother, but keeping a fair distance still.

Sans didn't answer, clutching tight on the fabric of his shorts.

“'s gotta be tough waking up in a different universe, huh?” Papyrus asked, not expecting an answer. Instead he just continued. “any plan how you got here in first place?”

Sans shook his head. “you wouldn't understand,” he muttered under his breath.

Papyrus shrugged, taking a loud, crunchy bite of one of the tacos. “try me.”

Sans took a deep breath, considering his options. Then decided he might as well try to explain his suspicions.

“uh…,” he began, hooking his fingers into each other, “there's this machine… i don't, uh, exactly know where it came from or… what it does, but-”  
“oh yea, i have that one too,” Papyrus pointed out. Sans stared at him surprised. “yea, er, sans doesn't know about it. it's in a workshop behind the house, but i don't think it's working.”  
It was almost like Sans' situation, but brother-swapped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i didn't actually want to end it here, but it was getting too long, so. eh.


	4. He knew better than to just trust anyone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have no idea what im doing but im starting to make uf!sans less uf!sans and more me but with attitude  
> i actually wanted to always use the last sentence for chapter titles, but that sounded like garbage on this one so i just chose a different sentece

None of this was adding up. Weren't they supposed to be, like, alternate versions of him and boss? Sure, they were quite different, personality-wise, but Sans would've figured that things like who owned the workshop and such would, well. Stay the same.

“why do _you_ know about the workshop?” Sans asked surprised. Papyrus simply shrugged nonchalantly.

“i dunno, why shouldn't i?”  
“w-well, boss doesn't know about the workshop,” Sans muttered, growing more uncomfortable. Talking a bit, a few words, maybe a few sentences, was fine. Sometimes. But if he had to talk for too long Sans would grow nervous, anxious. Papyrus staring at him confused did not help either.

“boss?” He asked, and Sans remembered that the blue Sans called this Papyrus by his name. Or, well, nicknames?  
“my, uh, universes papyrus,” Sans clarified.

“oh,” Papyrus answered, suddenly very mundane. “aren't you brothers?”

“u-uh, we are.” This was _not_ going the way Sans had intended to. “about the machine-”  
“right. i guess it's just me here who found the machine instead of, well, you. sans.” Papyrus continued, back at his normal self. “it really shouldn't be the weirdest thing, right?”

Sans shrugged. He figured Papyrus was right somewhere. Maybe it was stupid to bother about which brother knew about the workshop and machine, and which didn't, even if the thought of boss knowing about the workshop scared Sans. The workshop was the only place Sans had been able to hide from him at home. Well, until it managed to 'port him into a whole new god damn universe.

“so the machine got you here?” Papyrus asked and Sans nodded slowly.

“i think so,” he muttered, his voice growing more quiet the longer he had to be in this conversation. “don't remember how, though. don't remember a lot.”

“well, that sure makes things more complicated.”  
Was this Papyrus trying to get him back? Sans could've felt offended maybe, or relieved, but he kind of just felt confused. Why did he care? He could also just throw Sans out and tell him to find his own way back. It wasn't like it made a difference for Papyrus in the end.

Papyrus seemed to pick up on his counterparts discomfort and sighed as he got up.

“if you want we can check out the machine,” he said. “i'll be in the living room. you can come down anytime you feel ready.”

And with that the tall skeleton left Sans alone. He felt relieved, at first. Than more anxious, about what Papyrus had said. Not that he had said anything bad, just. The thought of the two of them being in the workshop scared him. But he knew he had to check out the machine sooner or later. He had to get back somehow after all. So, the thought of going downstairs and having to tell this Papyrus that he _wanted_ to go to the workshop scared him as well.

Stupid, there was no god damn reason to be so scared and uncomfortable. Sure, yes, wary. On guard. Suspecting. Those were natural instincts to keep himself safe from sudden danger. But why did he have to feel so god damn _sick_ of fear and worry about something as silly as talking to someone, asking them about things, anything. Why was he so sick of fear _all_ the time, his never-silent mind always finding new reasons to worry about.

Those weren't dangers to be scared of. Sans _knew_ what he would have to be scared of, boss had showed him often enough. Sans knew that things often weren't as bad as he would make them out to be. At least he always got through them somehow. Scarred, hurt sometimes. Bleeding, weak and broken, but he got through them. It would be so much easier to just shut off and endure things as they came.

But instead he felt this tugging, nagging anxiety about literally everything. Every tiniest thing had the power to make him feel so sick and scared he just wanted to scream or cry or claw open his own bones. Something, anything, to make his mind shut up. To make this worrying fear stop.

Obviously nothing ever worked.

Sans noticed he was kneeling on the floor, arms over his head, fat tears rolling down his face. He sat up, slowly, wiping away the tears with his sleeve, then glancing towards the door. It was closed, good. That meant Papyrus had hopefully not heard him sob. There was a chance that Sans had been screaming, it happened sometimes when he got panic attacks like that. But if he had screamed someone would've probably come into the room, and he was still alone, so he was probably fine.

Good.  
It took Sans a while to calm down again. He wasn't sure how long, there wasn't a clock in the room, but he figured it must've been at least half an hour. Could've also been an hour or more though, Sans sense of time wasn't really the best. But eventually he got himself together and got up, feeling kind of weak and tired, or maybe just numb by now. He slowly opened the door, leaving the room, and going downstairs.

Only to find that the living room was _empty._ It was incredible. _Incredible!_ He had spent ages emotionally flipping out and preparing himself to get down here and face his boss' god damn counterpart, only to find that he wasn't _there._ The living room was just _empty._

Was Papyrus messing with him? He had told him he'd be here, Sans was _certain._ So why wasn't he? To see Sans get even more uncomfortable? Well, he sure as hell succeeded at that.

Balling his hands to fists in the pockets of his jacket Sans began pacing around the room. At least he got a look at the house now for the first time. It looked almost exactly like the one he would live in with boss, except more colorful. Warmer. Friendlier. Foreign. It was a lot more obvious that people _lived_ in here. It was tidy, but not too sterile. Boss kept their home tidy, too, but it was worn down and broken. Uncomfortable.

There was a click and Sans could feel himself tugging on the fabric on the inside of his pockets, as he spun around to face the front door. It opened slowly and Papyrus trudged in, looking somewhat surprised to see Sans, but not shocked so.

“oh, hey. you been waiting?” He asked, agonizingly relaxed and slow.

“yes!” Sans snapped. “y-you said you would be _here._ ” He suddenly sounded ridiculous. Like a little child. But he did not stop glaring at Papyrus.

“uh, yea, sorry. i was just out for a sec, sans doesn't like it when i smoke inside,” Papyrus explained, moving to scratch the back of his neck.

Moving closer to Sans, who had to fight flinching back a bit, the smell of smoke confirmed his words, much to Sans' surprise. His boss had hated it when Sans would smoke, so he had gotten rid of that habit long ago. Maybe, though, boss only hated it out of the mere reason that it helped Sans relax. And god forbid Sans feeling not-awful for a second.

“so, you wanted to check out the machine?” Papyrus asked, nodding towards the front door. “'s just behind the house.”

Sans nodded, silently following this world's Papyrus. The workshop was placed exactly where it was in his universe, but here Papyrus was the one with the small shiny key. He unlocked the door, pushing it open to reveal the workshop. It was, so far, the only place Sans has seen here that looked _exactly_ like in his universe.

It was small and clean and cold, the floor tiled, and almost entirely empty aside from the machine covered under a tarp, the counter and the blueprints spread across the counter. There were a few drawers that Sans was honestly curious to peek through to see if the contents of it would be the same, but he wouldn't with Papyrus around.

Immediately Sans felt a little more at ease at this place. Not safe or comfortable, certainly not, but the familiarity with this place and the fact that this is where he had always been safe from boss made him feel the tiniest bit more at ease. Maybe even, if this world's Papyrus wouldn't be here, he would actually feel somewhat safe. But this world's Papyrus _was_ here.

“i don't think it works, though,” he suddenly said. “the machine i mean. never got it to work.”  
“c-can i, uh… check it out?” Sans asked. He usually would just go ahead and tug the tarp on top of it off, but this wasn't _his_ workshop. It was Papyrus', and even if this Papyrus seemed a lot more… relaxed than boss, Sans still did not feel safe around him.

“sure,” Papyrus answered, “go ahead.”

S ans glanced at him a last time, before he nodded hesitatingly and stepped towards the machine, pulling the tarp off. It looked exactly like the one in his universe when Sans had first found it. Did this Papyrus work on it at all? It sure didn't look like it. Actually after some closer examinations, Sans noticed a few bits and pieced Papyrus seemed to have worked on and they actually did seem to look pretty good. But still, there was no way this thing was going to work yet.   
Sans crouched down, opening a little hatch to look at the inner workings of the machines. It looked a lot better than it had in his universe. All pieces were still there and in a rather good  state. Sans meant to keep it that way. He  _had_ broken quite a few pieces in his universe, thrown them or shattered them in frustration when he couldn't get the thing to work. They proved itself to be rather hard to replace, especially when Sans didn't even know what a lot of those pieces were.

P ushing a couple of wires out of the way Sans looked closer into the machine, concentrated on trying to figure out if there were any things missing or misplaced. Concentrated enough to almost forget Papyrus in the room. Definitely concentrated enough to not notice Papyrus moving closer, crouching down next to Sans, a little behind him, until Sans could hear his voice far too close.

“hey, by the way,” he said, and Sans could feel him hooking a finger through the spiked collar around Sans' neck. “what's this? or rather, why're you wearing this?”

He could feel him tugging gently on the collar and Sans' breath hitched. He tensed up, sucking in a breath, but honestly, subconsciously, Sans was proud of his reaction. He could've screamed instead, begged for mercy in reflex, because of the memories of boss tugging on his collar that never left him.

“ _don't touch me,_ ” he snapped instead, immediately grabbing the collar with his own hands, moving it back in place.

Papyrus flinched back, holding his hands up to his chest apologetic, muttering a quick “woa, sorry.”

Sans huffed, removing his hands from the collar and turned back to the machine. He considered taking it off. He hated that piece of leather around his neck, a clear prove of his submission to boss. He wanted to rip it off, tearing it into pieces, but he  _couldn't_ . He knew it was a silly thought, but he  _still_ feared that there was one way or another boss would find out if he did. Even through different universes. And Sans  _knew_ that  _if_ boss would find out, he would be dust. Or, well, he would have to get through some kind of punishment that would leave Sans  _wishing_ he was dust.

Sans was so deep in thought again, he almost jolted when he heard Papyrus' voice ripping through.

“what happened to you?” He asked vaguely, but Sans could easily figure what he meant. “i mean- i barely know you, but even sans can tell that something's fucked up wherever you come from.”  
Sans didn't answer, didn't even blink or look at him.

“welp. you don't have to tell me,” Papyrus continued, “but y'know. you should at least know that you're safe here. idunno what's going on in your world, but that's not happening here.”  
Sans didn't believe him. He had no reason to not trust him, to be scared of him, or to assume anyone here wanted to harm him, but Sans did not trust him. He knew better than to just trust anyone.

H e could hear Papyrus sigh, figuring that Sans would not answer him to that either.

“hey, you need help with that?” He asked instead, opening the door of the hatch a little wider. Sans shook his head.

“i want to be alone,” he murmured in reply, still not looking at Papyrus. He focused back on the machine.

“alright then. i'm in the living room if you need me,” the taller skeleton replied, getting up and moving towards the door. “the tools are in one of the drawers, feel free to dig through 'em.”  
Sans nodded, but didn't move until he heard the door closing behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im gonna start with the nicknames in the next chapter


	5. ...maybe he felt jealous.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. happy 420, i considered letting them smoke in this chapter but nah (i want to tho, idk but i love stoner pap/sans, but im a rly bad writer???)  
> 2\. thanks SO much for all the rad comments, oh my god??? honestly though, i dont even know why any of y'all r reading/enjoying this so much, i write most of this at 2-4 AM when my brain is goo and im already bad at writing when brain is not goo, but thanks???  
> i rly love u guys  
> but, like. don't expect too much from me pls

It had been a week  and Sans was absolutely frustrated.  Sans had spent hours, day and night, working on that god damn piece of garbage machine, and made about zero fucking progress. He was used to not making any progress of course, but it had never mattered before. Now he was stuck here, with his only hope being the machine, and with every passing day the anxiety of that he could never fix it grew. And hell! He wasn't even sure if the machine actually  _was_ the key to getting back.

It had been a whole god damn week. At least Sans was starting to get more comfortable living with the brothers. Or, well, not exactly comfortable. He found it easier to walk around the house, eat, sometimes watch TV, but he was still on guard most of the time. And interacting with people left him… drained. He just wanted a break. And not just of the brothers. Of this universe. He wanted to be  _home._

Papyrus seemed to have quickly gotten sick of both his brother and Sans always reaction when he called either of them, so the tall skeleton had decided on a nickname. Apparently Papyrus was about as good at naming things as Asgore was, because he decided on the name Red for the newcomer.  _Red._ Because of his red magic, Sans figured.

Almost immediately after Red somehow accepted the nickname, the other Sans, this world's Sans, complained about being left out. He wanted a nickname, too. Papyrus didn't seem to have planned on giving his own brother a nickname, but quickly decided on Blueberry, or blue for short. Hell knows where the berry comes from, but Blue seemed happy about it.

It was stupid, but Sans-  _Red_ would be leaving this universe soon anyways. As soon as he got this machine to work. It  _had_ to work.  He would  _make_ it work, working on it for so long until he would fall asleep sometimes. It didn't really matter anyways.

Papyrus had quickly thrown Red out of Blueberry's room, which seemed to have been the one he had been staying at, so right now he was sleeping on the couch. Not that he minded. The couch was still a lot more comfortable than the mattress he had to sleep on back at home. As well as he, as mentioned, more often fell asleep at the workshop anyways.

This seemed to have been one of the cases, because Red could feel a hand on his shoulder, gently shaking him awake.  He jolted up immediately, glancing around in fear, eyes widening a little as he spotted Papyrus.  He still wasn't used to him. Sometimes he would see Papyrus and think it was boss and it freaked the shit out of him. Papyrus was nothing like boss, Red knew that. But they looked alike, god, they looked so much alike.

“sorry! sorry,” Papyrus said, taking a step back as he saw Red's fearful eyes. It was nothing new for him either. It had been a week and Red was _still_ fearful and nervous around them. It would take it's time, Papyrus thought.

Red muttered something  unintelligible,  furrowing his brow and rubbing the sleep out of his eye sockets.

“it's unhealthy falling asleep here, y'know,” Papyrus noted, holding a hand out to help Red up. He was sitting on the floor, back leaning against the counter, but he refused Papyrus' help and got up himself.

“whatever,” he barked back. _That_ was definitely the least of his problems right now. It's not like _anything_ he did was ever healthy. It's not like _he_ was healthy.

“huh, welp. sans sent me to get you for breakfast tacos. sooo...” Papyrus gestured with his thumb to the door, waiting for Red to more.

“i'll come in a minute,” he grumbled, knowing that Blue wouldn't accept it if he skipped breakfast tacos. Or lunch tacos or dinner tacos. Or any tacos. That's all what he ate here, really, and he was starting to get a little sick of it.

“k,” Papyrus replied. He didn't move though, simply leaning against the wall close to the door of the workshop, waiting for Red to come. Red stared back at him for a moment, then accepted defeat, that Papyrus wouldn't leave him alone, and instead checked the machine quickly. He had to make sure everything was still in place, then closed the little hatch on it and took on his jacket. Red didn't say anything as he moved past Payrus, exiting the workshop, but he could hear the taller skeleton following closely behind, feeling his eyes watching him move. Red stopped, waiting for Papyrus to catch up. He didn't like it when people walked behind him. Made him feel vulnerable, anxious, waiting for an attack.

Papyrus caught up quickly, but now stopped next to Red, waiting. Slumping his shoulders in defeat, Red continued walking, now alongside Papyrus.

“eager to get home, huh?” Papyrus asked, making Red flinch. He just _hadn't_ expected him to say anything, honestly.

“of _course,_ ” he barked back as if it was the most obvious answer possible. It _was._ What kind of stupid question had that been anyways? Why _wouldn't_ Sans want to get home? It was his home after all, his universe. He didn't belong here.

“y'know, i've been on the lookout for abnormalities,” Papyrus began, “and found nothin' so far. Red, there's no need to hurry to get back.”

“there is,” Red retorted. There was, really. Boss would be mad at him, probably. The longer he was gone the madder he would be, and Sans didn't want boss to immediately dust him once he came back. But he _had_ to go back. Abandoning boss wasn't an option.

Of course he hated the bastard. Of course he knew that boss kept abusing him in every possible way. Of course he knew that boss was unhealthy for him, but _god damn it._ He was his _baby brother._ And no matter what, Red couldn't bring himself to just abandon his little bro. He hated him. So much. He feared him and he hated every touch of him, every word he spoke and every thing he made Red do. But he would stick through that, as long as he could make sure that his bro was safe.

I t was unhealthy, but when did Red ever do anything healthy?

 

The breakfast tacos tasted like they always did. Not exactly bad, just kind of cold.  They didn't exactly taste like what a taco was supposed to taste like. But it could certainly be worse. Red could be eating the same thing for an entire week.

Oh wait.

Well, at least breakfast with the brothers was easier to get past now. He could remember the first few times he had sat with them at the table, barely being able to eat the tacos. The brothers kept watching him, both of them, and Red couldn't figure out why. Where they waiting for something?  
Well, on the second day he noticed them staring it finally clicked. 

There was a large crack on Red's skull, emitting from his right eye socket and leading both up and down, almost splitting his entire skull in half. It had been an old thing, really, it didn't hurt anymore, but it would if Red would move his jaw in a wrong way. It had made eating… well, not _harder._ Just different. He's had time to adjust, so it was pretty much natural to him now, but apparently looked weird to the brothers.

They stopped gaping once Red told them so in a not very polite manner. It was easier to Red to talk with a bit of bite in his voice. It gave him the fake feeling of being stronger, more confident than he actually was.

After that incident they had slowly kind of gotten into a routine. Blueberry would go to patrol most of the day, only coming back once at midday and then again in the early evening. Papyrus would go on patrol, too, only to come back around half an hour later with take-out from Muffet's, which seemed to replace Grillby's in this universe. Red himself would simply go back to the workshop the moment he was dismissed from breakfast, working more on the machine until he either would decide to call it a day or fall asleep working on it.

This time, however, before Blue left for patrol he announced that he wouldn't come home this evening.

“ALPHYS GAVE ME OFF A COUPLE OF DAYS,” he announced and Red decided to not ask what Alphys had to do with his sentry job, “BUT SHE ASKED ME TO STAY AT HER PLACE FOR SOME DAYS TO TRAIN! IT'S GOING TO BE LIKE A SLEEPOVER!!!”

Red didn't really have anything to say to that, he didn't care too much at all, but he watched Papyrus fussing around Blue for a bit. He seemed worried, asking when he would come back and making sure Blue had absolutely everything he needed.

It made Red sick.

He wasn't sure why. He didn't hate the gesture, of course. It wasn't _his_ business what kind of relationship this world's Papyrus had with his brother, even if it seemed foreign to him. But… maybe he felt _jealous._ Or envious rather. They seemed so close, closer than Red had been with anyone _ever._

He couldn't remember a time where Red and boss had been that close. Sure, they had been on better terms when boss was still a kid, but things still had never been exactly good for them or between them. They had only ever had each other, and therefore they had only ever had each other to hate and blame on everything bad happening to them.

Papyrus didn't even bother leaving to his sentry job once Blue left. He looked a little out of place, watching the door far longer than he was supposed to. Like a mother, maybe, that just sent her child to school for the first time.

“uh,” Red began, breaking the quiet that had built once the noisy blue skeleton had left, “you ok there?”

Papyrus jolted up a little, as if he hadn't realized Red had been in the room.  
“sure! everything's peachy,” he said, with far too much enthusiasm in his voice.

Red squinted his eyes at him, unbelieving. He didn't want to talk with him about this, or at all, or _talk_ at all, but he also couldn't just… leave now.

Oh wait. He could.

“k,” Red said, shrugging nonchalantly, “i'll be in the workshop.” He left, partially expecting Papyrus to stop him, but he didn't. It felt relieving, honestly. Being out of the house again, trudging through the snow to the workshop. Red was almost certain that Papyrus had told Blueberry about it by now, because they weren't exactly secretive about it. At least in the matter of that Red was in there almost all day and he was sure the footsteps in the snow were quite visible, too. Blue seemed to respect either Red or his brother enough, though, to not let himself into the workshop.

Red almost enjoyed the time he could spend there alone. Between the frustration of the machine not working and his slowly breaking hope, there was still this familiarity. This feeling of faint safety, the most he would find in this universe. The only thing he ever feared in here was Papyrus showing up, making his stay more uncomfortable with awkward smalltalk, because apparently the tall skeleton didn't want Red as lonely that much.


	6. wanna head to muffet's?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the lack of updates lately, i've been feeling.... well, uh, not well would be an understatement tbh  
> been feeling pretty awful lately and had a hard time making myself do _anything_ next to the absolute necessary  
>  but here we go, another chapter and i still have no idea what im doing and am making literally everything up on the spot  
> i hope the actual honeymustard will start soon, god dammit, i dont want this to turn into another fic thats 20 pages in and still hasn't actually really started

He wasn't sure how much time had passed until he could hear noises at the door of the workshop. Despite knowing it would be Papyrus, Red panicked for a moment, jolting up and hitting his head on the machine he had stuck his head into.

“hey,” Papyrus announced himself, seemingly unaware or Red's reaction.

“for fuck's sake,” Red cursed under his breath, turning around to face Papyrus. “what do you _want?_ ”

Papyrus shrugged before leaning against a wall, hands dug in the pocket of his hoodie.

“you seemed bonely.” He wasn't really facing Red when he spoke and it almost seemed like he wasn't talking to him at all. Red could've rolled his eyes, if he wouldn't still feel too uncomfortable with Papyrus around.

“you sure it's not _you_ who's lonely?” He said instead. “you've been acting weird since blue left.”  
Papyrus turned his head, glancing at him surprised. Then sighed, shoulders sagging.

“yea, guess so,” he admitted, “'s been a while since Sans had been out for so long. i'm kinda worried.”

Worried? What _of?_ Sure, Red understood. He'd been worried when boss was out for too long. It happened. A lot, and at first he would enjoy the absence of boss, because neither of them liked each other, but if he wouldn't be back after several days, Red would get worried. What if he'd gotten in trouble with the king? What if someone had dusted him? There _were_ people out there that meant to assassinate boss, Red knew as much.  
But that was back in _his_ universe. Sure, Red hadn't left the house of the brothers yet. It was as much of his comfort zone, his safe place as he was able to get here. He hadn't exactly seen a whole lot of the world of this universe, but from what both Blueberry and Papyrus had told him, it sounded a lot… safer than his universe. In fact, it sounded almost like a utopia. A fairy tale. Unreal. Did they lie to him?

“i thought this place was safe!” Red suddenly shot at him, surprised at his own attitude. He felt kind of betrayed. Sure, he knew better than to just blindly trust or believe them, but he still had taken some sort of comfort in the simple thought that he was somewhat safe here. Maybe. That, if he were to leave the house, he wouldn't have to worry about being dusted by the neighbors kid.

Papyrus looked at him shocked, even more surprised than Red was.

“it _is,_ ” he insisted. “no one's out here to hurt you.”

“then _why_ are you worried?”

There was a beat of silence. Papyrus didn't seem sure of his answer, but the longer the skeleton hesitated, the more Red needed to know. What _was_ out here to be scared of?  
“guess you're right there, red,” Papyrus eventually answered with a huffed laugh. “'m worrying too much. he's just training with alphys.” The last bit sounded more like he was trying to convince himself, rather than Red.

Albeit not really satisfied with the answer, Red decided to drop the topic. He had more important business to do, rather than talking about Papyrus' personal problems. The short skeleton turned back to the machine, continuing where he had left off, ignoring Papyrus' steps coming closer. Ignoring the tall skeleton crouching down next to him and ignoring the lump building in his throat. It was hard to focus on the machine while focusing on ignoring the presence next to him, but he didn't dare to say a word.

Thus he once again did not expect the other's sudden voice and flinched, almost dropping the screwdriver in his hand.

“there's no hurry, y'know?” The taller skeleton muttered, watching Red closely. “you don't have to work yourself down to the bone like that. relax.”  
_How_ was he supposed to relax when he was _trapped_ in a strange universe? When he had no idea how to get back or what was going on in _his_ universe? This wasn't his home, he didn't know if he was safe here or who he could trust. Sure, he wasn't safe back at home. But he _knew_ he wasn't safe back at home. He knew what to expect and what to do. He didn't know the slightest thing of this world! Everything seemed too nice, too perfect, fake. Like a trap. It _couldn't_ be just that. There _had_ to be more. There had to be a catch, _something_.

“at least take a break,” Papyrus continued as Red didn't seem to answer. Red grit his teeth.

“are you gonna leave me alone if i'll take a god damn break?” He asked frustratedly. Papyrus shrugged, getting up from his spot next to Red and took a step back.

“sure, if that's what you want.”

Red sighed, giving in. If that god damn fucker really wanted him to take a break, he will. At least he could be alone then. Glaring at Papyrus, Red passed by him, leaving the workshop to trudge towards the living room of the house. He was sleeping on the couch, so Red had somewhat gotten in control of the TV in this house. Or maybe the other two brothers just didn't like watching TV.

Either way, as soon as Papyrus walked past him and into his own room, Red grabbed for the remote to turn on the TV. All shows in this world were about some annoying DJ robot that Red didn't know, but reminded him a little of Mettaton. Except way less violence and killing. But it was all Red had distract himself, aside from maybe taking a nap, but he certainly did not feel safe enough to just nap with others around and awake.

Red wasn't sure how _long_ Papyrus wanted him to take a break, but he had quickly gotten bored of watching TV after only about half an hour. Glancing up to the other's room, Red wondered if it was safe to just go back on working on the machine. He doubted, really, that Papyrus would get mad, he hadn't proven to act this way and instead proven to act like he was rather too lazy to actually care a lot about what Red did. Yet he _still_ felt like it wasn't save to just disobey him like that. He _was_ a version of boss after all. One that didn't act like boss at all. One that acted like a brother to Blue, rather than his boss. One that slacked off his sentry job more often than not. But it _was_ a version of boss.

Yet, Red somewhat found himself preferring this version over boss. He was unpredictable, sure. Strange, foreign, but Red felt like if he could grow to get used to Papyrus' way of acting and knew what to expect, he would be easier to deal with than with boss.

But he wasn't a replacement for boss. No one was. No one would _ever_ be. Red had to get back. To _his_ world. To _his_ home. To _his_ Papyrus. He would, somehow. He had to.

Red contemplated about leaving for about another twenty minutes, still too anxious to move, but painfully bored, before he realized he was getting fairly hungry. He had probably spent a couple of hours on the machine before Papyrus came to tell him to take a break and if Blueberry would've been here, he would've probably already made lunch tacos.

Papyrus sure wouldn't hurt him if Red went to check for a snack, right? Boss would, but this Papyrus…? Red wasn't entirely sure, to be honest, but he figured probably maybe not. Worth a shot, he decided as he heard his magical stomach growl.

He trudged to the kitchen, almost sneaking, wary and always on lookout for Papyrus. Red was sure that if Papyrus was to catch and question him it would take him off guard and he wouldn't know what to say, despite doubting that Papyrus would be upset with him. He was _always_ on the edge after all.

Their sink was ridiculously high, Red thought the moment he entered the kitchen, shaking his head a little. Of course he had noticed before, and despite not questioning it out aloud Blueberry had told him it was to store more of his bone attacks, but it was still weird to see. And very impractical too, considering both Red's and Blueberry's height. Papyrus may just barely actually reach the top of it.

But he didn't come for the sink, no. He came for food. And thus opened the not ridiculously high fridge. There were several plates of old tacos and Red wondered if Blueberry was aware he still had so many leftover tacos but still kept making new ones or if he simply forgot. All of the plates were placed on one half of the fridge, the other half was entirely empty aside from a half eaten bag of popato chisps. Well, great. So his only option was either god knows how old tacos or cold chisps. The chisps actually didn't sound so bad, but feeling his stomach grumble once more Red figured that wouldn't exactly be enough.

God, he thought for a moment, he had gotten so spoiled. When had he ever bothered about food being _enough_ back in his home? Back then Red had just been happy to find anything to eat. To still be able to order something at Grillby's or to find some old pasta in the fridge or _anything._ But now Blueberry was literally feeding him more than Red could eat and his body had adjusted, asking for more than it ever had asked for before.

“hungry?” A voice asked, not exactly _right_ behind Red, but still far too close for comfort. He screamed, slamming the fridge shut and spinning around shocked, to see Papyrus standing in the door frame, hands raised as if to calm down a frightened animal, and that's kind of what Red felt like too right now.

“woah, dude, relax,” he called, surprised. “'s just me. jeez, you don't gotta jump at every little noise, y'know?”

Red furrowed his brow, not bothering to answer. The people in this universe didn't seem to understand that letting your guard down just _one_ minute could end up in you getting dusted. He didn't want to risk that, he couldn't. Boss would get mad.

“anything good in the fridge?” Papyrus asked once he figured Red had calmed down, lowering his hands again and burying them in the pocket of his hoodie.

Red shrugged. “old tacos and chisps.”  
“oh! was wondering where my chisps went,” the taller skeleton replied pleased, sliding past Red to the fridge to get the chisps and eat them right here and there.

“aw man, they're almost empty.” Papyrus glanced into the now empty bag with a small disappointed frown, then rolled it into a ball, throwing it towards the garbage can. And missing.

“anyways,” he continued, facing Red once more, “wanna head to muffet's?”

Red has had tried take-outs from Muffet's before actually and had to admit that they weren't too bad. And he hardly had eaten anything aside from tacos the whole damn week. _But_ that would mean he would have to leave the house, talk to people _and_ probably explain himself.

Where are you from? Why are you here? Why do you look just like Sans? Where did you get those scars from? What's up with the gold tooth?

“it'll be fine, the people here are nice,” Papyrus assured, as if sensing Red's worries.

The shorter skeleton still wasn't convinced. But then again, was he ever? He had been stuck in this house for a _week_ , eating nothing but tacos for a _week._ Hell, it was time for a change. And if he had to, he could probably teleport back to the house. And if the monsters really were as fairytale sweet as the brothers made them sound to be like, then Red shouldn't have too much of a problem beating them either if it came to a fight.

“sure,” he muttered eventually with a lazy shrug. “why not.”


	7. that sick fuck!

It was fairly late when they left already, to Red's luck, so they didn't encounter any other monsters on their way to Muffet's. That luck didn't however hold on for as long as he would've liked, as the moment Papyrus opened the door to the pub, the noise of several chatting monsters overcame Red, together with a wave of fresh anxiety. It wasn't full, but still a little crowded.

Red tried to block out the others, staring on the ground, not noticing the fleeting glances the other monsters threw him. But that was also it. Fleeting glances, maybe a raised eyebrow here and there, before they decided to mind their own business. It wasn't too rare that new monsters would visit family in their comfy little town, and Red could easily be mistaken for the skeleton brother's cousin or something. If there was anything interesting or important about him, gossip would tell them in no time anyways.

All Red however 'noticed' was the feeling of stares burning on his back, fueling his anxiety. Unbeknownst he moved closer to Papyrus, looking for a faint feeling of safety maybe. He didn't trust Papyrus just yet, but right here and now the tall skeleton was the best source of comfort he could get. In a sea of foreign and new monsters, Papyrus was someone he knew. An Island he could grab onto and rely on, kinda.

As he moved closer, Papyrus put a gentle hand on top of the frightened skeleton's skull in a comforting manner. It both worked and also backfired, letting Red know that Papyrus was there for him as a lifeline, but also reminding him just how much taller he was compared to Red. He knew that if he would look up now, his boss' double would be looming above him. He knew it because he had seen it so many times with boss. A physical reminder of just who's dominant in this situation. Already size-wise Red stood no chance fighting boss and probably also not Papyrus.

At least that's what he assumed. Red had never tried _actually_ fighting boss, and honestly didn't plan to either.

Papyrus gently lead him to a chair at the bar, sitting down next to him. Red knew the bartender. Instead of Grillby, as it would be back in his universe, the bartender was the spider lady Muffet he had seen in Hotland before. A shiver ran down his spine, thinking about her army of spiders. _No one_ fucked with Muffet. Yet here she was in a _bar._

“The usual?” Muffet asked Papyrus with a saccharine, yet somewhat fake smile. Even here, where everyone and everything seemed so sweet and perfect, Red wouldn't trust Muffet. He felt like, unlike Grillby's, this wasn't a good place to fall asleep at drunk. At least not if you valued keeping your money in your pocket.

The taller skeleton gave her a nod, before Muffet turned to Red. He flinched back visibly.

“And what would it be for you, deary?” She asked, equally sweet.

Red could feel himself starting to sweat. He hadn't thought that far. Back in his universe, at Grillby's, he would order a burger with fries, but _that_ was also a grill. This wasn't. It was more of a… bakery. Who even had a bar/bakery?

“he'll have the same as me,” Papyrus eventually said, as he figured Red wouldn't be able to form words any time soon. The spider lady nodded, before going off into the kitchen, and Red glared at Papyrus.

“what if that's not what i wanted!?” He hissed at him, feeling hurt in his pride.

Papyrus shrugged lazily. “you seemed overwhelmed and don't know any of the food here, so.”

“i was _just_ about to order!” Red lied, not really upset at Papyrus, but more at himself.

“looked like you were rather just about to pass out than to order,” the lanky skeleton replied with a soft worry in his voice.

Red swallowed, feeling hot under the collar. He couldn't exactly deny that, he most likely wouldn't have answered her any time soon. And somewhat he felt glad Papyrus had helped him out of that, but _still._ He didn't want to seem as weak and anxious as he was. He didn't want everyone to know just how much he actually relied on the help of others.

He must've still kept glaring at Papyrus, because the taller skeleton now seemed uncomfortable, tugging at his hoodie awkwardly.

“hey, uh, if it's so bad i'm sure you can order something else still,” he muttered, sounding kind of guilty. “'m sure she'll understand.”

Red stopped glaring, glancing away to his hands instead, that were now clutching against the bar counter, and shook his head.

“no, 's fine,” he muttered under his breath.

When Muffet came out of the kitchen again she was carrying two plates with pastries on it, as well as a bottle of honey for Papyrus. She didn't assume that the other skeleton was as strange in his taste for drinks as Papyrus and instead asked him what he would like.

Red clenched his hands uncomfortably, not sure what he should ask for, before he took a deep, stuttering breath to speak.

“d-do you maybe have any mustard?” He asked, barely audible, but Muffet seemed to have heard him. She didn't look surprised as much as disappointed, but nodded.

“Sure, deary, I think there's some in the kitchen.” She left off, only to come back with an unused bottle of mustard he handed Red, before leaving again to tend other customers.

Papyrus raised a brow at him.

“mustard?” He asked, smirking. “actually, could've figured. fits your edgy image.”

“fuck you. 's not my fault my universe isn't as saccharine as your _honey,_ ” Red retorted, not expecting the small laugh from Papyrus.

“touche.”

The mustard didn't mix well with the sweet pastry at all, but Red couldn't have cared less. He was just glad to have something else than tacos in his stomach, as well as to finally be able to drink some mustard again. God, how he missed it.

They could've stopped once they finished eating and headed back to the house, as they originally planned, but didn't. Instead they ended up drinking. It wasn't a lot first, just a beer, before the drinks got heavier and the skeletons got drunker.

It was a habit Red had never been able to get rid of. He should be scared of drinking, as scared as he was about literally anything else. After all, every _single_ time Red got drunk, boss got fucking mad at him. And god, that never ended in fun times. For _fucks_ sake, it ended in Red being stuck here in first place! Yet, he could never bring himself to fear alcohol as much as he feared anything else, even if it meant getting beaten and abused for the rest of the night. He just couldn't _not_ welcome the numbing silence in his head. The worries and constant chatter in his skull finally being drowned out by alcohol. It was too good, too relieving to resist.

“soooo,” Red suddenly heard Papyrus say. He hadn't drank as much as Red, but still enough for his words to appear a little slurred. “wha's the deal with the scars, huh?”

Red wasn't surprised of the question. Especially now, that the alcohol was numbing out his anxiety that he was certain would usually be screaming right now.

“'s kill or be killed out there,” Red vaguely answered.

“mmmh, not here,” Papyrus muttered indifferently, before realization hit him of what Red had just told him. “holy shit dude.”

If what Red had just said was true in a literal sense, then that meant the poor skeleton couldn't even leave the house without the danger of getting dusted, right? It sounded so… unrealistic. Dystopian. Kill or be killed? Who could live by that? How did _anyone_ survive in such a world?

But just considering it would be true, it _would_ explain Red's immense anxiety, as well as his amount of scars. Papyrus decided to believe him, although it didn't make him feel any better. The opposite even. Papyrus was worried. He had seen Red's stats before, when the smaller skeleton had been unconscious. 1 HP. In such a world, Red was sure to get dusted sooner or later. He couldn't let him go back there.

“you're gonna stay here,” Papyrus decided. “'s safe here. holy shit, 'm not lettin' you go back to that place.”  
Red glared at him surprised and huffed. “s-since when 'xactly was'sit _your_ decision?”  
“red, are you insane!?” Papyrus burst, catching the attention of some of the patrons. He didn't care. “you can't go back there! you're gonna get killed, jeez, 'm surprised you're still alive in first place!”

Red growled. “so what?” He barked back pissed. “boss n-needs me. _fuck, i_ need _boss._ ”

“boss,” Papyrus repeated a little thoughtful. Red had mentioned him a couple of times before, but never elaborated too much.

“boss' your papyrus?” He asked. He wasn't sure where he had gotten that idea. Did Red tell him at some point? Did he subconsciously figure it out? He couldn't remember.

Red nodded hesitatingly. He hadn't called boss by his name in years, god, he would _kill_ him if he did. But yes. Boss was his Papyrus.

Suddenly something seemed to click in Papyrus' mind and the tall skeleton shot forward, snatching a little golden tag attached to Red's collar and tugging it close. Red gagged at the sudden pressure around his throat, but it wasn't enough to actually strangle him. He felt uncomfortable like this, even in his drunken state, but decided to let Papyrus read the words engraved on the small golden coin.

“PROPERTY OF PAPYRUS”

“that sick fuck!” Papyrus burst out, letting go of the tag.

Red began to sweat, anxiety even breaking through his drunk ass head now, as he quickly adjusted the collar again. Papyrus sounded _mad._ He had never seen this Papyrus angry before. He wasn't even sure if that was _possible,_ but now here he was, sitting next to a _Papyrus._ An _angry_ Papyrus. Drunk off his ass.

“s-sorry,” he choked out, barely audible. He wasn't sure what he was apologizing for, but just hoped it would somehow calm the taller skeleton. Back in his universe, Red knew, it would've been a big, futile mistake, and remembering that he flinched visibly.

Papyrus glared at him, frowning, his hands flexed into tight fists, terrifying Red. But almost the second he glanced down to the smaller skeleton he relaxed, his gaze shifting to one of worry.

“shit- no, shit, look 's not your fault,” Papyrus tried to calm him, reaching out with his hands to lightly pet his shoulders, but pulled them back again as Red flinched away. Red wasn't sure what Papyrus meant, but he didn't have to ask either, as the taller skeleton quickly continued on, angrier again.

“your sick as shit brother has some awful tendencies, you know that?” He growled, biting his knuckle a little. He seemed troubled, but not angry at Red anymore. Red felt a shot of anger raise up in him, the instinct to defend his little brother, but decided against it. He knew damn well Papyrus was right.

“a fuckin' collar? seriously? lemme guess,” Papyrus paused, taking a deep breath and glancing back at Red again, “the cracks are his, too?”

Red nodded, throat tied in a knot too tight for him to answer verbally. He couldn't stand looking at Papyrus any longer and instead glanced to the ground, one hand rising up almost instinctively to feel the crack running along his skull.

“what _else_ did he do?”

Red knew a whole damn lot of 'else' that boss did do. And with every passing day he spent at the brother's house he figured out more things that he had never even _realized_ could be so much better, that boss had just denied him. He wasn't happy back home. He didn't live a happy live. He was terrified, scared and hurt. He was being abused in every way Red knew he could be abused like and he _knew._ He had spent years not realizing what his brother was doing, how fucked up their situation was, just assuming he deserved all this. He still sometimes felt like he deserved all of it, but he eventually understood that their relationship was not a healthy one.

But he _still_ had to get back. God damn it, so his brother was an abusive ass, so his life was kinda rough, boss was _still_ his little brother! What kind of monster would Red be if he would just abandon him? Red knew boss wouldn't actually need him. But he _still_ felt horrible abandoning him. It wasn't right. It just wasn't. _Red_ needed boss.

“a-a lot,” Red choked out, answering Papyrus question. “fuckin' everythin'. fuck, i-i really don't- i-” He felt sick, wondering at first if he was actually about to vomit, maybe from the alcohol, but soon realized it just was his anxiety and sorrow.

A few moments passed where Red just heard Papyrus grinding his teeth, but didn't look at him. He wasn't sure for how long, maybe a few minutes or just a couple of seconds, but eventually Papyrus let out a sigh.

“les' go back,” he muttered, sounding exhausted. Red agreed, having almost forgotten he was in public. Well, 'public.' Most of the other patrons had already left, aside from some drunks sleeping on their booth.

Red quickly grabbed in his pocket, dropping some gold coins on the counter, before hurrying after Papyrus, almost stumbling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i honestly just made them drunk to skip 9487209472 months of character development and somehow make some bow chicka bow wow happen between the two but then i, uh, kinda got off tract


	8. Why didn't he just leave boss behind?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> why are you even all reading this fic, it's so bad  
> thank you tho  
> you're great, i love u

They didn't talk on their way back. Though Red could sometimes hear Papyrus curse under his breath and quietly reminding Red he wouldn't let him go back to that 'fucked up place.' Honestly, it felt more like a threat to Red than anything comforting. He _had_ to get back. He couldn't just fucking stay here and act like his old universe, his old life, his _brother_ just never existed!

Red didn't say anything. Papyrus seemed upset enough already and Red really didn't want to lead that anger on him. He was scared to say the least. He had been waiting for something bad to happen since the day he arrived. It had been a mistake to trust Papyrus _at all_ in first place. He shouldn't have. He shouldn't have ever opened up. It lead to _this._ They weren't keeping him captured first, but Papyrus sure as hell was now.

His mind started racing, already thinking about way he could work on the machine secretly. He didn't stop thinking about this, not even when they arrived back home and Red let himself flop on the couch. The small skeleton barely noticed Papyrus scuffling past Red and into his own room. He just kept on trying to think of ways until he fell asleep.

 

And god.

He wished he would never had.

 

A fist collided with his face. Strong, gloved, it was boss'.

Red knew this scene and in the back of his mind he was aware, not that this was a dream, but that this wasn't real. But most of his mind was just screaming. Screaming in pain and in fear and he didn't want this to happen.

Boss was strangling him, one hand tight around Red's throat. Red tried to peel his hand off, but he was already feeling so weak, so tired, and boss' weight pushed on him, he was straddling him while Red lied on the ground.

He couldn't remember what he must've done, something bad for sure, but Red never remembered what he got punished for. He just remembered _that_ he got punished and sometimes how, if he didn't block it out. The rest bit just slipped his mind, causing Red to repeat his mistakes over and over again, until he finally somehow would realize a pattern.

This one wasn't one of the worse ones, Red had to admit. He had just been unlucky, and as boss hit him in the face a few more times, Red could taste blood pooling in his mouth. He opened it weakly, letting it run out, forming a small puddle beneath him.

A shot of panic overcame him and he moved his tongue to feel his teeth. _Yep._ He had lost one. He could _cry_ right now. It was silly and Red hated himself for reacting that way, and boss would hate him even more, but he felt _terrified_ over the idea of actually… _losing_ things. Scars, cracks were one thing. He could live with some cracks on his body. But losing something… Sure, it was only a teeth right now. No big deal right? But _how many_ teeth would Red lose before he would turn to dust? What else would he lose? A finger? A limb?

Boss punched him again and Red started to scream now, kicking, flailing around with his arms and legs. He didn't want this, he didn't want this to happen. There was blood still gathering in his mouth and he started choking on it, coughing, as he tried to scream.

He didn't hear what boss was saying, but he didn't need to to know that he was calling him names, pointing out how weak or pathetic he was. That's what he always said. Always ever. Red couldn't think of a time boss had said anything nice about him. Why was he still sticking around? Why didn't he just leave boss behind?

He couldn't.

Why didn't boss just finally fucking _kill_ him?

Red didn't know it himself, but boss couldn't.

 

Red didn't remember the slightest thing when he finally jolted up on the couch, breathing heavily. His eye sockets were wide, and while he couldn't feel it, or feel _anything_ , he knew that his eye was ablaze in red magic. It always was after a nightmare. It wasn't new. That didn't make it any easier now.

He could hear footsteps coming from upstairs and immediately Red figured he must've been screaming. Shit, that meant he must've woken boss, and that alone almost sent Red back to straight up _screaming._

Breathing even heavier now he tried to think of a way out, or something he could do, _anything._ But his mind wasn't working correctly, it was just screaming, screaming at him in fear. He couldn't even move. It was as if he wasn't in control of his body anymore, he was just shaking, hyperventilating and crying.

Hah, at least he wasn't destroying shit with his magic this time, right?

Papyrus appeared downstairs, staring at Red in shock, but Red didn't even notice. Not until the taller skeleton tried to reach out, touching the other's shoulder so faintly, but still enough for Red to flinch back as violently as if Papyrus' hand had been on fire.

“i-i-i'm so so-sorry,” Red choked out, unable to face Papyrus. “i didn't- i-i didn't mean t-to wake you!”

He shouldn't have screamed. He shouldn't have, he wasn't allowed to, he always woke up boss after his nightmares. He _couldn't_. He couldn't get punished, he wasn't ready, he hasn't had any time to mentally prepare, he hasn't been punished in so fucking long, why-

_He hasn't been punished in so long._

Red looked up befuddled and confused, coming face to face with Papyrus. But not  _his_ Papyrus.  Not boss, no. This was the… friendly Papyrus. The Papyrus that wasn't an absolute piece of shit. And fuck, this Papyrus looked so god damn terrified, rather than angry.

“holy shit man,” he breathed out shocked. “are you okay? hey, i'm not gonna hurt you.”

Red's eyes were still wide in shock, and while his rational brain told him this Papyrus was safe, his anxiety was still screaming. A battle that he had to fight far too often, but never got any easier. He tried to regulate his hitched breathing, before he even _tried_ to talk, and Papyrus seemed to notice his struggles, as he didn't push him or anything. He just waited, eventually sitting down on the other end of the couch, watching Red trying to calm down.

“what happened?” He asked eventually, once Red had pinched his eyes closed and managed to breathe normal again.

“n-not sure,” Red answered, his voice rusty from the screaming he didn't even recall. But, well, he often couldn't remember himself screaming. “nightmare i suppose.”  
“sounded more like a night _terror_ to me,” Papyrus noted, sounding kind of upset, but not really at the other skeleton.

Red shrugged. What even was the difference? He didn't care. He didn't even remember what happened in the dream, he just remembered it was bad apparently.

Feeling kind of uncomfortable with the unwanted attention Red started to curl up on his sitting position, wrapping his arms around his legs. He buried his face in his legs for some moments, taking deep breath, before he looked back to Papyrus. Not saying anything, but noticing how the taller skeleton seemed more tense than Red was at this point.

Eventually Papyrus relaxed though, looking back at the small skeleton next to him.

“you wanna, uh… talk about it? or anything?” He asked kind of awkwardly, as if this was new to him. It might be, Red thought. Blueberry seemed more like the talky-feely type. Well, Papyrus was still more talky-feely than anyone back at Red's universe.

Red shook his head no, not trusting his voice, but then decided to answer after all.

“i don't remember the dream...” He croaked, wishing he would've stuck with the decision to just shake his head.

“well,” Papyrus began, fiddling with his hands inside the pocket of his hoodie, “that's not exactly what i meant.”  
Red raised a bony brow in confusion, but didn't say anything this time. He didn't have to, as Papyrus began weirdly gesturing with his hands.

“i mean, like, about all of this. or anything really,” he muttered. “look, i get you're not the, uh, type that talks about things, right?”  
Red wasn't sure whether Papyrus actually wanted an answer, but nodded.

“yea, but your, uh, your universe seems really… fucked up man. and you clearly haven't gotten out of it without any kind of baggage. so just if you ever wanna talk, i, uh, i guess i'm there for you.”  
Oh this was awkward. Was Red supposed to say anything? Thank him? He couldn't think of any instance where he would _actually_ go to Papyrus to talk about some kind of whiny shit that was bothering him. Yet he couldn't help but to feel kind of… warm. It was a friendly gesture, Red couldn't deny that. It was clear that Papyrus really just wanted to help, even if Red was beyond being able to help. The larger skeleton still wanted to try and offered his support.

Red decided to mouth a silent 'thanks', not wanting to strain his voice any more. It seemed enough for Papyrus, as he now smiled down at him tiredly, but fondly.

“'s no problem,” he said, before getting up from the couch. “i'll head back to my room. you should try to catch some more z's.”

Red watched Papyrus leave and head up the stairs, almost missing him here with him. But he fell asleep again, before he could bother thinking to much about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> should i add, like, jealous (yandere) uf!papyrus at some point


	9. Bare chest. Or, well, bare ribs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kind of a shorter chapter, buT I LITERALLY AM JUGGLING FOUR FICS AT ONCE NOW APPARENTLY???  
> wow  
> anyhoo, i didn't sleep all night and don't feel the tiniest bit tired. impressive  
> still gonna head to sleep now tho

When Red finally woke up it was already bright and sunshine outside. Or, well, crystalshine. Despite being underground they had a light based day-and-night system, due to light getting reflected from crystals. It wasn't sure where that light came from, some assumed the crystals emitted it itself, or it got reflected from the glowing mushrooms, but considering the lights got dimmer at night, Red personally assumed it was actual sunlight coming through the barrier and getting reflected from crystal to crystal, reaching through almost every corner of the cavern.

Either way, Red usually never woke up that late, and his first thought was, where was boss? Why didn't he wake him? Did he just leave him? Was he still asleep himself? No, boss would never sleep in that late. But then again, boss also wouldn't let Red sleep in that late.

Then he remembered he wasn't in his universe anymore. It had been a week and Red's first thought in the moment was still boss. He still hadn't gotten used to waking up to the new universe, to waking up to the new two skeletons instead of boss. And maybe it was better this way. He wasn't going to stay here anyway.

Once he remembered where he was, he still was confused. So boss wasn't here, but why hadn't Blueberry woken him? If there were any similarities between their two universes, it was that Red could never actually sleep in late, because _someone_ would wake him up. Here it was Blueberry, whether it was due to loud noises in the kitchen or the small blue ball telling him it was too late to sleep.

It took Red probably around ten minutes of just lying on the couch, half asleep, before he remembered that Blueberry was with Alphys. That explained why he had slept in so late. That also meant Papyrus was most likely still asleep.

He could still remember that Papyrus didn't want him to go back to his universe anymore. Red wasn't sure what Papyrus would do about it, but surely he would do _something_ to stop him from working on the machine. He felt sick at the thought that Papyrus might've taken the machine apart, undoing any process Red had so far done.

He should probably use the time Papyrus was asleep to check after the machine and work on it as long as he still could, Red figured. There was just one problem with that.

Sitting up on the couch, Red noticed the throbbing pain in his cranium, mixing perfectly with feeling sick of hunger. Red felt as if he couldn't move an inch without throwing up or passing out maybe, but knowing from experience, Red knew that that wouldn't actually be the case.

He couldn't work on the machine without doing something about this, though. As much as he wanted to, his headache would already make it impossible to concentrate on _anything._ Did the brothers have any painkillers? He hadn't seen them store any meds anywhere, but they surely had to, right? Especially if Papyrus went drinking ever once in a while…?  
Did… Papyrus go drinking ever once in a while? Red kind of just assumed. He seemed like the type.

Well, he if they had meds, Red didn't know where they stored them, so no can do about that right now. Begrudgingly he pushed himself up from the couch, groaning at the pain in his skull that seemed to just get worse with every tiniest movement he made. He made his way to the kitchen, opening the fridge.

Red wasn't sure what exactly he expected, but for some reason he forgot that the fridge was literally filled with old tacos only. Not that Blue's tacos were that bad, he's just really had enough of them for now, and the thought of eating some soggy, heated up, old taco made him feel like vomiting.

Muffet's had been really nice last time. But he didn't feel up to leaving the house without taking something, _anything_ against that awful headache. Taking a slow swig of a glass of water, Red reconsidered. Even _if_ he would get some painkillers, he still wouldn't be up to… leaving the house alone. He didn't know anyone and if the people here were any like they were back in his universe, they would jump at him the second they'd notice Red was alone, burying him in questions. Then again, if the people here were any like they were back in his universe, they would've already done that _with_ Papyrus around.

Still, he didn't feel safe enough.

So his only options really were to either wait for something to happen or go and wake up Papyrus, and both were almost as gut retching as his hunger.

“that's only in my head!” Red hissed under his breath, pressing a palm against the side of his skull. He _knew_ that waking Papyrus here wouldn't be as bad as waking boss. He knew that his worries and fear were unfounded and unrealistic. He didn't have to be afraid, there was nothing to be afraid of. Papyrus wasn't boss. Papyrus wouldn't be mad if Red woke him, Blueberry woke him literally _every_ day.

Repeating the words 'it's fine' and 'it's gonna be fucking fine' in his head over and over again, he made his way up the stairs, towards Papyrus room. He hadn't even noticed how tightly his hands had been clenched inside of his jacket pockets, until he moved one to knock at the door with a long, very long pause. In fact, so long, he just considered turning and leaving again, and didn't actually get to knock a single time, before the door already opened.

“oh.” Papyrus looked as if he had just woken up, wearing nothing but his shorts. “thought i'd heard someone.”  
Red sucked in a sharp breath. “i-i'm sorry,” he began, a little startled. He took a few deep breaths, trying to calm down his anxiety, but for once, Papyrus just staring at him, waiting, not saying a word, just made him feel worse. The silence was too agonizing.

“i, u-uhm, i didn't mean to wake you…,” he muttered eventually, glancing away. He had never seen Papyrus without his trademark hoodie, let alone bare chest. Or, well, bare ribs. But, it wasn't like it should be weird or anything, this _was_ Papyrus' house after all.

“'s ok,” Papyrus answered, still sounding half asleep. “d'you want anythin'?”

Shit, why was he here again? Why was he suddenly feeling so distracted, barely able to keep his mind straight?

A pounding pain in his head made him remember.

“do you, uhm, have any painkillers?”

“mhm, sure. in the kitchen,” Papyrus muttered, walking past Red towards the kitchen, with a lazy hand gesture for him to follow. And follow Red did, like a duckling follows its mother.

Arriving in the kitchen, the taller skeleton reached up a shelf out of Red's reach and grabbed a little can of pills, handing them to a smaller skeleton.

“here ya go,” he murmured tiredly, before heading for the ridiculously high sink to get a cup of water for both Red and himself.

“th-thanks…,” Red mumbled, still a little tense. He gulped down the painkillers, hoping for them to work quickly. As he watched Papyrus drink his own cup of water, he found himself wondering how the other could be up without any painkillers himself. Sure, he hadn't been drinking as much as Red last night, but judging by the even deeper bags under his eyes and the small agonized groan he would sometimes let out, Papyrus' seemed about as beaten as Red.

As soon as taller caught him staring, Red diverted his away awkwardly, glaring at the floor instead.

“something's the matter?” Papyrus asked, placing down the now empty cup in the sink. He sounded a little more awake by now.

“u-uh yea,” Red muttered, cursing himself about how weak his voice turned out. “d-d'you mind if we'd get, uh… t-take-out from Muffet's…?”

This was ridiculous, he had _no_ reason to feel so shy all of the sudden. This whole scenario was fucked up and Red couldn't wrap his mind around why he felt _so_ much more shy than usual. He chalked it up on waking Papyrus for the first time. That would, after all, had been a huge mistake back in his universe. Maybe he was just still feeling tense from that.

“heh, what? don't have the stomach for any more of my bro's awesome tacos?” Papyrus chuckled, and for a moment Sans felt horrified that he might've insulted either of them that way. But he calmed down, remembering that Papyrus had literally suggested eating at Muffet's yesterday, and that he barely ever ate any of Blue's tacos anyways.

“just got enough of 'em,” he admitted and hear Papyrus hum agreeing.

“yea. my bro's a star, but eating his tacos every day really get's you sick of 'em,” the taller skeleton agreed. “anyways, lemme just grab some clothes and we can go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what am i doing?? i dont know  
> im so uncomfortable everytime i write characters drunk of hungover or so bc i literally never drank a drop of alcohol  
> i also REALLY wanna make paps a stoner n stuff, i guess i have kind of a stoner kink for some fucked up reason, but guess who also never smoked anything in their life before????  
> im a namby-pamby goody-goody


	10. the universe gave you a hand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> why am i writing about gays at 2 am when i still need to read 8 chapters of Fight Club today

“what if it's fate, though?” Papyrus suggested, gesturing vaguely with his hands. “i mean, you're living some fucked up shitty life and suddenly, out of anyone, _you_ end up landing here? c'mon the universe gave you a hand, don't deny it.”  
Red laughed at that, but it was bitter without any humor.

“there's people out there havin' it way worse than me,” he sighed, once he stopped laughing. “the universe doesn't give a _shit._ ”

They had gotten their food from Muffet's, but decided to eat it at home, on the couch. The TV was running, showing, once again, no one except that annoying DJ robot, but it soon had become more or less background noise, as Papyrus started trying to coax Red into agreeing to stay here.

He couldn't obviously. And nothing Papyrus told him would change his mind, he was dead-set on that.

“why would you even _want_ to go back there?” Papyrus asked for the umpteenth time. By now the question didn't even seem directed to Red anymore, but more to his own disability to simply understand it.

“'cause boss my _brother_ , for fucks sake!” Red growled at him. Was it really that hard to understand? That he couldn't, or just didn't want to abandon his _own fucking brother?_

“he's been actin' no were near a brother, red!” Papyrus shot back. “he's _abusing_ you! he's your _abuser._ you don't go back to your abuser.”  
Red rolled his eyes. Obviously Papyrus wouldn't understand, he'd already expected that. It was still so god damn frustrating.

“wouldn't you- wouldn't you do the same?” He asked eventually. “if you'd be separated from blueberry, wouldn't you do _anything_ to get back to him?”  
“of _course_ i would!” The taller said immediately. “but that's _different_. sans doesn't treat me like garbage.”  
_Maybe that's, because you_ aren't _garbage,_ Red thought to himself, but didn't dare to say it out loud. He knew that boss was wrong to treat him the way he did, yet sometimes Red couldn't help but to feel like it somewhere was his fault. Maybe it had been once and it kind of just escalated, leading to where they were in their relationship now.

“doesn't matter,” he grumbled instead. “if he would, you'd still do anythin' for him. he'd still be your brother, for fucks sake.”  
Papyrus glared at him a little, looking as if he wanted to disagree, but he didn't. Because he knew Red was right. They were in the same boat. No matter what happened to their brothers, no matter what they did or what they turned into, they could never abandon them.   
Red felt a little accomplishment, a little like he won the argument, but the whole situation was too upsetting to actually feel proud about it.

“...it'd be better tho,” Papyrus eventually muttered, breaking the little pause of silence they had going on. Red looked up to him a little confused. “if you'd stay, i mean.”  
Ugh, we was still going on with that?  
“i get it's… hard, but shit. a lot of the stuff's good for us is hard. 'dunno why, 's just like that.”

“i can't just stay here,” Red retorted firmly. “i _can't_ papyrus. i can't.”

He could feel Papyrus arm around him, pulling him close in a hug, and that's when Red first noticed he must've started crying at some point during their argument. Not a lot, just enough for his eye-sockets to tear up, but it was still gross.

Red wasn't sure if Papyrus had ever _actually_ hugged him before, but he was certain that if he would have, Red would've panicked and shoved him away, if not even hit him. But he didn't now. He had somewhat come to peace with the thought that this Papyrus was safe and he simply didn't feel the need to act as defensive as he usually would. Maybe he even… needed this.

Clinging to Papyrus, he buried his face in the soft hoodie, actually starting to sob now. He somewhat expected the other to complain or push him away, but he didn't. Papyrus didn't even seem to care how wet Red was getting his hoodie. He simply gently stroked the smaller skeleton's back, not saying a word.

“ _fuck_ ,” Red cursed between his sobs, “ _i fucking miss him_.” He knew as well as Papyrus how fucked up that was. If boss would be here, all he'd did would be beating and abusing Red, telling him how miserable and weak and how much of a nuisance he was. It was nothing someone should miss. But he did, god, he missed boss so god damn much. Every morning he would wake up and remember boss wasn't here he felt a pang of disappointment. He felt relieved a lot more often than not, but he also felt disappointed. Because he was still stuck in this universe. Because he was still separated from boss. Because he still didn't know if he could _ever_ get back to him.

He realized he might have some sick stockholm syndrome or whatever going on. Well, probably not really.

“red?” He could hear Papyrus mutter eventually.

“hm?” Red didn't look up, but he stopped his sobs and sniffles. “i-i'm sorry.”  
“nah, s'alright,” the taller replied, hugging Red a little tighter. A bit too tight for comfort, but he didn't complain. “'m just… fuck i'm just worried 'bout you.”

Red nodded weakly, sniffling into the other's hoodie, before pushing himself away again. Immediately missing the contact, but not willing to move to Papyrus again, he hugged his legs close, burying his face in them.

“'m sorry,” he repeated himself, muffled through the pants. “'m sorry, i'm stupid.”  
“no, what the hell, don't _ever_ say that, red,” Papyrus shot back, immediately. “you're not stupid for missing someone, red. it's okay. it's complicated and probably hurts, but god damn, it's okay.”

A little surprised Red nodded, not really convinced though. He was stupid after all. God damn it, if he wouldn't just fucking miss boss so god damn much, he could just _stay_ here, where it's safe. But he couldn't, no matter how much he wanted.

“welp,” Papyrus continued eventually, after a little sigh. He got up from the couch, grabbing into the bag of his hoodie. “i s'pose i can't really stop you from trying to get home. here.”

He tossed him the key to the workshop. Huh, didn't Red have it himself just yesterday?

He must be looking as confused as he felt, because Papyrus started awkwardly explaining, rubbing the back of his neck absently.

“uh, look, i… i was really worried yesterday,” he began, muttering, embarrassed, “and also kind of drunk...”  
“w-wait, you stole it?” Red summed up, feeling more surprised than violated. “ _when?_ ”  
“when you were sleeping- LOOK-” he suddenly boomed, trying to defend himself, “i didn't, like, touch _you_ at all or anything, i didn't even see you or anything, i just went straight for your jacket. it was, uh, in it's pocket.”

The taller skeleton looked incredibly embarrassed, stroking one arm with the other, while trying to avoid any eye contact. He coughed a little in his fist.

“w-wow, i really sound like a creep right now,” he muttered. “shit, red, i'm- wow, i'm sorry.”

Red wasn't sure what to say or even _feel_ about it. Was he supposed to be upset? Feel attacked? Violated? Probably. And he was sure he would be, any other given time, but right now Red felt kind of too… numb. Numb from having just cried into someone else's chest, and he couldn't really bring himself to act like he was upset about that. It wasn't like boss had done far worse before. Besides that, he found himself trusting that Papyrus' only intention ever was to get that damn key. And in the end, it was his anyways, so did he even have a _right_ to be upset?

Still, Papyrus looked awfully guilty.

“'s alright,” Red muttered eventually, but it only hardly seemed to set Papyrus at ease. Red considered going on, saying something like 'could've been worse' or 'i'm used to it', but he highly doubted that would help in this situation.

Instead he just gave a weak shrug and stuffed the key back into his pocket. Papyrus seemed to accept that, vaguely, and sighed.

“guess i'll be headin' up,” he said eventually. “sans' ain't here and i seriously gotta need to catch up on some sleep.”  
“heh, yea right, lazy ass.” Red rolled his eyes, albeit more jokingly rather than anything else. “i'll, uh, be in the workshop… i guess.”

Still a bit tense Papyrus nodded, before heading up the stairs. Red waited until the click of the other's door closing was heard, then let himself slump down face-first on the couch with a long sigh. God, he felt so emotionally exhausted from this whole fiasco, he just wanted to sleep for the next five years. But Red knew very well that if he would just spend his whole day sleeping, his self-hate would eventually catch up on him and eat him away. Besides, it was better to spend his time working on the machine than just doing _nothing._ He had to get back after all. He had to, sooner or later.

With a sigh Red pushed himself up, heading for the workshop.


	11. why did kid fall off the swing?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, who wants to see me getting embarrassed bc i have  
> 1\. never smoked before  
> 2\. never written something like this before  
> 3\. im a fucking goody-two-shoes and very innocent and unexperienced i never even drank alcohol dont be so hard on me im just a child im trying my best
> 
> (i had to delete this whole thing bc i had to edit something and i was so embarrassed, but im gonna be blunt with u, it was probably nothing)

Despite only having an exoskeleton, Red still seemed to be able to feel hot after working on the machine for a few hours. Chalking it up to magic, Red thought, wiping a few droplets of sweat from his brow. Science, or at least monster-biology, wasn't exactly a very big topic in his universe. Monsters spent most of their time creating new way to kill each other or not getting killed really. And besides, Skeleton monsters were quite rare around the underground. He had yet to meet another, aside from himself and his brother and, well, their alternate versions. But those didn't really count.

Red sighed as he glanced around the insides of the machine. He still wasn't sure how much progress he had made, but the technology looked quite advanced and tidied up from when he had first come to this universe. Maybe he _could_ actually fix this damn thing. Then again, he didn't exactly know what was going to happen _when_ he did. Hopefully he would find out.

“any progress?”

Red jolted up, almost shrieking in surprise, but instead just took a sharp intake of air this time. “ _fucking hell,”_ he hissed through his teeth, slowly turning to glare at Papyrus. The tall skeleton was leaning against the frame of the door, hands in his pocket.

“woah, sorry,” he apologized. “still jumpy?”

Red didn't bother him a reply, simply huffed out a shallow growl and turned back to work on the machine. He knew the other wasn't going to leave that easy, so he didn't bother to really send him away or pay him any more attention than necessary.

“sorry about that,” Papyrus muttered, sounding a little closer to Red than before. Probably sitting on the counter. “sans' really not that jumpy, i sometimes forget you are.”

Wow. “i'm _not_ blue,” Red hissed, surprising himself a bit with how pissy he sounded. But, well, he _wasn't!_ And why the fuck would Papyrus think that? Just because they might look somewhat similar didn't mean Red wasn't his own god damn person.

“i know!” Papyrus defended himself, sounding equally surprised. “that's not what i meant. i _know_ you're not sa- blue. you're, uh, quite different.”

“then what the fuck's the problem?” Sans huffed. He had stopped screwing on the machine and instead had tucked his arms close to himself. “why would you compare us then?”

“i'm not _comparing_ you. fuck, red, i just mean that i'm not used having to tip-toe around people.”

Oh. Red wanted to complain, feeling even more offended. He wanted to defend himself, saying he wasn't made out of porcelain, but he knew exactly what Papyrus meant. Every tiniest noise could put Red on alert. Every smallest movement made him jump. He hated it, he hated it so much, but so far he hadn't realized how much of a _hassle_ it must be to Papyrus. Red just had to handle with his own anxiety, nothing he wasn't used to. But Papyrus? If he was anything like Blueberry he must be holding himself back a whole lot for Red.

“wow,” Red muttered, silently closing the opening of the machine. “w-wow, i'm... sorry.”

“what?” Papyrus asked, genuinely confused. “what? no, you did nothing wrong. no need tibia-pologizing.”

Red ignored the pun, not even rolling his eyes. “whatever,” he murmured. “why're you here?”

“oh, uh, yea. you've been really working yourself down to the bone here-” Wow. “and, uh, y'know? you don't have to work all the time.”

“i'm not working _all_ the time,” Red countered. “we ate together earlier, remember?”

“yea, i guess. but still, you should take a break. just relax. we could watch some tv- do you smoke?”

Red pondered over that. He really hadn't done a lot more unless it had something to do with working on the machine or getting something to eat. Relax? That wasn't really an option he's ever had back in his universe. Even there, he was either working on _something_ boss had assigned him to do, or trying to get a few minutes of sleep. He was really happy for every second he could close an eye, knowing well that if he tried to sleep at night, night terrors would just find his way to him.

“red?” Papyrus asked and the smaller skeleton noticed he seemed to have been spacing out. Quickly he turned back around to Papyrus, wondering if the other skeleton had said something he had missed.

“w-what was that...?” He asked, a little anxious over seeming rude.

“uh, do you smoke?” Papyrus repeated and Red shook his head no.

“not anymore,” the smaller skeleton admitted. He had, honestly, a long while ago. But boss hated it when Red got drunk, and absolutely flipped his shit when he started to smoke.

“you want to?” Papyrus questioned, holding a hand down to Red to help him up, which Red accepted.

“blue doesn't like it when you smoke inside,” Red noted, remembering how the smaller ball of blue had been quite angry at Papyrus before.

“well, blue's not here and what he doesn't know won't hurt him.”

“hah, cheeky.” Red gave him a lopsided, unbelieving grin. “since when you lyin' to your baby brother?”

Papyrus shrugged as he started heading outside the workshop and up to his room. Red followed behind.

“my bro's really sweet and probably, most likely, right. but sometime's a skeleton's just gotta unwind, y'know?”

“hah,” Red huffed, peeking curiously over Papyrus' shoulder. The taller skeleton was hunched over a small drawer, pulling out a small plastic bag with something green in it.

“what the fuck,” Red blurted surprised. “what? weed?”

The taller shrugged, giving Red a satisfied grin. “didn't expect that?”

“does blue know about this?”

“are you sans' personal spy now or something?” Papyrus countered. “no he doesn't. i'm a rebel, i'm bone to be wild. you still in?”

Red eyed the bag of weed suspiciously, but nodded eventually. “y-yea i guess. can't hurt to try, right?” Papyrus gave a lazy shrug. Wow what a help. So reassuring.

Curiously Red watched the other roll a joint, before fishing for a lighter in his hoodie pocket.

“wanna have the first hit?”

“no fucking way!” Red growled defensively. Seeing Papyrus' shocked face he felt a little bad. He knew he didn't actually have a reason to feel that much on guard, but just couldn't help himself.

“n-no, sorry,” he tried again, more silently.

Watching the smaller skeleton warily, Papyrus nodded after a short while, putting the joint between his teeth and lighting it. He took a long drag, keeping the smoke in his chest for a while, before letting it curl out through his teeth and eye-sockets. Slowly Papyrus took the joint between his fingers, holding it towards Red while raising a bony brow in question. Hesitatingly Red reached for the joint.

“y-you sure this is safe...?” He muttered warily.

“what's the worst that could happen?”

Oh, Red had quite a few ideas. From doing some dumb shit while being high to doing some _really_ _dumb shit_ while being high. What if Blueberry came home earlier and caught them smoking? He wasn't _really_ scared of Blue, yet he didn't like hearing the excitable Sans scold others. It reminded him too much of... boss?

“guess you're right,” Red muttered despite himself. He lead the joint up to his teeth, hesitantly taking a drag. And immediately regretting it, as the smoke felt like it was burning through his makeshift-lungs and he fell into a coughing fit.

“wow, woah, easy buddy,” Papyrus tried to calm the other skeleton, giving him a few pats on the back. “you alright?”

“fucking christ,” Red croaked out, throat feeling scratchy from the coughing. He glared at Papyrus once he heard him let out a chuckle.

“heh, don't worry that's normal. shoulda have warned you,” he muttered, snatching the joint again from Red's hand and taking another drag. “you still wanna give it another shot?”

“yea, whatever,” Red muttered, rolling his eyes. The second time he didn't start coughing.

They were both sitting on the ground in Papyrus' mess of a room, back leaned against the wall while sharing a joint. The taller one of them rattling down joke after joke, until he finally got Red to laugh. And eventually even got Red to participate.

“y-you got a kid 'round 'ere, ey?” He asked and Papyrus nodded, confused as to why he would ask that. Yea they had a monster child called Kid as neighbor. Most likely Red had the same neighbor back in his universe. “k, ok so why did kid fall off the swing?”

“huh, why?” Papyrus asked, still genuinely confused.

“'cause they _had no arms_.” Red let out a wheezy laughter, but he wasn't done yet. “knock knock.”

“who's there?”

“well, _not kid_ , that's for sure.”

This time Papyrus let out a laugh. “my god red,” he wheezed, “oh my god, that's awful.”

“heh.”

They kept trading jokes like that back and forth, Red ones always having kind of a cruel touch to them, but Papyrus didn't seem to mind. It was nice being able to relax like that. It was nice and new and Red found himself relaxing enough to be completely off guard, until the taller seemed to be leaning on his shoulder by the time they had finished their second joint.

“personal space, dude,” Red huffed, trying to nudge Papyrus off him, but the other didn't budge.

“mh, hey red?” He muttered, looking down at the smaller skeleton. “you're not... my bro.”

Red rolled his eyes laughing. “yea. no shit.”

“so, like. it would be ok if we made out?”

“what.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you wanted stoner paps? here you go  
> fuck  
> fuck me  
> dont fuck me please, but we could go on a date first if youre really interested
> 
> (THIS IS SO BADAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA)  
> (also my character development garbage is so subtle like wow i just make them drunk or high or what the fuck ever and then go "ok here comes a shitton of stuff they usually wouldnt do bc fUCK")
> 
> edit:  
> oh im planning something bad...........something very bad.....................oh god


	12. ohhhh fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i dont know what im doing, its 2 am and i decided to fuck it and just write what the fuck ever, it's not like im obliged to write perfect stuff or obliged to write anything im doing this for fun and i aM HAVING FUN
> 
>  
> 
> also thanks so much for all the kind comments!!! i love u guys  
> (this chapter's a bit shorter)

Red didn't really get an answer aside from Papyrus suddenly clanking their teeth together, one of his arms laying lazily around Red's neck.

Woah.

Even with his mind fogged up he could feel some of the anxiety rising up from his stomach to his throat in the form of nausea, but it was much easier to push down and block out. Surprising himself Red put his arms on Papyrus' shoulders, pulling him even closer, or rather pulling himself up the others lap, and something wet was pressing against his teeth. Oh god, had Papyrus conjured a tongue? Yep. Yep, he had, and so had Red, and suddenly Papyrus was pushing his tongue into Red's mouth and neither of the skeletons could help but to let out a needy groan.

Oh, this was going to be weird, Red absently thought. He's never really made out with someone. He's never really cared for anyone that way. But as soon as Papyrus was apparently satisfied with tasting every corner of Red's mouth and moved to his neck instead, sucking on the single vertebraes. Lightly, but enough to make Red moan and lean even more into Papyrus.

Sitting on top of his lap, Red could feel Papyrus already hardening bulge through the pants and gave a push, roughly grinding against it. Satisfied with the way Papyrus' breath hitched, he kept grinding, feeling himself growing harder as well.

“ohhhh fuck,” Papyrus groaned and buried his face into the crook of Red's neck.

Very, very satisfied with himself Red wanted to give another stronger push, but instead stopped abruptly, feeling the others teeth digging into his shoulder. Suddenly Red remembered the feeling of nausea in the pit of his stomach.

“haah, pap…?” He breathed desperately, but the other didn't exactly seem to be listening. Instead he kept nibbling up from Red's shoulder to his neck, until he found the leather of his collar and put it between his teeth. And tugged.

Red jolted up, eyes wide, sweat forming on his skull. “ _papyrus,_ ” he said again, firmer this time, despite his voice being barely more than a hiss. He felt sick. He felt like vomiting. He felt like crying.

Apparently the shift in Red's voice seemed to have caught the other's attention. “mmmhhh? somethin's up, red?” Papyrus muttered, releasing the collar from his teeth, moving to Red's mouth instead. But Red stopped him.

“d-don't… don't _do_ that,” he hissed through his teeth, suddenly high alert. Unlike Papyrus.

“do what…?” He murmured, sounding a little as if he was talking more to himself rather than Red. Despite the situation, Red could suddenly feel Papyrus' hands sneaking up from under his shirt, and an obnoxious grin creeping on the taller skeleton's face. Red felt sick.

“ _don_ _'_ _t…_ ” Don't what? He wasn't sure himself. He just wanted this panic to _stop._ “don't t-tou-hhhah-” He didn't _want_ Papyrus to stop touching him. Oh, this was getting confusing. Red didn't know anymore what he wanted and what not. He didn't want Papyrus to stop touching him, for once the touches felt _good_ , but at the same time…

Red jolted up with an undignified screech as he felt the others palm press against the bulge in his own pants. Immediately he pushed Papyrus off of him, slamming the other rather hard against the wall, but the taller skeleton didn't seem to mind too much. As fast as Red could he crept a few feet away from the other, kneeling on the ground before Papyrus, panting.

He couldn't do this.

He wanted to, he wanted to so bad. Something about this felt so fucking good, making him feel so hot, and he _really_ wanted to see Papyrus, this Papyrus become undone. Oh god, how he wanted to.

But suddenly every touch Papyrus' made felt so familiar. _Too_ familiar. The way he had bit his neck, the way he had tugged his collar, the way his much bigger phalanges would run over Red's spine. It felt _too much_ like boss. It felt so much like boss and it called back memories Red didn't want to remember. Pictures that weren't good. None of them. Not a single one.

“i-i can't…,” Red choked out shocked. He flinched when he saw Papyrus moving closer again.

“heey, relax,” the taller purred, wrapping an arm around Red again, and for the moment, Red hated him. “wha's the matter?”

For a moment Red thought the way Papyrus was pressing against him rendered him unable to breath, but soon noticed that that wasn't the source. Oh, he was hyperventilating now. He was hyperventilating and Papyrus was pressed against him, breathing heavy against the side of his skull and he smelled like weed and so did Red probably and the hot breath against his skull left moist spots, just like boss' breath did, and there were tears at the corner of Red's eyes now. He felt limb, no, numb. Maybe both. He was hyperventilating, but he couldn't muster up any strength to stop it. He couldn't muster up any strength to hold himself up anymore and fell to the ground instead, Papyrus sitting on top of him. Or _did_ he fall? Maybe Papyrus pushed him, he wasn't sure, he just knew he was now lying on the ground vulnerable and Papyrus was towering above him and he had that lustful shimmer in his eyes, the one boss often had after long days or sometimes just.

And Red was hyperventilating, breathing short, fast breaths that didn't supply with any air. Could he suffocate? He wasn't sure. Did he have lungs? Maybe magical ones. But he was hyperventilating, and he tried to swallow down some spit gathering at the back of his throat, but he was hyperventilating and he started coughing and nothing ever went right for Red, did it?

He was coughing now, coughing until his throat hurt, and absently Red felt tears running down his face, leaving a small trail that soon dried and felt gross and crusty on his face. He couldn't stop coughing, and he was really running short on air now Red noticed, because his head started feeling heavy and he felt kind of dizzy and a bit like he was moving. Or being moved? He was being moved. Papyrus had gotten off of Red and was helping him sit up, giving a few, a bit too strong, pats on the back to help him get out of his coughing fit.

When Red finally stopped coughing he was sitting hunched over in Papyrus' arms, shaking violently, forcefully trying to regulate his breathing. It took a little while before he managed to, but it helped him calm down a bit. Not a lot, just enough to catch his breath and stop sobbing. He was still shaking vigorously, but it was a beginning.

Papyrus was still holding him, gently stroking Red's back now. It was soothing in a way. It was a calming reminder that Papyrus was not boss and that Red wasn't alone. But also, Red _wanted_ to be aline. He wasn't used to this, this kind of attention. He rarely ever had attacks this bad in front of others, and when he did, it never ended good. Boss didn't like him acting that way. Acting weak, vulnerable. But this wasn't boss. Boss wasn't here.

“hey are you… uh, alright?” Papyrus drawled and Red nodded shakily.

“yea,” he huffed, “'guess so. i'm, uh… tired. i think i'm gonna nap...” Red was just about to leave the door, when Papyrus placed a hand on his shoulder, stopping him in his tracks. Red flinched almost visibly at the contact.

“yea, no.” The tall skeleton huffed. “no, red, what the hell was this about?”

Red flinched again. Oh. Oh, he was mad. Red had thought Papyrus wasn't like boss, that Papyrus wouldn't get angry about this, but he'd been wrong. Of course he'd been wrong. And, oh god, Papyrus face was scrunched up in a frown and suddenly Red thought he _really_ didn't want to know what this world's Papyrus was capable of.

“i-i'm sorry!” Red stuttered out. “i'm sorry, i-i d-didn't m-mean t-t-o panic!”

“woa red, calm down, it's alright. that's not what i meant, i… what _happened?_ did i-”

“ _no!_ ” Red interrupted him. “n-no it's n-not your fault...”  
Judging by the way Papyrus was looking at Red expectant, the smaller skeleton knew he was still waiting for more of an explanation. But Red _really_ wasn't ready to talk about boss. Not right now. Not with Papyrus.

He hugged himself tightly, glancing away from the other skeleton. “papyrus, i'm really exhausted...”

“y-yea! sure, sorry. sorry, you should go take a nap.”

And as soon as he got the permission, Red stalked out of the room and down the stairs to lie on the couch. He didn't think he was actually going to be able to sleep, but he _did_ feel exhausted, mentally and physically. And only minuted after lying down face-first, he actually dozed off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we could've had sweet skele smoochies  
> but did u rly think red could just smooch a literal alternate version of his past abuser and rapist
> 
> plus i originally wanted to make this  
> a lot  
> lot  
> worse


	13. What do you do if all you can do is scream?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Warning: This chapter has rape and sexual content**
> 
> last chapter was 200 words shorter than normal. this one's 1000 words longer than normal, so i guess we're even?  
> so, first of all, thanks for all the nice comments!!! i love u all  
> then lemme share a bit with u  
> almost all my fics have depressive or anxious (or both) characters, bc i fucking love pushing my experiences with depression and anxiety on them. in red's case ofc a lot lot worse than i have them, i dont really have panic attacks, but still. so i thought, why just push depression and anxiety symptoms i have on him, if i can also push fucked up terrifying events i had once on him???  
> have fun
> 
> (tfw u read through your own chapter again and find 294739209183901083875 mistakes)

He could feel boss' hot breath on the back of his neck. His phalanges scratching over his spine, sharp even through the gloves. Teeth raking all over Red's body, leaving marks and scratches that wouldn't leave Red for the next few days.

It was nothing new.

It happened.

It was nothing special.

Red took a sharp breath, trying to ignore it. To ignore the moist hot breath on his neck. To ignore boss' tongue snaking it's way over his vertebraes. To ignore the moving inside him. To ignore boss.

He tried his best to feel nothing. Numb. If he'd fall unconscious now he wouldn't mind. Those were the better times. The times he'd just fall unconscious and woke up later, nude, lying on the ground. His body sporting a set of fresh new scratches, scars, bites that not rarely made him feel stiff with dried blood.

But those were the better times. He could handle physical hurt. It wasn't that bad. He could handle physical pain and abuse. It was the mental shit that was getting to him, and Red knew it. And boss most likely did, too. Or maybe not. Boss _was_ kind of dense sometimes. Either way, Red doubted boss would care if he knew.

He lied limb on the couch or on the bed or the ground, he wasn't even sure anymore, but he was being held down roughly by boss, and he could feel him moving inside him. Red tried to ignore it. Block it off. Go numb.

He felt boss thrusting inside him. Ignore it. He felt him moving. Block it off. With every movement boss' made, with every time he thrust inside Red, the smaller skeleton could practically feel the disgust of himself grow. The hate. He hated himself so much. He disgusted himself. He was disgusting. He deserved it.

Red knew that wasn't true. But he couldn't help but to tell himself it was. It wasn't his fault boss was like this. But at the same time it was. Maybe he didn't deserve it right now. Here and now he didn't deserve this kind of sexual abuse. Here and now Red wasn't at fault. But in the big picture? He could've been a better person. A better brother. He could've stopped boss from becoming the way he was. In the big picture this was Red's fault. In the big picture he deserved this. He was disgusting.

Red closed his eyes. He couldn't look at boss right now. He couldn't look at _anything_ right now without connecting anything he'd see with this situation later on. So he closed his eyes. Pinched them together roughly. Blocked everything off.

Boss was moving fast and rough and it hurt. It hurt so fucking much, but Red did his best to block it off. Ignore it. Don't cry. Don't whimper. Don't make any noise. It would only get worse if he did. It always got worse if he did. Don't fight. Don't kick. Don't cry for help. No one will help him. No one will hear him but boss, and boss will punish him.

The movements got faster and boss' hands pressed him down stronger, claws digging into his bone, leaving fresh trails of blood. Red blocked it off. He just waited. Waited for him to finish. That was all he wanted. For this to be over.

He felt something warm filling his magic as boss gave one particularly hard thrust, and a few moments after it filled him it disappeared. And a bit after that, so did both of the skeleton's magical parts. Red took a breath. Was it over?

No.

He felt boss hand take his shoulder and turn him roughly to face him. Red had his eyes closed. He waited for boss to yell at him. Call him weak, pathetic, useless. Tell him this wasn't over yet, tell him he wasn't done yet. Tell him Red had fucked up and he had to be punished.

But instead of boss' rough voice he heard the same voice, but calmer, softer, saying, "red." Red opened his eyes.

And he was lying with his back on the couch. Alone.

It had been a dream. Of course it had been a dream. He wasn't in his universe anymore, boss wasn't here. The voice he heard wasn't boss' but Papyrus'. Boss' wasn't here.

Red still felt disgust sticking on his bones and self-loath hanging in the air. Of _course_ he would dream something like this. After what had happened before he fell asleep? Of course those things would come up in his dreams. Of course they would. Red hated it. But he was awake now, and hell he wouldn't let himself fall asleep again that easy.

Might as well work some on the machine, he thought as he got himself up and headed to the workshop. Hah, it was sad really. Even after this dream, with the images, the memories of boss downright _raping_ him, he still wanted to get back. He did. He had to. He hated the things boss did to him and he hated boss for doing them to him, but he had to get back. He was his brother, for fucks sake.

The machine looked differently than last time. When Red looked inside the wires looked messier and kind of sticky. Was that oil? Did someone mess with his machine? A bit rougher than intended he slammed the machine shut and turned around to face Papyrus.

"did you do something to the machine?" He confronted him. Papyrus shrugged lazily, perfect to his image of leaning against the wall close to the door as he so often would, hands hidden in the pocket of his hoodie.

"'dunno," he said, rolling a cigarette from one side in his mouth to the other, "might have. doesn't matter."

What the fuck was _that_ supposed to mean? Of course it mattered!

"i had been working on that machine for _ages,_ fucker!" Red growled, suddenly extremely angered. How could _Papyrus_ just mess up all the work and progress he had made? Sure it had only been a week and a few days, but fuck! He had to get back as soon as possible, and that wasn't going to work if Papyrus would just fucking mess with his work.

"yea, uh-huh," Papyrus drawled nonchalantly, strolling closer to Red. He didn't flinch back. "y'know what i've been working on for ages? to finally _get you."_ Red gasped as he felt Papyrus swoop him up into his arms, pressing his teeth against Red's in a kiss. A hot and hazy kiss that didn't take long for both skeletons to conjure their magical tongues and left them both breathless and flushed. It felt so good. Fuck, the images of boss had still been in his mind so strong and fresh just moments ago and now they were _gone._ Unimportant. Pushed aside. Replaced. _This_ was important now. Papyrus. _This_ Papyrus. And _fuck_ was he important, Red thought has he involuntarily began bucking his hips a little. Papyrus let out a deep chuckle.

Still in Papyrus' hold, Red wrapped his hands tightly around Papyrus to not fall off. And maybe also as an excuse to just _touch him_.

"fuck red," Papyrus breathed. The voice made a fucking shiver run down Red's spine. "fuck, you look so good like this." And Red could only assume that he was already flushed red.

The taller skeleton placed him down, setting him on the counter of the workshop, and for an immediate moment Red missed the contact. But he didn't get too long to actually worry about this. Almost immediately Papyrus sank down to his knees, taking Red's shorts with him.

Fuck, Red thought. Fuck, he looks so hot like this, and suddenly he felt a tongue lapping along his cock. When had he conjured it? It didn't matter. It was there and so was Papyrus tongue, so fucking close, and fuck, it felt so good. Better than Red would've ever imagine. Better than would seem realistic. But what does it matter? It just felt good and Red just enjoyed it, breathing heavily, groaning out Papyrus' name.

He hadn't noticed when he had closed his eyes, but he immediately realized what a shame it is, because suddenly he felt Papyrus' taking his cock in his mouth and _who wouldn't_ want to see that. Red opened his eyes.

And he woke up on the couch, lying on his back. Uncomfortably hot and hard.

Another dream? That was getting ridiculous. But Red really couldn't care less about _that_ right now. The images of the last dream were still in his mind, _strong._ Was it hot in here? Man it was hot in here.

Red rolled to his side. It was quiet. So quiet that it was almost certain that Papyrus was either in his room asleep or out. Either way, Red figured, he wouldn't come here to see him any time soon. Right?

Right!?

Fuck it.

He slipped a hand under the waistband of his shorts, pulling them down enough just to free his throbbing cock. He wouldn't take long. Quick process. No one would notice. No one would find out.

Quickly Red moved a hand to his dick, the images of his dream still fresh in his mind. He could practically feel Papyrus' tongue in his mouth. When had he even started feeling about Papyrus this way? He couldn't remember. It seemed to have just… happened. Slowly, quietly, but fuck. He could practically feel Papyrus' tongue on his _cock_. And fuck, he let out a delicious groan, immediately shooting a hand up to his mouth to cover it up.

 _He couldn't let Papyrus hear him_. But almost as soon as the thought occurred him a spike of excitement and pleasure shot through his body and he let out another moan, muffled by his hand. Oh shit, was he getting _off_ by the thought of Papyrus catching him? Just _how_ sick was he?

Apparently sick enough to jerk off on someone _else's_ couch, while that person might as fucking well be home and could come down any moment. But fuck, it felt so good. So unbelievably good. Unbelievably, unrealistically, just like in his dream, and Red opened his eyes.

He was lying on his back.

On the couch.

The last few minutes never happened, he knew as much. They had been a dream. Another dream. The _third_ dream.

What the fuck was going on? Was he awake now? He _felt_ awake. He had to be awake now, right? Red glanced around. He wasn't _sure_ what to do about this. Where there any signs to catch that he was still asleep? He checked the furniture and everything seemed still in order. He could move and feel and hear just right, but so did he when he was dreaming! How was he supposed to fucking tell?

He knew how to wake up, Red remembered. Opening his eyes. If he opened them on purpose, and not in a blink, he would do so in real. He would open his eyes and wake up. Red closed them tightly, only to open them moments later. He was still on the same spot as before. Nothing happened. Was he awake?

No. He didn't trust this.

No, no, he couldn't tell. Was this real? How was he supposed to know?

Red's breathing fastened as he panicked. How was he supposed to wake up!? Could he ever wake up? Was he stuck? Stuck in some sick dream-loop? Did he die? Was this hell? Was this where you went to when you died?

He heard steps coming down the stairs, and Red felt on equal amounts relieved as scared. He didn't want anyone to see him like this. He didn't want anyone to see him _scared_ and _panicked_ like this. But he needed Papyrus right now. Fuck, he had become so spoiled. So fucking spoiled. Disgusting.

Red walked up the taller skeleton almost the moment he had reached the bottom step and Papyrus seemed to sense something was up, because he stopped, looking down at Red with a worried expression. He knelt down to his height.

“'s everything alright, red?” He asked calmly. Fuck. What did Red ever do to land _here?_ He didn't deserve it. He didn't serve to be treated with so much care and calm. He wasn't used to it. He was used to boss beating him. Shouting at him. Even when boss was in a good mood, he would command Red around.

Red began shaking and Papyrus took him in an embrace. He didn't fight it. He felt like he needed it right now.

“'nother nightmare?” Papyrus asked. Had it been a nightmare? It didn't feel like one. The first dream, maybe. But the others? The dreams themselves didn't scare Red. It was the fact that he had _no_ idea what was real anymore. It was the fact that he could just wake up any moment and all of this was a dream _again._

“maybe,” he choked out as he clung to Papyrus. Hah, he remembered clearly how he had hated, no, feared physical contact just days ago. And now he was just _craving_ for it. What had changed? Had he become weaker?  
“need to talk 'bout it?” The taller asked and Red took a sharp breath and nodded. He told him about it. About the dreams, about waking up again and again and again and how every time it felt so _real_ and now he wasn't sure just _what_ was real anymore. It sounded ridiculous. Laughable. He's had way worse nightmares before! Why would _that_ one shake him so much?  
But Papyrus didn't laugh at him. He stroked his back gently, calming.

“don't worry,” he said. “you're awake now.”  
“how are _you_ supposed to know,” Red asked, and it came out far more hateful than intended. Papyrus didn't seem to mind.

“c'mon, i'm here! i'm literally awake and i'm tellin' you, you are too. trust me, a'right?”  
Red nodded.

He wanted to.

But he didn't.

“everything's gonna be alright,” Papyrus said and Red hummed, feeling the little echo their voices left. “you're gonna be fine. you're awake now, everythin's gonna be fine.”

Red's hands balled into fists.

“it's over, t'was just a dream,” Papyrus continued. “'s not gonna happen again.” Echo, echo. It sounded like they were in a big, empty hall.  
They weren't.

“you're save now.” Echo. Lies.

“no,” Red whimpered, echo following his voice. “no no no no _no!_ no, i'm not!”  
He wasn't awake. He was still dreaming. And if he woke up on the couch again, he was still dreaming. He couldn't wake up. He wouldn't wake up. He opened his eyes. He closed them again, just to open them again. _Why_ wouldn't he wake up?  
“no!” He screamed, ignoring what Papyrus thought of him. It was just a dream anyways. “no! no no no no!” Was Papyrus even still there? Where was Red? It didn't matter.

He screamed, over and over again. But his voice wasn't loud at all. But he screamed. His lungs hurt and he screamed, and his voice was hardly more than a whisper. And then he shouted and screamed and called for help, god, someone, help him. He had to get out of this fucking loop somehow. He was stuck. Stuck stuck stuck in a fucking dream. He shouted and screamed but his voice was gone completely. What do you do if all you can do is scream, but your voice is just ineffective? He screamed more and more, no noise coming out of his mouth. And then he heard a rough, silent noise in the back of his head.

He opened his eyes and was lying on the ground, next to the couch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it sounds so stupid but fuck  
> imagine ur fucking dreaming an ENTIRE day (in my case, i didn't make it an entire day for red) and at the end of the day you just wake up  
> and then you go through the whole day again and wake up AGAIN. and you're like "haha, that's fucked. will be a great story to tell my friends later"  
> and then, later, you wake up again. weird right? yea. weird. but whatever. happens. happens. now i'm awake. i'm 100% certain with that.  
> other than red i know ways to test if you're asleep or not. ways to wake yourself up if you're sleeping, bc i explored my dreams a lot and stuff, but honestly? seems like my mind evolved. everything i did seemed to be as if i was awake and i didn't wake up when i forced myself to, so i'm awake right?  
> nope. i woke up again. and thats when i freaked out. and i went to tell someone and thats when the whole echo thing happened. the voices just echoed. my steps echoed and i realized i was asleep and i just screamed and shouted and called for help  
> it was fucked up man  
> i mean obviously not so fucked up that i cringe everytime i remember it, im p cool about talking about it, but it still left me pretty terrified. for like a week i would get scared everytime something slightly unrealistic happened, i couldnt tell what was real and what not anymore. i still often get suspicious about it, but way less. but i get fucking terrified everytime i have a dream even slightly similiar to that, because i had them twice and they're fucking terrifying
> 
> also i'm fucking writing a shitton lately, eh??? 2600 words alone today  
> sick, i love it


	14. you look like a mess

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this title fits bc this chapter is a mess  
> i dont know what im doing??? im just kinda making everything up on the scratch and stuff comes out so what ever  
> i hope its good

Before he even got to look around he shot a hand towards the couch to his side, feeling the texture of the fabric. The feeling of leather against his phalanges, single rougher, dried off spots. He memorized the patterns. Small, irrelevant details. Dreams couldn't calculate those, right? He felt over the texture again and again. Was he awake? He couldn't tell. He _still_ couldn't tell.

Red's chest hurt and he realized he was breathing heavily. Too heavily. It was pathetic, laughable even. He's gotten weak. He's had so much worse night-terrors before, why did that one shake him so much?

Red glanced around the room and all the furniture was still in place. But then again, so did he think last time, and they had been placed differently than now. It _felt_ real though. He felt awake, more than before, but so had he last time. Could his head just make him believe anything? Distort his memories, just fuck him up? Sure, why not, if it can drive him into panic attacks over tiny things, too. His head was controlling him and not the other way around anymore, and it scared the shit out of Red.

Once he had stopped hyperventilating and caught his breath, tears pricking at the corners of his eyes, he shoved himself off the ground and got up. He was hungry he noticed, and despite feeling like shit made his way to the kitchen. Could he eat in a dream? Would it stop his hunger? He wasn't sure, but Red's stomach hurt and he didn't care. Even old tacos sounded good right now, and without bothering to heat them up Red sat down on the kitchen table with a plate of two cold tacos.

Only minutes after he sat down Red heard steps coming from the living room, heading towards the kitchen. Red braced himself, despite knowing it was just Papyrus. Despite knowing he was safe. Old habits die hard.

The taller skeleton shuffled in, rocking a loose tank top and some dirty boxers. He still seemed half asleep, but seemed to spot Red immediately. After blinking the sleep out of his eyes and a small "hey" Papyrus strolled past Red to the fridge, grabbing a plate of tacos for himself. Unlike Red though he actually heated them up. Stopping the microwave before it could make it's ringing noise, he grabbed the slightly steaming plate out of it and sat down across from Red.

"...how'd you sleep?" Papyrus asked eventually, after taking a small bite from his now soggy, old taco.

Red wasn't sure what to say. He didn't feel like lying to Papyrus. But should he tell him about the dream? He still wasn't sure if this was even _real_ , and he still didn't think the nightmare was actually something that should shake him that much.

"i'm ok...," Red muttered instead, not intending to elaborate any more. He suddenly wasn't hungry anymore, and he felt sick at the sight of the taco in his hands.

"are you sure?" The other asked, still sounding far too tired, yet concerned. "you look like a mess, red."

Oh, well, when _didn't_ he look like a mess?

"just didn't sleep so well," he replied, feeling uncomfortable with the attention. He wasn't used to talking about his problems.

"nightmares?" Papyrus asked simply and Red gave a shrug.

"not exactly. 'dunno what it was, 'twas stupid."

"woah, hey red, don't say that," Papyrus complained, brow furrowing. It took Red a little off guard. Had he said something wrong? Well, Papyrus didn't exactly sound angry, more distressed maybe. "it ain't stupid if it bothers you. look, i don't care what the matter is, but your feelings ain't stupid."

"wow, sappy," Red noted with a breathy chuckle, but Papyrus didn't exactly seem up for jokes today. He sighed a little.

"y'know, you can talk to me if you want, red."

He _did_ know. And the idea had been in his mind since the moment he woke up. But what was the point really? Papyrus couldn't help him either if he told him about his dream. If he told him he couldn't tell what was real anymore and what not. Last time, last dream Papyrus had just told him it _was_ real. And then, obviously, it wasn't. So what the fuck was the point.

The point was that he didn't have to go through this alone. Even if Papyrus couldn't really help him, he could be there for him. Maybe try to keep him calm. He knew that it would probably help somehow. But it was so _dumb_. He's had _such_ worse dreams before. This one was no reason to be so scared of. No reason to bother Papyrus with.

"it's dumb, though...," he muttered, glancing away from the other skeleton. He wasn't sure why he said it, he already knew Papyrus wasn't gonna have any of it.

"it's not dumb," the taller complained, just as Red suspected. "you don't have to talk about it, but i'm here for you if you wanna, alright?"

Red gave a shaky nod, still avoiding any eye contact with the other. There was a little pause where neither of the two talked. Papyrus simply continued eating his tacos, while Red completely ignored his own, curling up on himself on the chair instead. It wasn't a comfortable silence unfortunately, it was pretty tense, as if something heavy and unsaid was still in the air. Red couldn't pin point what. The topic 'his dream' was off the list. He wasn't gonna talk about it, not yet at least, and that's it. But what then?

He didn't get too much time wondering about it.

"hey, uh... about yesterday," Papyrus began awkwardly.

"oh."

"look, i'm, uh... i'm sorry. i- _shit,_ i really, uh, fucked up there, didn't i?" He stammered awkwardly, one of his hands at the back of his neck.

“'s alright…,” Red muttered.

“ _no_ , what the fuck red. i- _god,_ ” Papyrus sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose or, well, lack thereof. “i should've stopped when you said so. god, i'm really fucking sorry, i don't know what got into me.”

“i-i guess…?” Red replied a little befuddled. He… _did_ realize that Papyrus was making sense, still wasn't _used_ to it. Used to someone actually caring about what he thought? Used to someone actually caring about _consent._ It just wasn't a thing back in his universe. Or maybe it was, but it just wasn't a thing in his household.

“...hey,” he muttered after a smaller tense pause. “i d-did like it though… i mean… before i freaked out.”

“ _oh._ ” Papyrus looked up, surprised. “i, uhm… i did, too?”  
“heh, yea figured.”

Papyrus flinched. “sorry...”

Oh god. “n-no, s'alright,” Red stuttered regretfully. This whole conversation was so awkward and he kind of wished they wouldn't have brought it up, but… well, they couldn't just forget the whole last day, could they?  
“why, uh, why did you freak out, though?” Papyrus asked eventually. “if you enjoyed making out i mean, what triggered it then?”

Red sucked in a deep breath. He could talk about this. He's talked about boss with him before, he could talk about _this._

“b-boss,” he began, stuttering. “i-it just reminded me of boss a lot… heh, you _are_ kind of an almost e-exact replica of him.”

“oh…,” Papyrus muttered, brow furrowing. “god, shit, i'm sorry. i'm sorry, but what the _fuck_ did your papyrus do to you?”

Oh, he _wasn't_ ready to talk about _this._ Red didn't reply, feeling sick to the stomach with the memories of his first night terror still lingering in his mind. Given the topic at hand, though, that seemed to be enough of an answer for Papyrus.

“fuck, _fuck!_ did he-...y'know? shit, red, did he fucking _rape_ you?”  
Flinching at the words, Red nodded weakly, but still didn't say anything.

He could hear Papyrus take a deep breath. “fuck,” he said. “shit, red. come _on._ you can't go back there! back to _him._ ”  
“ _papyrus,_ ” Red whined, not up for that discussion again, and the taller skeleton gave a distressed sigh.

“yea, alright, i _know._ i'm sorry, but, _fuck._ isn't there, like, _any_ other option?” Papyrus asked, sounding almost pleading. “god, sorry, i know.” Papyrus really didn't seem to be handling the situation well.

Red clenched his teeth. This _wasn't_ what he wanted to achieve with this conversation. He wasn't sure _what_ he wanted, but it wasn't this! He should've shut kept his mouth shut. He shouldn't have to make Papyrus worry about him, there was no point in worrying about him.

“i-i'm sorry,” Red stuttered, frustrated at himself, but Papyrus simply shook his head.

“just tell me before you're going back,” he sighed. “i'm gonna figure something out. i'm gonna… give you a taser or something.”

Red laughed weakly at that. A taser hardly would make any difference. Trying to fight boss would only ever make matters worse, but he wasn't going to tell Papyrus that. It wasn't like he hadn't already done enough damage.

Sighing once more, Red watched Papyrus get up and placing his dishes in the sink. He glanced over to Red's less than half eaten taco, raising a brow.  
“are you still gonna eat that?” He asked and as Red shook his head no, he took the plate and placed it back in the fridge. Oh, gross, he didn't assume anyone was still gonna eat that. But, well, he hadn't exactly expected anything else from this Papyrus.

“welp, i should probably get dressed or something,” the taller skeleton noted, still standing in only his black tank top and some boxers.  
“heh, what makes you think that?” Red joked and he could see the other roll his eyes.

“what, you prefer me in this?” Papyrus countered, grinning when he spotted Red glancing away, blushing.

“what the fuck ever,” he muttered awkwardly. “just put some fucking clothes on.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> do u kno how hard it is to write this fic  
> everytime i write old taco i have to laugh bc it reminds me of that "I'm an otaku, which is another word for anime freak" vine


	15. you're like my bro stuck in his emo phase

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey all u old tacos out there  
> sorry this chapter took so long, woa  
> i've been kind of struggling with depression and i'm still trying to get my shit together and get help somehow, but im sure most of u understand that that's easier said than done, sooo that's all rly taking a toll on me at times  
> i also wrote an entire chapter that i eventually decided to scrap. it was, like, hardcore fluff that should've ended in smut. like HARDCORE hardcore fluff. i got cavities just from writing it, but it was _too_ fluffy too soon for Red. i'm not exactly the best writer but that was just super, like, from 0 to 100 and red wouldnt handle that, so i scrapped the whole chapter (i might use it at a later point) and instead wrote this one  
>  it's still fluff??? just gentler, so it's fine i guess  
> i hope you'll like it and it was worth the wait

Red didn't exactly feel like working on the machine anymore this day. He still wasn't quite convinced that any of this was real. Some really strong sense or instinct told him it was, but so had it before and the logical part of his mind told him that he had _no_ reason to assume this was real. And he didn't really want to make progress on the machine just for it to get erased again. Sure, it was kind of a lazy excuse, but maybe if he just waited a bit, passed the day and woke into a new one, this all would feel more real.

So he was sitting on the couch, watching that DJ robot Napstaton on TV. Papyrus was sitting next to him, slouched on the couch. He hadn't even _thought_ of going to work since Blue wasn't around, and while Red hadn't expected anything else, it still irritated him. Well, he figured he'd do the same if he were in Papyrus' situation. Except he wasn't, because if Red was _ever_ to be found slacking off of work, and boss _would_ find out somehow, he'd be in for a damn serious beating. Papyrus on the other hand seemed to hardly attend work at all, and the worst consequences he ever faced was some nagging of the Blueberry.

He felt kind of envious.

If he was ever to get back to his universe he knew things were going to get right back to how they had been before he'd left. He knew that much, and knowing boss he was in for quite the beating for getting lost in first place. The longer he'd stay, the worse his punishment would be. But he had to get back, he couldn't run away from his responsibility forever. The more time Red spent in this universe, the less he wanted to leave, but he had to. He didn't belong here.

He seemed to have been tensing up, because Papyrus was now glancing down at him concerned. “you alright?” He asked carefully. Red nodded a bit too fast.

“just thinkin' 'bout stuff,” he muttered, forcing himself to relax.

“you wanna talk 'bout it?” Red shook his head no. Fortunately Papyrus didn't pry any more and simply turned his head back to the TV. Red didn't care a lot about the TV. It was the same always. Here as well as back in his universe.

Instead he eventually found himself absently picking at the collar around his neck. One finger hooked through it, pulling ever so slightly, the thumb running over the tip of one of the studs. He could take it off, the collar. He could've taken it off the moment he came here, but didn't. And he still didn't want to. The short strap of leather, the tag dangling from it, where proof that he belonged to boss. It was, as Papyrus already mentioned, kind of sick and not even Red connected any good things with the collar really. But gods, right now it was the _only_ thing still connecting him to boss. A reminder who he belonged to, a reminder why he _had_ to get back. It felt somewhat… comforting in a way.

He felt Papyrus' hand gently taking his wrist, pulling it away from the collar. “you're hurting yourself,” the taller skeleton said concerned, and now that the pressure around Red's throat, that he hadn't even noticed had been there, was gone it _did_ kind of hurt.

Red didn't complain and instead simply nodded and turned back to watching the TV. _The_ TV, not really watching TV. He was just staring at the screen without actually focusing on what was on at all. It didn't interest him anyway.

Papyrus didn't seem to be planning to let go of Red's hand so fast, but the smaller skeleton wasn't going to complain. This was fine, he was _safe,_ Red had to remind himself. Papyrus wasn't going to hurt him. It didn't stop him from tensing up a bit when he could feel Papyrus' thumb gently stroking over the back of Red's hand. _He was safe_ , Red reminded himself once more, forcing himself to relax.

This was fine, oddly comforting even. Maybe he… needed this.

It was strange how easily Papyrus could make him feel safe. How, despite still having a fear of closeness, Papyrus somehow managed to make Red _crave_ for his touch. It was just so new. So _different._ Whenever he'd been any close to boss it was when they had sex, and that hardly had ever been consensual on Red's part.

Sure, there were moments where boss made him feel safe, where he felt like boss might actually care for him, love him even. When he was protecting him from being dusted, from getting beaten to pieces by literally any monster able to spot him, when fixing him up after an especially rough beating. But with Papyrus it was _different._ He didn't have to safe Red from being hurt just to make him feel safe. He just needed to be _there._

He heard a sharp intake of breath. “ _god damn it,_ ” Papyrus hissed through his teeth. Surprised Red looked up at him, worried that he had done something wrong, but Papyrus didn't look angry with him.

“god dammit,” he muttered again, this time calmer. “red i- i _like_ you.”  
Oh. Well, that came unexpected.

“uh, a-alright,” Red muttered, taken a little aback. “'s that bad?”

“no!” Papyrus blurted a bit too quick. “no, but… i mean, it's weird, right? you're like… fuck, you're like my bro stuck in his emo phase.”

“'m not an emo,” Red complained, muttering. “i'm not your bro either.”  
“i know, i know. you ain't anything like bro,” the other continued. “'s just… you are, technically him. but you're also your entirely own person. 's weird. it should be weird, right?”

Red mulled over that. It _was_ kind of weird. In some twisted way he _was_ his brother. Yet they also weren't brothers _at all._ They weren't even from the _same god damn universe._ So was it weird?

“i sure hope not…,” he muttered eventually, running his free hand over his face kind of awkwardly. The other was still in Papyrus' hand. “'c-cause i… uh, i think you're kinda a-alright too, i guess.”

He kind of had expected Papyrus to laugh, make fun of him or tease him, but instead the taller skeleton just gave his hand a gentle squeeze, muttering, “'m glad to hear that,” and… and this was fine. He might just be fine with this, with… them?

He turned his head to watch Papyrus hand starting to gently trace a crack up his ulna. Red couldn't remember where that scar was from, but he could hardly remember where any of his scars were from. He didn't really care a lot either. They were all the same.  
“d-does it bother you?” He asked carefully. Papyrus didn't seem to understand, and Red took a sharp breath. “t-the cracks, i mean. my b-body.”  
It bothered Red. The cracks bothered Red, every single scar bothered Red. He didn't like his body a lot in first place, but having it covered in reminders of his abuse sure didn't help with that.

“no,” Papyrus answered serious. “i mean, i don't like that you have that many scars-” Red flinched a bit. “no! i mean- shit… i don't like the fact that you had to get _through_ that, red. you shouldn't have to. but i don't, uh… i don't think that the scars make you ugly or anything.”

Red wasn't sure what to take from that. Of _course_ the scars made him ugly. Especially next to that Blueberry kid he looked like a trash bag that had already ripped at parts. But Papyrus wouldn't say that. To make Red feel better, of course, and even though it didn't exactly help, Red could appreciate it.

He noticed the taller skeleton letting go of his hand to instead scooch closer a bit. For a second Red wanted to flinch away, but he knew he didn't need to. So he didn't and instead waited for Papyrus' to say something. The taller monster took a deep breath.

“can i- ...d-do you mind if we'd, uh… kiss?” He asked rather awkwardly and his face was flushing orange. Red snorted, giggling a bit at how flustered Papyrus suddenly was, but he nodded.

“y-yea, alright,” he said, a bit too eager for himself. He wasn't sure if this was going to be alright. He wasn't sure whether or not he would freak out again, but it was worth a shot, right? Red trusted Papyrus that he would stop if he'd ask him to and… he _really_ liked it when they'd made out last time. If he hadn't just panicked suddenly.

With a short nod Papyrus closed the last bit of distance between them, slowly straddling the smaller skeleton on the couch, giving him enough time to retreat if he wanted to. Red didn't, although with Papyrus so close, towering above him, he felt a lot smaller than usually. He wasn't scared though, just a bit… overwhelmed.

Papyrus leaned down to lock their teeth in a gentle kiss. A lot more gentle than last they they had kissed, kind of too gentle for satisfaction. So a little hesitantly Red wrapped his arms around Papyrus neck, pulling him a bit closer.

Understanding the message, Papyrus summoned a tongue. Red did too, parting his teeth to let the other's tongue slither past them and taste his mouth.

_This_ was more like it. More like last time, but also not, because both of them were more in control this time.

Needily  Red groaned into the kiss, loving the feeling of Papyrus' tongue against his. Loving the feeling of Papyrus on top of him, the taller's arms on both sides of Red shoulders. He felt warm inside, fuzzy,  and this time it wasn't boss that came to his mind. It was just Papyrus.  _This_ Papyrus.

T he two of them parted, a small trail or drool still connecting them for a second. For a moment they just stared at each other, panting a little, before Papyrus let out a low hiss.

“ _ah, fuck red,_ ” he hissed through his teeth, voice sounding a little husky. “you're makin' it _really_ hard for me to control myself.”

Red didn't miss the suggestiveness behind this and swallowed a little. He  _wanted_ him.

“h-hah, is that so?” He asked, trying to smile mischievously, although he kind of doubted it would really be working. “then why d-don't you just… _let loose_?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ykno, this is the first fic where i'm actually ending the chapters right before it gets saucy and i love it  
> i love being an evil asshole, now i just need to, like, not update for ages
> 
> also with  
> “no, but… i mean, it's weird, right? you're like… fuck, you're like my bro stuck in his emo phase.”  
> i technically implied that Babyblue had an emo phase which is my favorite headcanon now


	16. trial and error

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright, fuck, hear me out  
> IM FUCKING LAUGHING OKAY  
> WHEN I SAID I JUST HAD TO NOT UPDATE FOR AGES NOW I DIDN'T ACTUALLY MEAN TO DO IT  
> IT'S BEEN TWO WEEKS, OH MY GOD  
> I ACTUALLY THOUGHT I WAS GONNA UPDATE WITHIN A DAY OR TWO MAYBE  
> AND GUESS WHAT  
> I HAD TO SPLIT THIS ONE IN HALF SO IT ENDS IN ANOTHER CLIFFHANGER LIKE THE PREVIOUS ONE
> 
> fuck fuckfuck im actually laughing so hard rn  
> im so fucking sorry alright, but i wanted to finish this chapter today? turns out it was gonna be around 4k words long  
> my usual chapters on this fic are 1500 words long, the longest was 2500 i think? so yea i had to split it..................... i feel so awful but also rly fucking great and evil  
> goodness
> 
> on the good note, the other chapter is already 1500 words long and only missing around 500 more maybe (probably less) and i am. gonna update. today or tomorrow  
> (they said and probably doesn't update in two weeks AGAIN)
> 
> goodness no, lets not hope that

Instead of answering Papyrus just froze for a few moments and Red… well, he panicked of course. Had he said something wrong? Did Papyrus not want him? What  _was_ this about if not?  
“are you sure about this?” Papyrus asked in a soft tone. Oh, he was worried.  Of course he was, a nd Red couldn't blame him.  Because  _was_ he sure about this? He didn't know.

“not really,” Red decided. “b-but i want to try.”  
He did. He really fucking did. He didn't think he was _ever_ going to be fully ready for… anything out of his comfort zone, but he wanted to try, really badly. And he trusted Papyrus.

“alright, but you tell me when you want to stop?” The taller asked and Red gave a short nod. “seriously red, if i do anything that makes you uncomfortable, tell me, okay? don't shy away.”  
Red swallowed, but nodded again. “o-okay,” he muttered under his breath. Papyrus sighed, seeming more relaxed again and pulled Red into a kiss. Gentler this time, shorter.

“you wanna move this to my room then?” He asked in a husky voice, and almost as soon as Red gave his shaky nod he could feel the taller of the two teleporting them into his room. It was weirder to get teleported by someone else than himself, he wasn't sure where he was going to land and what he should brace himself for. Red was lucky that Papyrus had teleported them straight on his bed, or well, mattress, because as soon as they landed there, the small skeleton fell back, landing on the squishy fabric.

“you alright?” Papyrus, who was now kneeling on top of him, asked, to which Red nodded once more.

“c'mon paps, i'm not made of glass,” he joked, although he was kind of grateful for the other's gentleness. But yea, while he could probably panic really easily, physically he could take kind of a lot. Years of physical abuse did that to you, after all. Years of mental abuse kind of just broke him even more in that matter.

He didn't get to dwell on that for too long, fortunately, as he watched Papyrus leaning down to bury his face in the crook of Red's neck. He hummed somewhat in agreement as he began licking a short trail over Red's throat, so Red could feel the vibrations through his body and shook in anticipation. This was so much different than anything Red had done with boss before. This was _nothing_ like his experiences with boss and it was in every way better.

He almost wanted to complain as Papyrus removed himself from Red's neck again, but he didn't exactly get the chance, as the taller skeleton already began prying him out of his jacket. Quickly Red helped him, carelessly throwing the jacket on the ground, soon followed by his sweater. Once Red was freed from his clothing, minus the shorts, he wanted to follow the manner and pull off Papyrus' hoodie, but due to his much shorter height was stuck watching the other strip before him. Not that he minded. There sure were worse situations.

So they were both shirtless now, and Red soon noticed Papyrus checking him up and down, eyes trailing him tentatively, slowing at a few parts Red couldn't tell where he was looking at. Either way, he grew uneasy. He wasn't used to... this kind of attention. Boss never looked at him like that. Hell, boss hardly ever bothered to get Red undressed! And why would he? His bones were covered in so many scars and cracks that not even Red knew every one of them, and hardly remembered where he'd gotten them all.

Long story short? He was ugly. He was ugly and disgusting. Broken, used and abused and Red was surprised that boss hadn't thrown him away long ago, let alone that Papyrus _still_ wanted him. Well, but he also hadn't seen Red without his clothes on yet, had he?  
“y-you can still back out,” Red offered. Papyrus had already told him he didn't mind the scars, but there were far more cracks and scars scattered around his war field of a rib cage and spine, let alone his pelvis, than there were probably on his arms. A whole new world of scars and cracks that Papyrus _hadn't_ seen yet, and Red wouldn't blame him if he felt disgusted by the way his body looked.

“hell no,” Papyrus breathed, moving his eyes up to meet Red's. “red, you're fine. fuck, you're really hot red, you shouldn't be so worried about this.

Red nodded, despite not actually believing him. He didn't believe that he still looked attractive in any way. Long ago maybe, when he wasn't as scarred. Maybe. But now? Not really. Those weren't just one or two scars you could see past. They were covering his _entire body._ Papyrus wouldn't be able to see past that. _No one_ would.

But he knew that the other just wanted to make him feel better about himself. And Red appreciated that. He offered Papyrus a small smile, which the taller replied with a gentle kiss.

The kiss got broken off early by Papyrus, and he moved away slowly, looking at Red somewhat conflicted. He moved a hand towards Red's cheek, gently trailing it down his mandible, then vertebrae, until it stopped at the edge of the leathery collar around Red's neck. Oh.

“you wanna, uh… take it off?”  
No. No, no he really didn't. The collar was uncomfortable and it felt wrong to have sex with anyone but boss with this collar around his neck, but no. He didn't want to take it off, he _couldn't._ Right now this piece of leather was the only thing connecting him to boss. The only thing proving that he still belonged to boss, no matter the fact that he was in a god damn different universe right now and no matter the fact that he was disobeying orders he'd never been given but had always been clear. That he was having sex with _anyone_ without the permission from boss. But no matter that and no matter what, he was still his and the collar proved it. And if he took it off, _what_ was he anymore? What was his purpose anymore?

“hey, it's fine,” Papyrus spoke softly, apparently sensing Red's turmoil. “you don't have to take it off. it's fine. wanna keep it on?”

Red nodded. “sorry,” he breathed, but Papyrus shook his head.

“don't be. it's fine.”  
“one day…,” Red muttered. “maybe. one day i might take it off.”

Papyrus nodded, smiling gently as he leaned down to continue their kiss from earlier. This time cut short by a startled gasp, as soon as Red felt a pressing against his crotch and a hand gently stroking along his spine. The gasp quickly turned into a moan.

“d-don't laugh!” Red muttered at the light laughs from Papyrus.

“hey, 'm sorry,” he muttered lowly, sounding not at all apologetic. “i just didn't expect you to be so sensitive here.” As if to emphasize his point, he ran his fingers along Red's spine again, the smaller skeleton arching it a bit in surprise.

He didn't want to be entirely useless in this process, but also Red had no experience with this. He had been used as fucktoy before. He's been fucked countless of times. But he's never had sex before with someone who cared. About _him._ He'd never done this whole feely stuff before, the foreplay stuff. It hadn't been a thing in his universe. Sex had been quick and rough, just like anything back there.

As if sensing Red's uncertainty, Papyrus moved a hand away from Red's spine, gently grasping the smaller skeleton's hand instead. He didn't say anything, ask anything like Red had first though he would. So instead he decided to talk for himself.

“i… don't know how to do this,” he said, surprised at how quiet and desperate his own voice sounded. “this's all new to me.”  
Papyrus seemed a little concerned at that statement, but didn't say anything. Instead he just took Red's other hand in his too, and moved them both to his ribcage.

“i'm sensitive here,” he explained, removing his hands from Red's again to leave him on his own devices again. When Red stayed unmoving, still not sure what to do, Papyrus laughed lowly, raising a bonebrow at him.

“come on, just try. you won't hurt me. or well,” he added, “i'll tell ya if it hurts. i trust you.”

“trial and error,” Red muttered to himself. The taller nodded.

“trial and error.”

Sucking in a deep breath, as if to prepare for something bad, Red gently moved a few fingers along the other's sternum, looking up to see Papyrus smiling at him encouraging. Forcing himself to feel a little more confident, Red twined a few fingers around one of his ribs, gently stroking along it, letting the slightly sharper tips of his phalanges scratch ever so lightly on the bone. _Now_ he could hear Papyrus' breath hitch and Red was surprised at how proud he actually felt about this. Actually finding more confidence now, he rubbed the thumb of his other hand on Papyrus' sternum again, not missing the moan that got him.

“ssssss _stars,_ red, you sure this' new to you?” Papyrus groaned, a grin on his face.

Red shot him a cocky smile. “guess i'm a natural, huh?” He said, joking.

To his surprise Papyrus hummed in agreement, before leaning down in a hungry, open mouthed kiss. He moved his hands back down Red's spine, welcoming it when the smaller skeleton groaned into his mouth.

Red moved one of his hands down to Papyrus spine, too, stroking it gently. He didn't get the kind of reaction he would've liked, but Papyrus didn't complain either, so maybe he simply wasn't as sensitive there. He moved his hand back to the other's ribcage, to which Papyrus seemed to lean a bit more into his touch, moaning. Satisfied with _that_ reaction, Red wrung his fingers around one of the lower ribs.

He could feel Papyrus breaking off the kiss and opened his eyes he hadn't noticed he'd closed, to find Papyrus staring back at him. Both of them were panting a little already, while they just looked at each other for a few seconds. Maybe minutes. Neither of them said a word, but Red wasn't uncomfortable, to his own surprise. This was all new and unusual to him, but he felt strangely safe. He'd been abused, sexually and not sexually, count less of times, but he felt safe.  For days he didn't trust Papyrus, had been terrified of him, and just a  day ago he had driven him into a panic attack. But Red could tell he was sorry, Red could tell Papyrus felt bad for something boss literally did all the time anyways. He trusted Papyrus. He felt safe.

They only broke the eye contact because Papyrus was moving his face up to kiss Red's forehead  a few times.  One of his  hands trailed down  Red's side, slowly, tracing every single one of his vertebrae, the other he used to keep his balance. P apyrus moved his head to kiss the smaller skeleton's temples gently, his hand reaching the waistband of Red's shorts. Red groaned hungrily, moving one arm over Papyrus' back to hold onto it.  He could feel the taller smiling to himself as he kept moving his kisses downward, passing Red's cheek until he reached his jawline. He tugged lightly at the shorts.

“can i?” He asked, voice low and husky.

“fuck yes,” Red replied immediately. “ _please._ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im so fucking sorry but also i am not at all really


	17. let's just... take it slow for now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FI N A LL Y  
> AUGH so long  
> this was so hard to finish, not necesserally bc it was hard to write, but bc everythings going to shit rn in my life and im lowkey trying to care? but it ends up more im be just falling straight back into depression and i end up caring even less so wow welp  
> anyhoo, its almost 4 am and i got school tomorrow fuck
> 
> uhm i hope this chapter is actually good, im not actually that good at writing smut yet uvu  
> i spent 2 hours on bad-dragon.com, reading through dildo descriptions to figure out how to describe that dick and guess what  
> it?? helped???  
> ALSO I FOUND GLOW IN THE DARK DILDOS AND REALLY WANT

Without complaining Papyrus complied, tugging the shorts off quickly, throwing them to the floor like the rest of their clothes. Red followed suit, leaning up a bit to pull off Papyrus' shorts, with some help, and throw them away. Their underwear left just as quickly and so they kind of, like, were naked now.

The magical appendages some monsters, including skeleton monsters, could summon were an extension of their soul and magic. They had partial control over it, could mostly choose when to summon it and where, but some of the details were out of their hands. Their soul, their entire being mostly was what ended up choosing what their appendages would look like.

Red's dick was smaller than Papyrus', and pudgier too. It was a bit ridged and textured with small nubs. He'd gotten it pierced at one point, but he couldn't remember when or why. Probably when things hadn't gone to shit yet, when his brother and his universe were still somewhat not fucking awful.

On the other hand, Papyrus' one was a lot bigger, bigger even than boss', but it was thinner and smoother. Red didn't like how his first initial instinct was to compare Papyrus' cock with the one of boss, but it's what he did, and they were very different actually. Boss' had been a lot more ridged and textured than Red's even, which was fitting because sometimes it ended up hurting like hell. And to take even the last bit of intimidate, instead of dark red, a tad darker than Red's red, Papyrus' was a warm orange. Fitting to the hoodie he wasn't wearing anymore.

As soon as he realized he was staring Red grew kind of embarrassed and moved his eyes up to look at Papyrus' face, finding that he'd been staring as well, a lopsided smile on his face. He didn't get to ask what the other was smiling about, as Papyrus already moved one hand to trail along the side of Red's cock, making the smaller skeleton groan in surprise.

"ah-hhah, fuck pap," he moaned, feeling the large hand slowly jerking him off. Papyrus' other hand found Red's, holding onto it on the mattress, trying to balance his weight on it. He leaned down, clinking their teeth together in a gentle kiss, before parting again, their faces staying close enough that Red could feel Papyrus' hot breath on it.

"god, you look so fucking beautiful like this," the taller moaned, voice low, as he moved agonizingly slow his hand at Red's cock.

If he wasn't already writhing under the touch, he was now at the comment, face flushing even redder than it probably already was. He didn't realize he'd closed his eyes, until Red could feel a second presence at his dick, and he peeled his eyes open to look down at Papyrus' cock pressing against his. Warm and slick to the touch, and Papyrus' hand was large enough to envelope both of their cocks, continuing his ministrations like this now. But with the pressure added from the other cock against his, Red found himself breathing heavily, scrambling his arms free to hold with one onto Papyrus' back and with the other onto his neck, pressing their bodies close. Red buried his face in the crook of the other's neck, breathing in the smell. Smoke and honey mostly, a hint of weed, and a smell Red couldn't quite identify, but figured was just _Papyrus._

The hand moved itself up and down in an agonizingly slow pace, squeezing gently every now and then, but never _enough._ Red let out a hot, hissed breath.

"fffff-fuck, come _on_ , p-papyrus," he breathed, face still buried in the other's neck. "s-speed up a bit."

The other chuckled, low and deep and being so close, Red could feel it through his entire body.

"nah," he replied, ever so calmly. If it wouldn't be for the slightly heavier breathing, you couldn't even tell he was actually currently fucking someone, just from his voice.

"c-come o- _h_ _hah!_ " Red almost whined, but Papyrus shushed him with a light squeeze at the tip of his cock.

"let's just... take it slow for now," he muttered, gently kissing whichever part of Red's skull he could reach right now.

Figuring that words weren't going to work with him in this case right now, Red decided to take on action, bucking his hips into the touch of the other. For a moment Papyrus froze his movements, and Red wondered if he was going to tell him to stop. Or worse. Oh god, he had just boldly disobeyed what Papyrus had told him, hadn't he? What the hell had he _thought?_

Just as he was about to stutter out an apology, he could hear, or rather feel Papyrus laughing lightly again. He continued his movements, jerking both of them off without even fastening the tiniest bit. But he hadn't _complained_ either, Red realized.

And this wasn't boss, he'd told himself again. This wasn't boss and he wasn't going to _boss_ him around, right?

Experimentally Red gave another jerk of his hips, not missing the small surprised groan from the monster on top of him. Red smirked to himself, continuing his own movements and destroying the controlled, slow rhythm of Papyrus'. His own were way less controlled, way more erratic and faster, but _god_ the friction felt just right. He waited for Papyrus to tell him to stop, to complain, but he didn't. Instead his own movements got shakier, just like his breathing, and when eventually Papyrus finally _did_ speed up a bit, squeezing both of their cocks together, Red thought, _was he this close already?_

Red parted his teeth a little, letting his tongue roll out to taste the bone where the vertebrae of his neck met his clavicle. He couldn't exactly say that bone tasted good, but fuck, if he didn't love that taste right now, just because it was _Papyrus. This_ Papyrus.

And the gesture seemed to trigger something in Papyrus, because just like that he came with a strangled groan, confirming Red's suspicions as right. He had been pretty close, yea.

It took a moment for Papyrus to come down from his high again, while Red detached himself gently from him, watching the skeleton still on top of him pant heavily. Almost as soon as Papyrus' cock dematerialized he let himself flop down on the mattress next to Red. He was still breathing heavily and exhausted, but he looked content. Relaxed. More so than usually even, which was impressive, because with all the weed and nicotine in his system Papyrus seemed actually really fucking relaxed all the time.

Red felt the other's hand reaching out for his and didn't complain when he entangled them gently, kind of expecting Papyrus to maybe pull him a little closer. But instead the other skeleton just held it for a short moment, then slowly sat up on the bed again, pulling Red with him.

"w-wha-t're you doing!?" He gasped surprised. He hadn't expected Papyrus to want to go another round so soon. Boss maybe, yea, but not this Papyrus.

"y'didn't get off yet, didn't ya?" Papyrus asked him, gently pulling Red at the edge of the bed.

"what?" Red blinked at him confused. "uh, don't worry 'bout it, 's cool." Did it matter, really? He'd gotten Papyrus off, and fuck! He actually enjoyed himself doing so. So really, was it that important?

Papyrus shook his head at Red's words as he got off the bed, kneeling at the foot of it.

"i can't let you _hang_ like that," he said, smirking as he gently got a hold of Red's fibulas, spreading them slowly.

Surprised Red's breath hitched a bit as he began stuttering, "y-you really d-don't gotta-a do this!"

This was new, no, _unnatural, wrong_ to him. He'd given blowjobs before, yea. But he's never had anyone go down on _him_.

He must've looked as terrified as he felt, because Papyrus now gently stroked the side of his legs, looking up at him with a worried gaze.

"red. hey red, it's alright," he said. "i didn't want to scare you, we don't gotta to this. you alright?"

Red took a deep breath, then gave a shaky nod, not really trusting his voice right now.

"you want me to stop?" Papyrus asked and Red contemplated over this. Did he?

"y-you don't have to do this for me...," he muttered, instead of answering his question.

"i _want_ to," Papyrus insisted. "i want to make you feel good. do you?"

Yes. He did. He didn't feel like he needed to get off, and he didn't feel like it was right for Papyrus, or anyone for that matter, to help him do so. But yes. He _did_ want to feel good.

"y-yea," he replied eventually, trying to get his shit together again. "yea, fuck, alright. let's do this."

Papyrus laughed at the new found confidence but nodded joyfully. "'m not gonna hurt you," he assured him, as he moved his face towards Red's pubic arch, licking it carefully.

Red had dematerialized his dick as soon as Papyrus had, not exactly needing it anymore, but with the sensation in that area again, his magic decided to take overhand, almost immediately forming it again, still hard and erect. And fuck. Apparently _now_ Papyrus didn't feel the need to go slow anymore.

As soon as the cock jumped into existence again, the taller skeleton licked a long line up the side, stopping only at the tip to prod at it a little. Red groaned at the feeling.

Unsure of what to do with his hands, he placed one on the mattress to support his weight and the other on top of Papyrus' skull, as boss had done it with him before. Except less firm. Without the intend to take control and claim dominance. Red didn't need dominance, didn't want it even.

He glanced down at Papyrus, who's mouth was slightly parted, waiting by the tip of Red's dick. He looked at him as if waiting for permission, and heck. Knowing Papyrus, he most likely was, so the small skeleton gave a quick nod.

Almost immediately Papyrus took him in entirely. Not that that would've been hard, really. In fact, Red's shaft was small enough that it wouldn't even reach the back of Papyrus' summoned throat. Neither of them cared too much about that anyway.

After giving Red, who had already started panting slightly, a short time to adjust to the new experience, Papyrus began bobbing his head. Slowly at first, but already enough to turn Red into a writing, moaning mess, hardly able to keep his voice down. Which was weird for Red. Keeping his voice low was usually one of the few things he actually _could_ do. Crying, screaming, begging for mercy had almost always been followed by a punishment of some sort. Even though he was pretty sure boss loved it when Red was voicing out his fear, pain and discomfort. But maybe that was exactly why he punished him for it. To make him suffer even more.

But _this_ was entirely different. Red wasn't squirming or moaning in pain but in pleasure. Because fuck, he loved this, the warm wet feeling of Papyrus' throat around his cock. And it was _so_ wrong. If boss would know about this Red would be dust. But boss _didn't_ know about this. And he never would. And suddenly Red _couldn't_ just disobey any orders boss had ever given him, he _actually_ was _doing so._

A silly feeling overcame him that vaguely reminded him of his teenage phase, and made him feel giddy. Rebellion. He felt rebellious, like he could do anything he'd want to right now, without any consequences. He felt free.

He'd come close faster than Red would've probably liked to admit and weakly tried to push Papyrus off of him.

“sh-shit pap, 'm gonna c-come,” he panted as he was faced with a resistance of the other. Papyrus still didn't budge, and instead smiled to himself, fastening a bit as he continued to suck Red off.

Red came a lot harder than he'd ever did before, because maybe he'd never actually came before, seeing stars behind his eye lids as he probably moaned really loud, or maybe screamed even. He couldn't tell, because right now that wasn't in the least important right now, unlike the feeling of pure ecstasy overcoming him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aftercare in the next chapter  
> was it called aftercare? the word sounds wrong rn and my brain is goo bc 4 am


	18. A respectful close. Because Papyrus actually respected Red.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ayyy look at meeee, forgetting that this fic actually exists!!!  
> anyway, i wrote the whole chapter in one day, so the accidental break i took actually helped me get some more writing-power back!  
> hope you enjoy it

At some point Papyrus had moved Red to lie properly on the bed, then quickly joined close next to him. Red had expected him to be the cuddly type, and he hadn't been off. Even if Papyrus had surprised him earlier by sucking him off instead of cuddling. But now he seemed satisfied with his work and contently put an arm around Red.

Now, Red had to admit he'd crossed a lot of barriers he never thought he'd ever cross within the last hour, and he was equally really damn impressed as well as surprised with himself that he had actually done anything that literally just happened. And he didn't regret it, god no. But _this,_ this tender fondness, the gentle arm around him, the content silence. It didn't feel as content as it probably did to Papyrus. He wasn't sure why _this_ was any worse than literally having sex, but somehow it just was. This didn't have an obvious purpose. Neither of them got off from, well, just cuddling. This was just to be close. And _just being close_ was still not something Red was used to. Not to this extent.

He wanted to complain, he really did, and he knew that Papyrus wouldn't mind if he did. But he found that his words were stuck in his throat. It would be kind of unfair, wouldn't it? If he would deny Papyrus such a 'little' thing as this. It would feel like Red just used him for sex. He didn't. That's not what he wanted. That's not what this was. So surely Red could sacrifice a bit of his comfort to let Papyrus do his thing.

Besides, he's had to do worse. Cuddling sure wasn't the worst thing he's had to do after sex. In fact he found that he maybe even liked it, sort of. Papyrus chin was resting on the crown of Red's skull and Red could feel the taller's ribs against his back. He felt warm. He felt tense and anxious and a bit he just wanted to jump up and flee. But he _also_ felt warm. Warm and safe. Maybe he didn't _feel_ safe per-say, but he knew he was safe. And that was special in it's own way.

Papyrus didn't seem to notice Red's inner turmoil _at all_ and simply hummed contently against him.

“you were great, red,” he mumbled somewhat sleepily. Red felt fuzzy at the words, wanted to return the compliment, but was still feeling too tense to form any proper words. He just ended up making a hopefully thankful sounding noise. That seemed to be enough for Papyrus.

“red.” Or maybe not. He could feel Papyrus' hand searching for his and quietly tangled them together. “you alright?”  
“yea,” Red lied. It wasn't a big lie, honestly. He was fine.

“you're really tense,” Papyrus interjected, voice low and close and soft. Red forced himself to relax. “sorry, am… am i too close?”  
“k-kinda,” the smaller muttered embarrassed. Almost immediately he felt Papyrus shifting a bit, away from Red and it felt like a weight has been lifted. He turned around to face Papyrus. “sorry…,” he mumbled into the mattress.

“hey, don't worry about it,” Papyrus told him, not sounding upset or even disappointed. “it's alright. one step at a time.”  
_One step at a time,_ Red repeated to himself. Right. He had time. He didn't have to manage everything right now, didn't have to figure everything out right now.

“you should've told me, though,” Papyrus said, and as Red opened his mouth to say something, he stopped him. “don't apologize. it's ok, you're shy.”  
_Shy_ was one way to put it. But Red knew that Papyrus was aware that this was a lot bigger than just shy. Shy just was a cute word to describe it. A prettier word than broken. Terrified.

Red was a lot more comfortable like this. This was actually fine. They still had their hands entwined, so the connection was still there. They were still close, still together, just not too close. A respectful close. Because Papyrus actually respected Red. Respected how he felt and respected what he was comfortable with and what not.

And then there was a loud bang that sounded an awful lot like the front door closing. Which was when Red froze. And the moment he heard Babyblue's chipper, high voice call “PAPY! RED! I'M HOME!!!” marked about the moment Red jumped off the mattress like a startled chihuahua.

“woa,” Papyrus said, following suit and sitting up on the bed. “relax, 's just my brother.”  
“ _i'm naked,_ ” Red just hissed as a reply, already busy digging through the mess of a room for his clothes. Being nude around Papyrus was one thing. He's grown to trust Papyrus. Sure, he didn't think _Blue_ was going to hurt him ever, he seemed far too innocent for that, but they just _weren't_ that close yet. A lot of what Blue did and said reminded him of boss. The things were never, _never_ meant harmful in any way, but they just sounded like boss. And that made Red feel like he couldn't trust him. Not _yet._ Not as much as to expose himself completely.

Also, he was naked. No one really wanted people to see them naked, unless they were doing something sexual or were dating or so maybe. But he surely didn't want to do anything sexual with the Blueberry, so having _him_ see Red naked was a no-go.

It didn't take long for Red to find his shorts, quickly pulling them on. But it _also_ didn't take long for Blue to walk up the steps and Red could hear footsteps coming closer.

“ _where's my_ _sweater!?_ ” Red hissed to Papyrus desperately. The tall skeleton had already put on some clothes, the usual. Whether they were fresh ones or just any he's found lying on the ground, Red wasn't sure, but he assumed it was the latter. Papyrus was leaning against the door, probably for Red, so if Blue tried to open it Papyrus was still blocking it off.

“'dunno,” he said, sounding as relaxed as ever. He bent down and picked up the closest orange hoodie he could grab and messily tossed it to Red. “just put that on.”  
Red was honestly too much in a fit of panic to complain and quickly pulled the far too large hoodie on. It clearly hadn't been cleaned in a while and smelled strongly of sweat, smoke, weed, a bit of honey. But mostly it smelled like Papyrus. Red found he didn't mind the smell, actually.

The moment Red was covered, Papyrus stepped away from the door, just in time for Blue to swing it open.

“PAPY!!!” He called immediately, jumping on Papyrus into a bear-hug. “DID YOU MISS ME?”  
“'course i did,” Papyrus said, and Red knew that it wasn't a lie. While he had probably enjoyed the few days off from his brothers nagging, Papyrus still seemed to have missed Blueberry a lot.

“I KNEW YOU WOULD! WHO WOULDN'T MISS THE MAGNIFICENT SANS?” Blue continued enthusiastically and Papyrus put him back down from the hug. “WHERE'S RED?”  
“oh,” Red muttered, realizing he'd been hiding behind Papyrus. Not exactly on purpose, it just happened. He quickly stepped out from his hiding place, instead standing next to Papyrus. “hey blue. missed you, too.”  
It was only half a lie. While he wasn't as close to Blue yet to actually miss him, the house had been a lot less lively without him. Which just made it feel kind of empty and abandoned. A lot like back home.

“DID PAPYRUS TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOU?” He asked, but didn't wait for an answer. “GOODNESS, I SAW BAGS FROM MUFFET'S DOWNSTAIRS EARLIER. REALLY??? I EVEN LEFT TACOS FOR YOU IN THE FRIDGE, YOU COULD'VE JUST HEATED THEM UP!”  
“heh, sorry bro,” Papyrus muttered, actually sounding kind of guilty as he scratched the back of his neck. “guess we kinda just forgot about that.”  
“WELL, YOU COULD HAVE AT LEAST CLEANED UP AFTER WARDS! YOU'RE SO MESSY, PAPYRUS!” Blue chided, swinging a finger at his brother. Red tensed up at the words, almost balling his hands into fists. Even though they weren't directed at him. Even though Red knew they were meant well and that Blue genuinely just wanted Papyrus to be a bit less messy. It sounded just like something boss would say.

Thank god Blue sometimes had a really short attention span.

“WHY ARE YOU EVEN WEARING PAPY'S CLOTHES?” He asked suddenly, and maybe Red would've actually preferred the chiding now. Because his face heated up and how could he _possibly_ explain that to _Blue_? What was he even _supposed_ to say?  
Helplessly Red looked up to Papyrus, who had his head turned away and seemed to be silently trying to not laugh. Asshole, Red thought as he turned his head back to blue. But god bless him, because he never actually had to come up with a thing to say.

“OH I GET IT! YOU FINALLY WANTED TO GET THEM CLEAN. THEY _DID_ START TO GET SOMEWHAT SMELLY,” Blue said, and Red audibly sighed.

“uh, yea. that's it,” he said, ignoring Papyrus' snicker.

“YOU CAN PUT THE CLOTHES IN THE LAUNDRY BASKET, I WAS PLANNING TO DO THE LAUNDRY LATER ANYWAY!” The other Sans continued. “OH AND MAYBE YOU SHOULD PUT YOUR SHORTS IN THERE TOO! YOU HAVEN'T CHANGED YOUR CLOTHES SINCE YOU CAME HERE!” In fact, he often even slept in them. “OH, I'M GONNA HEAD DOWNSTAIRS TO CLEAN UP YOUR MESS NOW! CAPTAIN ALPHYS WANTS TO COME OVER SOON TO WATCH SOME EDUCATIONAL HUMAN VIDEOS WITH ME.”

And with that the blue ball dashes off down the stairs, and Red felt mildly guilty for actually leaving the house in a mess. Not too guilty to help, though.

He followed Papyrus back into his room, closing the door gently, before he knelt to the ground still searching for his sweater and jacket. Actually, now that he wasn't all panicky and hectic, he found them pretty quick, covered by one of Papyrus' shorts. He quickly gathered all the contents of his jacket's pockets and put them in the pocket of the hoodie he was wearing instead, the gathered the clothes up in a messy ball to put in the laundry basket later.

As Red turned back to Papyrus, he was quickly handed a pair of shorts.

“uh.”  
“sans wanted to you to put your shorts in the laundry too, right?” Papyrus said and yea. Red did remember that.  
“r-right,” he muttered, slowly taking off his own shorts. He knew very well that Papyrus had seen him butt naked just minuted ago, yet _this_ was somehow still embarrassing. Not as embarrassing as actually _wearing Papyrus shorts_ , though.

He noticed a somewhat playful grin on Papyrus face and, god damn it, that fucker actually got his kicks out of that, didn't he? Well, two can play that game.  
“like what you see?” Red said, trying to sound as confident as he would as he winked towards Papyrus, obviously surprising him with that. Seeing Papyrus' face flush orange in surprise and also embarrassment was completely worth literally all of this, Red thought, as he smiled to himself, carrying the messy ball of clothes towards the bathroom and dropping them off in the laundry basket.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is half fluff, half i-need-to-make-red-still-an-anxious-mess-somehow
> 
> anyway, anyone noticed that papyrus only calls red 'red' and blue just 'sans'?  
> i wonder if that'll have any effect at some point, huh


	19. it's definitely not pg

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for not having updated so long!  
> im a bit anxious that im suddenly not really, yknow, keeping the characters in character, since i haven't written them in, like, weeks, months even maybe  
> but whatever, tbh  
> this chapter was fun
> 
> i hope you enjoy it

It was weird walking around in Papyrus' clothes, Red quickly noticed. They were too big on him and he has to ask Papyrus for a belt so the shorts wouldn't fall off him. And on top of that it somehow felt really… intimate. Maybe a bit more than Red was comfortable with. It was silly, probably. He _needed_ to borrow clothes, after all, his own seriously needed a wash. It didn't help though, that the clothes Papyrus' had lent him probably needed to be washed too, and that therefor the strong smell of the other was constantly enveloping him. It was almost intoxicating.

Blue, of course, suggested Red to borrow _his_ clothes once the alternate version of him noticed how big Papyrus' clothes on him were. But somehow, despite how weird it all was, Red declined. In a way he _did_ actually really like wearing Papyrus' clothes.

Also no way in hell was he going to wear anything from Blue's bright blue fashion style.

For some reason, since Red feared Blueberry catching him without clothes, he had expected him to question what was going on between Red and his brother. Blue didn't, though. Didn't even mention it or even suspected a thing. And Papyrus didn't bring it up either.

He wasn't sure whether Papyrus was trying to _hide_ this from his brother or if it just didn't occur to him to mention it, but either way, Red was glad. He wasn't ready yet for this to be a thing. For _them_ to be a thing. And he was scared what Blue might think if he knew Red and his brother had been doing… things.

It wasn't even like they were dating, _right?!_ They just fucked. Once. That's it. It didn't mean anything. It didn't mean that Papyrus actually had any kind of romantic feelings for Red, and more importantly, it didn't mean that _Red_ had any. Not that Red actually believed that mattered, because god, when had it ever? But he started to slowly get the way Papyrus was thinking, the way this universe worked, and here maybe it _did_ matter. What Red thought. What Red felt.

What _did_ he feel? Did he have feelings for Papyrus? He knew there was _something._ There was fear, still. He was still scared. Of Papyrus, of Blue, anyone really. And Red wasn't exactly sure if that'd _ever_ change, but that didn't mean he didn't trust them. He _knew_ he was safe around them, and that was as comfortable as he could get. But safety wasn't… you don't just date people just because you feel safe around them. There's more, right?

It didn't matter, right now. Or at all, maybe. He would leave anyway. He _still_ had to. And the work on the machine seemed to be going well, so far, honestly. Red still didn't know how much and what he had to do exactly to fix it, but things where slowly starting to make sense. Slowly matching up with the strange, messy blueprints he still couldn't quite read. That was progress, right? Probably. Maybe not.

He was missing a piece, that was for sure.

Papyrus announced himself with a soft knock against the wall, still scaring Red a little, but he was more than glad the taller skeleton hadn't just started talking out of nowhere again.  
“hey,” he muttered, not turning his head to face Papyrus, as he was still trying to figure out what he was missing. Definitely a gear and a few more wires, but if he needed to get more stuff, he'd rather want to find out now so he could try to find everything in one go.  
“you look focused,” Papyrus commented. Red replied with a distracted 'uh-huh,” not really listening at all. “so, sans' got guests. good friends of him- us. you wanna, maybe, check by? watch some anime with us?”  
Red still wasn't focusing enough to hear exactly everything Papyrus had said, but he registered the question and tried to get himself out of the zone. Anime. Anime, anime, he'd heard that before. What was that again? Some kind of… silly human cartoon, right?  
“uh, why?” He asked surprised, although he knew the answer was probably going to be something really simple like that he should take a break and relax, or bonding or whatever.  
“it could be fun,” the taller suggested, just as Red had expected. “don't remember the what the anime's called, but it's definitely not pg.”  
Hesitantly Red closed the machine again, before pushing himself off from the floor. Sure. A break could be nice. He could take a break. Out of experience he knew that if he was looking for something that was _right there_ , it would be easier to find it after a break anyways.

Papyrus seemed surprised at how willing Red was to join them, but definitely positively so. He opened the door of the workshop, letting Red through first so he could follow after him.

The door that lead into the house also immediately lead to the living room, or at least the entrance room in which the brother's TV and couch was placed, so Red was already expecting for the anime to be running when he opened the door. What he _wasn't_ expecting however was howling laughter and two unfamiliar voices, accompanied by the one of Blue. And the way Blue sounded entirely calm and carefree, and the way Papyrus didn't seem worried at all either easily told Red that those were _guests._ _Friends._

Tell that his crippling anxiety, though.

Papyrus didn't notice the way Red froze up, standing still in the door frame, until he lightly bumped into him. He was a little surprised, but not all too much, and simply laid a gentle hand on Red's shoulder.

“hey, s'alright. 's just friends of ours,” he tried to calm Red down. “you can still back out, if ya wanna.”

Red considered it. A lot. He could just teleport back into the workshop, or to Papyrus room. They wouldn't even know he was there, and Red knew Papyrus wouldn't let them look for him. But he also knew Papyrus wouldn't let them _hurt_ him.

And he wanted to do this. For some reason, Red felt like he had to. Like it was… a challenge of some sort. He's been doing more and more things out of his comfort zone, and he felt proud. Because it meant that he was getting stronger, more confident. Less of the little scared shitstain boss despised so much.

They were _friends._ Not his, but the brother's friends. They wouldn't hurt him, hardly would even be mean to him. All they were there for was watch anime. He could watch anime with them. It wasn't that much of a big deal. It shouldn't _be_ that much of a big deal.

“n-no, it's ok,” Red muttered eventually. “i'm still in for the anime.”  
“sweet,” Papyrus replied with a small sigh. He gave Red a small push inside, which left the skeleton stumbling a bit. It was a gentle push, but Red was still shaking of anxiety and just wished Papyrus wouldn't have done that. Whatever. No big deal. He hadn't meant any harm.

As soon as the door clicked shut, Blue spun around, spotting his brother and his double.

“OH NICE!!! YOU DECIDED TO JOIN US, RED!” He cheered excitedly, as the other two guests turned towards the newcomers, too. Red watched them carefully, watched how one moved their large claws towards the remote, pressing a button. The anime paused. It was quiet and at least three heads were staring at Red, most likely Papyrus too, but the larger skeleton was standing behind him, out of his eyesight.

“h-hey,” he said, doing his best to not flinch over the way his voice shook, the way his voice hardly came out as more than a whisper.

“Ohhh SWEET! Sans told me he had a new roomie, but never told me you're the SPITTING IMAGE of him!!!” One of the monsters, a yellow dinosaur, bellowed excitedly. Blue seemed almost more alarmed than Red was.

“HE DOESN'T LOOK _COMPLETELY_ LIKE ME!” Blueberry complained. “I HAVE A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT DRESSING STYLE!”  
“You would look SO RAD in his clothes, though!” The dinosaur continued. That discussion didn't end there just yet, but Red's focus got drawn towards the next monster instead. She was taller, she had fins, she had really flashy red hair, and she was slowly getting up from the couch to walk towards Red.

Now _that's_ a monster Red recognized! Almost as easily as he had recognized this universe version of boss and himself, he could _easily_ tell that this was a version of Undyne. _The_ Undyne that had tried to kill him and boss several times. _The_ Undyne his boss had to eventually eliminate, in order to get his spot as the Head of the Royal Guard. Undyne was supposed to be _dead_! She was dangerous! A threat! She was walking _right towards him!_

Red should've probably been embarrassed by the way he immediately grabbed onto Papyrus' arm, as he threw the most venomous glare towards Undyne. She seemed to startle enough to stop in her tracks, then looked past Red with a face of confusion and worry. Oh, she must be looking at Papyrus.

The taller monsters arm easily escaped out of Red's grasp, and swung around his shoulder instead, pulling Red a little closer. How this gesture could simultaneously be comforting, yet also completely out of his comfort zone, was beyond him. But he looked up at Papyrus, who didn't seem worried about Undyne's presence at all, and Red knew he was safe.

“I-I'm sorry if I startled you,” Undyne began, and to Red's surprise, she _stuttered._ This must be, so far, the _most drastic_ change between their universes.

Aside from the, you know. Killing and death everywhere.

“no, it's, uh, alright,” Red replied, suddenly feeling sort of silly for having immediately judged her. “name's red.”  
“U-Undyne,” the shy fish monster introduced herself, confirming Red's suspicions.  
“YO, I'm Alphys!!!” The dinosaur barked in, glancing and waving wildly past Blue, who must've tackled her at some point. How the hell had Red missed the way the two suddenly had started wrestling on the couch. Oh well.

“hey i've heard of alphys,” Red muttered to himself, or maybe Papyrus. He was lightly tugging at his hoodie to grab his attention. “isn't she, uh, the royal scientist or something?”  
“heh, _what?_ ” Papyrus replied, sounding like he was about to laugh. “no way kid, you tellin' me alphys is a scientist where you're from?”  
“i-i mean, i guess?” Red muttered surprised. “i never- i don't think i, uh, ever met her...”  
“ah well, undyne's here the royal scientist,” the taller skeleton said eventually, gesturing back to the fish monster. She straightened up a little startled at the focus suddenly back to her.  
“H-Haha, yep, I'm the ro-royal scientist,” she confirmed with a shy smile.

Well, _that_ just seemed wrong. The wild, fearless, ruthless Undyne working in a lab? As a _scientist?_ The _royal scientist_ none the less?  
“so that means alphys is...”  
“SHE'S THE HEAD OF THE ROYAL GUARD!!!” Blue butted in with a big smile. “SHE TRAINS ME, SO ONE DAY I'LL BE A ROYAL GUARD MEMBER, TOO!”  
“o- _oh,_ ” Red replied surprised.

He was still clinging to Papyrus, so when Undyne sat back on the couch, and Alphys and Blueberry had stopped wrestling, Papyrus gently lead him towards the couch, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wonder what anime they'll be watching


	20. but one thing he knew, always knew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a bit shorter than my usual chapters, but i think that was a neat point to split it
> 
> i considered choosing boku no pico as anime, but for that i would've had to watch it first (which i considered, despite knowing vaguely what its about) but turned out to be too lazy and just decided to keep it vague
> 
> kinda had seikon no qwaser in my mind tho, personally

With already four people already confiscating the couch, there was only little room left for Red. So naturally he opted to sit on the floor instead. He hadn't even considered that to be weird at all, until he heard Papyrus voice out his concerns.  
“you sure wanna sit there?” He asked. “i'm sure we could make you some room.”  
“I CAN SIT ON THE BACKREST,” Blueberry suggested happily, but that really wasn't necessary, now was it?

It almost took Red a moment to even realize what he had done wrong to make everyone suddenly stare at him like that. It wasn't special for him to sit on the floor. When boss had guests over, or was upset with Red, he wouldn't allow him to sit anywhere else but on the floor. Sometimes he even had to sleep on the floor. But he didn't mind, really. Sleeping on the floor, after all, was still better than sleeping in the snow.

“i'm, uh, fine,” Red muttered a little awkwardly. Papyrus didn't seem too happy with that answer, though.

“are you sure? you could sit on my lap,” he suggested with a wink. That usually wouldn't be enough to bother Red, but with the way he still felt like everyone in the room was staring at him, he began squirming a little uncomfortable.

He didn't want to sit on Papyrus' lap. Not in front of everyone. Not for god knows how long they were planning to watch anime. But Papyrus looked at him expectant, and a knot formed in Red's throat. If he would say no, he would have to explain why. If he was going to explain, he would have to talk. And sometimes talking just was _too hard_ , when you're on the edge of anxiety.

So he just said, “s-sure, ok,” and carefully climbed on the other skeletons lap. “a-are you sure about this?” Red asked anxiously, feeling Papyrus' hands wrap around his middle.  
“yea, 'fcourse. you're short enough that i can still see the screen well,” he replied carefree as ever.

“Are you two LOVEBIRDS done canoodling???” Alphys asked from the other end of the couch, yelling about as loud as one would if they were on the other end of the _room._

“ _yes_ alph',” Papyrus grunted with a pinch of annoyance in his voice. Seems like Red wasn't the only one who flinched by the volume of her voice. “just start the anime already.”  
The dinosaur gave one last, but loud 'WHOOP' as she tossed the remote straight up, before catching it again and pressing the play-button. It made sense that the anime continued mid-episode, but that meant a bit of catching-up on Red's part. But at least he remembered what anime were again. They were like silly human cartoons, except with way too much gore, breast or panty shots. And in the best/worst cases all three of those.

Looks like Red got lucky, because this anime seemed to be one of those best-worst cases.

Papyrus seemed to notice, too, except different to Red, the sight of that seemed to make him uncomfortable.

“hey alph', are you sure sans should be watching this?” He asked, voice low and his eyes still fixed on the screen.

“I'M RIGHT HERE, YOU KNOW,” Blue complained. “AND I'M PRETTY SURE I'M OLD ENOUGH TO MAKE THOSE DECISIONS MYSELF!!!”

“YEA, ya can't baby the squirt FOREVER, ya know??” Alphys agreed loudly.

“heh, guess you're right…,” Papyrus muttered, not really sounding very convinced.

He didn't seem to worry for too long, though, because only a few moments later Blueberry stood up from the couch, covering his eyes.

“I AM OLD ENOUGH TO DECIDE WHETHER I SHOULD WATCH THIS OR NOT, AND I DECIDED THAT I SHOULDN'T,” he said, as clear as crystal, blindly marching away from the couch.  
“Aww, Sansy don't be like that!!!” Alphys complained, turning around on the couch to phase him. “We can watch something else if ya wanna!”  
“Y-yes, I actually b-brought a f-few more anime…,” Undyne agreed with her, although a lot less loud and enthusiastic.

“I APPRECIATE THE OFFER, BUT IT IS LATE FOR ME ANYWAY!” Blue replied, and with a quick glance at the clock Red confirmed that it was actually pretty late. A little before midnight. “MAYBE WE COULD REPEAT THIS SOME OTHER TIME???”  
“Hell YEA we are!”

“you gonna be alright bro?” Papyrus threw in eventually. “you want me to read ya a bedtime story?”  
Red wasn't sure whether it had been Papyrus intend to embarrass his brother in first place or not, but he clearly heard Undyne and Alphys giggling a little to themselves, while his doppelgangers face flushed shades of blue.  
“I DON'T NEED A BEDTIME STORY, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!” He replied with a slightly angry undertone. “GOOD NIGHT, EVERYONE.”

“G-Good night!”  
“Night!”  
“sleep tight, bro.”  
Red bid his own version of a 'good night' as well, but it was muffled and probably went down in the many other, much louder voices. Blue didn't seem to notice or mind at all, though, and simply disappeared into his room.

Now that they were one person shorter, there was enough room for Red to sit on the couch himself. So slowly he slid off from Papyrus lap to sit next to him instead, the tall skeleton still having one arm over Red's shoulder.

 _If_ he was actually trying to not make people think they were dating, which they weren't, he was doing a pretty bad job. Not that anyone minded, really. Blue hadn't commented on Papyrus' affectionate behavior at all, Alphys and Undyne seemed more busy trying to shyly get their hands on each other themselves, and Red… well. He still wasn't comfortable with all this, but he had to be honest, he preferred being close to Papyrus a lot more than sitting alone in the middle of a group of people.

But honestly, Red watched curiously out of his peripheral vision how Alphys tried to get her arm around Undyne, the way Papyrus was doing with Red. Except the dinosaurs arms were a lot shorter, just like the rest of her body really. Peculiar, he thought, as he tugged Papyrus down to his level a little.

“isn't alphys a little… well, _you know?_ ” He muttered quietly into where Papyrus' ear would be, if he had one. The taller skeleton just stared at him confused. No. He didn't know. “she's, like… she's so _small._ aren't guard members supposed to be tall and intimi-”  
He didn't even get to finish his sentence, interrupted by a terrifyingly loud growl as Alphys jumped upright on the couch.

“SMALL?” She bellowed, struggling slightly as the fish monster next to her tried to get a hold of her. “SAY THAT TOO MY FACE, YA FUCKNUGGET!!”

“A-Alphys calm down!” Undyne desperately pleaded, but too late to stop her. With a loud growl the dinosaur summoned a large axe, swinging it over her head.

If Red would've had a spare moment to think about it, he should've probably realized that she didn't mean to actually hurt him. That it was merely a playful threat, like the way you'd punch someones shoulder or the way Alphys had been wrestling with Blue earlier. Sure, she was angry, but she still wouldn't hurt anyone.

But Red didn't know that and Red didn't have that spare moment to realize that.

Reacting in panic, Red jumped upright on the couch, lashing out with one hand to take Alphy's soul in a grip of blue magic. It sent her flying towards the next wall, crashing against it with a painful yelp. Red didn't even hear that anymore. He didn't recognize any of the noises happening, didn't recognize the noise of a lamp crashing or the voices of his friends. He just heard this loud buzzing in his skull, this all consuming static, and his vision was blank, or maybe focused on Alphys, he wasn't sure. Either way he couldn't tell what was happening anymore, all he knew was he was in _danger._ That Alphys was _dangerous._

Of course she was, he should've figured it. If Undyne was the royal scientist now, and Alphys the Head of the Royal Guard, that meant Alphys was more like _the_ Undyne than Undyne was. Alphys was the one who was a threat. Alphys was the one who _should be dead._

He was just about to raise his other hand to summon a large wave of bones, when he felt someone else grabbing him, holding his wrist down. And then his other wrist. And before Red realized what was going on, he was pulled down onto the couch again, two arms tight around his middle.

And he was _trapped._ Someone or something was _holding him trapped,_ and he was struggling and kicking and lashing around, and probably screaming too. But for fucks sake, he was _terrified!_ What _else_ was he supposed to do? Give up and embrace death? He couldn't. Boss wouldn't let him. He couldn't die, he couldn't let himself get trapped like that, he needed to break free, he needed to escape and run away and kill whomever was holding him down and-

“RED _STOP!_ ”  
And he stopped.

Red wasn't sure what was going on anymore, not at all, but one thing he knew, _always_ knew. He knew how to obey a command.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was supposed to be funny and end in sexy times but, oh well
> 
> also, before I started this fic I was like "What if Underswap Alphys gets really angry when people make fun of her height and she'll quick anyone's ass that says she's short?" that easily became one of my fave headcanons and i decided i HAVE to add it to my fic one way or another


	21. yes, boss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i thought "i want some cute red and blue bonding, want to give them a really healthy and close brother relationship"  
> here's how that ended out

“RED, LISTEN TO ME.”  
He still couldn't make sense out of what was happening, and now he was sure his vision was blank, although whether that was because he had his eyes closed or just was entirely fucked up, he wasn't sure. But he moved his head towards the general direction the orders were coming from.  
“YOU NEED TO BREATHE,” they said. “CAN YOU DO THAT FOR ME?”  
“y-yes boss,” Red replied, taking a sharp breath. In, then out. It was shaky at first, and he didn't feel like he was actually getting any air, but after a little while his breathing calmed again. He blinked, once, twice, slowly regaining his vision. He still wasn't sure whether or not he has had his eyes closed, but he didn't care either.

When he opened his eyes, there wasn't  _boss._ There was Blue. Far too close in his face  for comfort , and Red scrambled back jerkily, only to fall into Papyrus' lap, who m was still holding him around the middle.

“woa relax,” he said surprised, gently helping Red to sit up. He was still holding him, but only with one arm now, while the other started slowly rubbing circle's on Red's arm.

He didn't understand. What was  _going on?_ Where was boss? Where was  _he?_

“RED, ARE YOU OKAY?” Blue asked gently, and that's when he realized it was _him._ It hadn't been boss commanding him, it was _Blue._

His doppelganger had always reminded him a little of boss, but Red never realized just  _how much_ he did. It was scary.

“WHAT HAPPENED?” Blueberry asked, and honestly, Red would love to know that, too.

“alphys startled him,” Papyrus explained as soon as he realized Red wasn't going to answer.

“The HELL I did!” Alphys barked back, and immediately Red's eyes flickered to the point at the wall where Alphys was still sitting on the ground. Undyne was beside her, trying to calm her down and gently saying things to her Red couldn't make out.

“CUT IT OUT, ALPHYS!” Blue warned. “NO CURSING UNDER MY ROOF.”

Red started to remember what happened and frowned.

“sh-she attacked me,” he explained carefully. “alphys a-attacked me and i-”  
“SHHH, IT'S OKAY RED,” his double interrupted him, gently petting the side of his skull. “I'M SURE ALPHYS DIDN'T MEAN TO.”  
“yea, she's way more bark than bite,” Papyrus confirmed. “'s a magical axe. she can control how strong it is and it was probably pretty weak.”  
“WHAT DID YOU EVEN DO TO ANGER HER LIKE THAT?”

“ _He_ was making FUN of my height!” The dinosaur growled angrily.

“OOOHH,” Blueberry replied immediately, his voice hissing through his teeth. He leaned closer to Red to whisper, “YOU PROBABLY DIDN'T KNOW, BUT THAT'S… SORT OF A TOUCHY SUBJECT WITH HER.”  
“I CAN HEAR YOU, YOU KNOW?!” Alphys butted in again, and that was when Red had _enough._ Couldn't she just keep her fucking _nose_ out of _their_ business for a second?  
“maybe you should sort out your fucking height-issues before you raise your annoying voice against _me!_ ” Red spit at her finally, eliciting a startled gasp from Blue and a sighed 'oh boy,' from Papyrus.

“Speak for YOURSELF, assface! You're HARDLY any taller than me!”

“CUT IT OUT, YOU TWO!” Blue told them angrily. “THERE'S NO NEED FOR FIGHTI-”  
“so what _if_ i'm small, huh?” Red ignored Blue entirely. “if i wanted to i could blow your fucking ass up to the surface  so hard that- that there wouldn't even be any _dust_ left of yo-”  
The shrill noise of bone hitting bone broke through the room, and it was only followed by silence.

“I-  
I'M SORRY I- DIDN'T MEAN TO-”  
It hadn't even hurt, honestly. If it hadn't been for the loud clash, and the way Red's skull flew to his side a little upon contact, he wouldn't even have noticed that Blue had _hit him._

“R-RED I-” He heard Blue swallow heavy. “Y-YOU CAN'T PICK FIGHTS LIKE THAT. IT'S JUST GOING TO GET YOU IN TROUBLE.”  
“b-”  
“I DON'T CARE IF ALPHYS STARTED IT. IF SOMEONE STARTS A FIGHT, _YOU_ END IT. PEACEFULLY,” the skeleton sounded like he was talking to a child. “ _THAT'S_ HOW YOU SOLVE THINGS. NOT WITH VIOLENCE AND HARSH WORDS. OKAY?”  
_Do you **understand?**_

“y-yes boss.”  
He heard a haggard, uncomfortable sigh from Blue. “I'M NOT YOUR BOSS. I'M NOT- RED I'M NOT _BOSSING_ YOU AROUND,” he said, but, it didn't make any _sense._ What _else_ was he doing? “YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANT. YOU'RE A FREE MONSTER. BUT IF YOU JUST FIGHT FIRE WITH FIRE, YOU'LL GET BURNT.”

 _You're_ _ **weak**_ _and you're going to get yourself_ _ **killed.**_  
“ok boss.”  
“I'M NOT FORCING YOU TO DO ANYTHING. I'M NOT ORDERING YOU AROUND. I'M JUST GIVING YOU SOME ADVICE.”

 _You're just a bother, a nuisance I_ _ **cannot leave alone**_ _ **for a second**_ _ **.**_  
“ok boss.”  
“I'M NOT YOUR BOSS.”

 _I don't need you._  
“ok bo-”  
“BLUEBERRY. OR BLUE. JUST CALL ME BLUE, PLEASE?”  
“y-” Red gulped. “...yes b-blue.”

“U-Uhm, excuse me?” Undyne interrupted shyly, once she figured it was a good moment. “I- uhm, I- I think we should l-leave now...”  
“YES, OF COURSE,” Blue sighed. “I'M SO SORRY THIS EVENING JUST ENDED IN A MESS.”  
“red's just kinda… a special case. we're still learning how to deal with 'im,” Papyrus added, and Red was surprised he hadn't expected _that._ Because honestly, he should have. Papyrus was right. He was a special case. He wasn't normal. He was broken, sick, a freak. He was a bother to the people around him.

Undyne frowned, not agreeing with Papyrus choice of words.

“D-Don't call him something l-like that. Red's f-fine.” She said, getting a loud scoff from Alphys.

“He's CRAZY if you ask ME!”  
“W-Well I'm not!” Undyne snapped back with a surprising amount of bite. She sighed. “I-I'm sorry about all o-of this, Red. I'm sure it's r-really hard for you. It's h-hard when people don't k-know what's going o-on with you. Er-… m-maybe I can come o-over some time again? W-We could t-talk. I mean i-if you want to.”  
Red almost didn't realize he was spoken to until she was halfway done talking already. He was listening, of course, just didn't bother to remember any of the stuff people said until he decided it was important. But even knowing what Undyne had asked him, Red couldn't make any sense out of the noise. The words. They were just loose words without order or meaning in his head.

“Come on Undyne…,” Alphys muttered eventually, tugging the fish monster along a little. “Let's just leave.”  
“O-Okay,” Undyne replied, before the two monsters left through the door.

There was a pregnant silence once they left, and it felt like minutes or hours, but were merely 32 seconds. Red knew, because he counted, every single one of them, unwilling to instead let his thoughts go somewhere else.

Finally, Blueberry talked.  
“I THINK I'M GOING BACK DO BED,” he said, sounding a lot more exhausted than before. “I'M SORRY RED. FOR HITTING YOU. I _REALLY_ AM. I WAS OVERWHELMED, BUT THAT'S NO EXCUSE. I'M SORRY.”

“it's fine bro, you didn't mean it. don't be too hard on yourself. mistakes happened,” Papyrus told him calmly. And wasn't that just unfair? Shouldn't it be Red who got to decide whether or not that was okay? Whether or not it was bad what Blue did?  
No. Of course not. Because since when was Red the one in control? Since when did Red even have the right to talk, if not talked to. He didn't. He never had. He shouldn't have thought he did.  
“THANKS. NIGHT BROTHER, NIGHT RED,” Blue eventually said, before leaving into his room.

Now it was just Papyrus and Red. The taller was still holding Red with one arm, the other slowly, gently stroking him. But he slowly let go of him, letting Red shift a bit further away on the couch. He didn't want to be close to him anymore.

“red…,” he began, sounding a lot more tired and stressed than before. He'd been _playing_ calm and collected. “what was that about your brother?”  
“what?” Red asked, not sure what he was talking about.

“boss. that's your brother, right?” Red gave a quick nod. “why would you call him that. why- i mean, i get it. you had a panic attack. but why sans? i thought, maybe, you'd be scared of me. because i'm technically the same monster as your boss. but sans?”  
“he- h-he talks like him…,” Red muttered, pulling his feet on the couch and closer to his body. “he's loud, and commanding. he's… a perfectionist. a neat-freak. he scolds you for smoking or if you don't go to work, and now he's commanding _me_ around.”  
“he's not _commanding_ you, red.”  
Red just scoffed at that. “well, it sure sounds like it.”

“he's _really_ not. yes, all of the things you said are true, but he's _not_ commanding anyone,” Papyrus told him defensively. Defensively for his brother. “if you don't want to do what he tells you to, you can _talk_ to him. or just ignore him. red, sans said it himself. you're a free monster, if you're not agreeing with what he says, you can just do whatever the hell you want.”

“but what if-”  
“what if what? he scolds you? come on, you're not three anymore. the worst sans will do is be disappointed in you, and believe me, you'll have to fuck up a ton to achieve that. he won't _hurt_ you, red.”  
“he did, though,” Red complained stubbornly, slowly reaching up to the cheek his double had hit earlier.. “he hit me. in the face. in front of _everyone._ that's how it starts. it'll be a slap on the face first, followed by waves of apologies. then a fist to the face, blamed on alcohol. then he'll knock me to the ground, because i'm weak and i should be able to defend myself. it's not his fault my ribs are broken. it's not his fault i lost a tooth. that i- th-that i'm being used as a fucktoy.”  
He didn't notice the way Papyrus started feeling sick, and just continued.

“it's not his fault, because i didn't stop him. because i'm not defending myself. because all i can do is cry and scream, but i'm not _fighting._ it's not his fault, because i'm _letting_ him do those things. it's _my_ fault. but papyrus. it's… it's _not._ ”

Neither did he realize that he was crying, at least not until he saw a moist spot on the hoodie he was still wearing. Suppressing a sob, Red quickly pulled the hood over his skull, burying his face into the legs still pulled close to his body.

“red…,” Papyrus began, but his voice was rough and weak. Because fuck, how was he supposed to react to that? He felt sick and almost considered running off to throw up in the middle of it, because he knew that Red wasn't just talking about Blue anymore. He was talking about boss. All those things, they had happened, and they probably hadn't been the _only_ things that happened to Red.

“it's not like that,” he tried weakly. “i swear. i really do, sans isn't like that! he wouldn't _ever_ hurt someone on purpose.”  
“i don't believe you,” Red decided. Because by now he knew that if Alphys was Undyne and Undyne was Alphys, that that meant that Papyrus was him and Blue was boss. He wasn't sure how that was possible. How an alternate timeline with a difference like _that_ could exist, but suddenly it was clear to him. It should've always been, honestly. And he's had thoughts like that, but it just never formed itself that clearly.  
Papyrus let out a haggard sigh.

“what do you want to do about it?” He asked eventually. “sans still lives here. are you going to move out? find a new place to stay?”  
No. Red needed to stay close to the machine, he _needed_ to finish it. Even if that meant living with a version of boss in the body of himself. Sure, he could do that. He's lived with boss for years after all, so what were a few months maybe with Blue?  
He was still scared. But he needed to stay with the machine.

“no. i don't care if blue's like boss,” he told him. It wasn't the truth, because he _did_ care. But it was the best answer he could form right now.

“alright man, if you say so.” Papyrus obviously seemed at loss. But Red couldn't blame him either. “i… guess i'm sorry. that you feel this way. but… i mean, i get you. what your brother did to you was awful and it… it scarred you. what i'm saying is, i'm here for you, alright?”  
Surprised, Red nodded. He hadn't expected that. But… he figured it was nice to hear.

“i'm gonna go to bed. do you… do you wanna join me?”  
“no thanks,” Red answered, for once being absolutely sure about his reply. “i'd like to be alone for now.”  
Fortunately for him, Papyrus understood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ey, i need some fanfictions for tomorrow to read through some big family event or whatever which i'm completely not ready for and extremely anxious about  
> shutting off and reading angst is always a good way to do that  
> so, uh, if you wanna i would really appreciate some recs??  
> i absolutely love swapfell stuff, honeymustard, angst and interesting sans/reader fics with smut


	22. therapy fucking Christmas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so announcement:  
> my life is a mess, i'm a mess (i may or may not have planned suicide now and then but im fine, really, im working on getting therapy so don't worry) and basically shit's draining and i'm slow on fics (and the next chapters might suck bc i suck)  
> plus i have no self control and 93842183759302 fanfiction ideas, i'm currently writing six
> 
> another thing, i just got another great idea for a honeymustard (+edgeberry or papy/blue/red polya) fic that'll be a LOT heavier on the abuse part //rubs palms together excitedly//  
> but bc of, yea, fuckton of other fics i decided to wrap this one up soon. don't worry, i'm not gonna abandon it. just shorten it a bit, write the few things I still had planned then finish it  
> there'll still be a couple of chapters, maybe enough for a month or two (maybe more, depending on how fast i am, although i'll try to speed through this now) but yea, the end is sooner than first anticipated  
> to be fair tho, the fic is already 71 pages and i planned it to be, maybe, 10  
> the end might be somewhat open, but don't worry about that either. i'm gonna tell you more about the details once i post the last chapter, but i'm probably going to write a sequel for this fic once I feel like it and have less on my mountain of ideas
> 
> so yea  
> thanks for listening
> 
> (i'm serious tho, pls don't worry about me, i'm fine just stressed and overly dramatic)

“H-Hello. It's, uhm, m-me. Undyne.”  
“yea, i, uh, sorta can see that,” Papyrus replied, eying the scientist at their door.

Red could practically see the anxiety in the fishy monster rising. Sometimes Red just wanted to kick Papyrus over how dense he could be at times, but he knew he didn't actually mean to make anyone uncomfortable. Plus, it wasn't like Red was any better at it either. He just... sorta could relate to it really good.

“O-Oh, right… Sorry, a-am I bothering?"

"no, no don't worry," the taller skeleton told her soothingly, apparently catching up on her anxiety now, too. "wanna come in?" He stepped aside, pushing Red with him as he made room for Undyne to come in. Thanking, the fish monster did so, closing the door behind her.

"so what brought you here?"

"I u-uhm, I wanted to talk to R-Red," she stuttered awkwardly, gently stepping from on leg to the other. She seemed to have no idea what to do with herself.

"what." Red deadpanned. He realized that he probably didn't need to have been as harsh, but man. It was a defense mechanism. He couldn't just change that from one day to the other. And quite frankly, he was too lazy to try.

"O-Only if you w-want to!" Undyne quickly added. "I f-feel bad about what h-happened last time! I c-can tell we sh-share some p-pro-problems with-"

"socializing." He got impatient with her stuttering. Undyne flinched a little by instinct, but she nodded.

"i 'dunno what you'd wanna talk about, pal." He didn't want to talk. "don't think you could actually help me." Even if they both shared anxiety, there was no way in hell Undyne could have even the slightest idea of just what Red had been through. Not if she was from _this_ saccharine sweet candyland.

"c'mon red. give it a try? i think it could do you some good," Papyrus intervened eventually, and Undyne seemed to shoot him a thankful look. Red scoffed, crossing his arms, but nodded reluctantly.

"alright, fine," he muttered, making a big show over how unhappy he still was with this.

Papyrus lead Undyne to the kitchen and Red really just followed the two of them, sitting down un a chair next across the corner of the chair Undyne sat on. He pointedly avoided any eye contact with her, but honestly, from his periperal vision he could tell that Undyne was doing the same.

"C-Could we, uhm, s-speak alone maybe...?" The scientist eventually spoke up, looking at Papyrus whom was still scavenging through the kitchen shelves for some sort of snack. To be fair, that had been his plan seconds before Undyne had rang the door bell.

Red quickly shot him a panicked glance, immediately embarrassed about his reaction and glancing away again. But Papyrus had noticed.

"i don't know man. red?"

He knew what he was asking. Was he okay with this? _Was he?_ No. Even knowing Undyne wasn't a danger, that Undyne in this universe seemed more likely to get dusted by a fly rather than to hurt anyone herself, he didn't trust her enough to be alone with her. But he could get why Undyne wanted to be alone. This whole anxiety thing, Papyrus didn't get that. And Papyrus often had the habit to add his two cents on things, even if it didn't help matters at all.

“c-can you, uh… stay close?” Red muttered under his breath embarrassed, but Papyrus nodded understandingly.  
“i'll be in the next room, alright?” He asked, waiting until Red gave him a short nod. He told him if he needed something, Red could just call him and he'd hear. With another nod, he watched the taller skeleton exit the kitchen, leaving Undyne and Red alone.

Neither of them had the guts to talk first. For quite a while. At least it felt like quite a while.

After a few minutes, Red spoke up. “...so?”  
“U-Uhm!” Undyne cleared his throat a little, before commencing in another awkward silence, but much shorter this time. She took a sharp breath. “You have social anxiety?” She asked. Red gave a shrug.

“i guess?” He said nonchalantly. He never actually thought about _what_ he had. He just knew he was scared, like, all the time, so anxiety disorder seemed like the natural conclusion to this. “not just social, though.”  
“Oh.” Undyne answered, leaving it with that for a while. Red idly scratched his thumbs together, waiting for Undyne to speak again.

“S-So, you're Sans, right?” She asked eventually. “I mean, a-a Sans?”  
“how do you know?”  
“You look t-too much like him for it t-to be a coincidence. I've always believed i-in the multiverse theory!”  
Huh. Right, she was the Royal Scientist here, so it only made sense that she knew about alternate universes and such. Why did she care, though? He'd thought she wanted to talk about sappy feely stuff, not about science.

Oh well, maybe science would end up being more fun.

“How d-did you get here?” She asked, sounding a lot more confident with talking, now that curiosity seemed to overrule her anxiety. Red's shrug as answer seemed to deflate that a bit.

“i don't, uh, remember really,” he said, awkwardly scratching the back of his neck. It wasn't like he was lying. “i think i might've… accidentally activated a machine?”  
“A… machine? What machine?” Undyne questioned, making Red a tad more anxious. Should he have mentioned the machine? Was he allowed to talk about the machine, at least Papyrus' one in this universe? Should he even have admitted about the alternate universe thing to her?  
It wasn't like he had been keeping it a secret, but also… he hasn't _told_ anyone yet aside from Papyrus, and Papyrus hasn't bothered to bring it up to anyone either. The only other person who might know would be Blue, but Red wasn't even sure about that.

“i, uh, i don't th-think that's what you came here for…?” Red offered nervously now. “look, i really don't remember a lot. all i could tell you would be speculations?”  
Undyne seemed disappointed, but she nodded, trying to put a smile on her face. Her fangs weren't half as sharp and threatening as the ones of Undyne back in his universe, Red noticed.

“Y-You're right! That's not w-what I came here for. Sorry I got c-carried away,” she apologized, but Red shrugged it off.

“whatever.”  
“S-So, uhm. Is y-your… universe different?”  
Red squinted a little unbelieving because, wasn't she just going right back to that topic again? But he nodded.

“pretty much.”  
“H-How so?”  
Oh buddy pal, you couldn't even _begin_ to fathom what his universe was like. He tried to find the best words to describe it, but all that came out was,

“it's fucking dystopia.”

Undyne paused at that, sucking in a sharp shocked breath. Maybe Red could've worded that nicer.

“I-Is that why-”  
“'s why i'm a fucking broken mess, yea.”  
He was running his mouth faster than he could think.

“Don't s-say that about yourself…” Undyne sounded almost as if he might've insulted _her_ instead of himself. He didn't get it. It wasn't like he was lying or exaggerating even. He was a fucking broken mess. He was anxious and depressed and if he'd be alone he would probably hang himself the second he got the chance.

“Who was- is? Your b-boss?” The Royal Scientist asked, and the question almost startled Red, confusing him at least. _How_ did she know about boss? Or was she talking about someone else entirely? Did she think he was _working_ for someone? He somewhat felt like in the wrong movie suddenly.

Undyne seemed to notice and elaborated.

“You called Sans boss t-the other day. I thought… h-he was probably a b-big part of your life?”  
Oh, right. That fucked up panic attack or whatever he'd gotten.

“yea, you could say that…,” Red muttered now, glancing down at his hands underneath the kitchen table. “boss' my bro.” His _brother._ His baby brother. His abuser.

“Why w-would you call Sans-”  
“he _hit_ me, alright.” He really wasn't up for this discussion again. “i don't fucking care why he did it. he hit me. he knew what he was doing and he'd probably do it again.”  
“D-did your brother ever…?”  
“ _all_ _the fucking time._ ”  
Undyne seemed almost rigid. He didn't understand how she possibly looked more uncomfortable with this topic than Red did. Then again, Red had years to deal with it. In this pure and perfect universe, she's probably never had to even talk about anything comparable to that.

Red didn't take any fucking mercy on that.

“'s not even all he did,” he just continued. “it was _okay_ when he hit me. i could take a fucking lot. a ton. a skele _ton_ , hah! i mean, look at me, all those scars? boss'. i survived 'em all and i could again. but _beating me_ wasn't all he did.”  
He paused, taking a deep breath. Why had he started rambling now? He didn't care. If Undyne wanted to fucking talk about his mess of a mental health, his tower of traumatic experiences, then damn he'll make sure it's therapy fucking Christmas for her.

“he'd make sure to remind me of what a- what a fucking piece of _shit_ i am. i was hardly even a monster in his eyes, just an animal, a pet that he needed to take care of because of some status reputation or whatever. it's not like he told me. all he told me was that i was a nuisance. a _bother._ ”  
“You're not-”  
“so he had to get _some_ use out of me, right? i'm shit at chores, i'm shit at work, i'm shit at living, but man.” Red ran his hands over his face, keeping them over his teeth for a moment to sigh into them. “apparently i sure work good as some fuck toy.”  
Undyne looked sick, and for a moment Red wondered if he had gone too far. But she didn't stop him either.

“the fucking best part out of all of this is that- that i _believe_ him sometimes. that i actually think this is my fault, because i should've done better as a brother. i _hate_ him. everything he does, he does just to make my life more miserable, but...”  
“Red...” Undyne tried to intervene, but the skeleton wasn't listening.

“i fucking _deserve_ it.”  
“B-but what y-your brother did is s-still awful. E-Even _if_ you w-would deserve it. Which i-isn't true. No one does.”  
So fish-lady was still able to pep-talk him after that bomb, huh? He'd thought she would chicken out the second she got to realize just how fucking deep the shit he was in was.

“it doesn't matter.”  
“Yes it does! R-Red, the way y-you talk about him shows th-that… you _d-do_ realize what he does is w-wrong. Abuse.”  
“i do.” What does it matter?  
“That's r-really good already!” Despite everything Red had just told her, Undyne smiled at him. “A-And you're away from h-him now, too. So y-you're going to r-recover, Red. We've a-all got your back.”  
She said so final as if that was just the end of it. It _wasn't_ though. Red didn't have the time to recover because,

“i'm going to go back, though.”  
“Wha-”  
She got interrupted by a loud crash.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bonding over shared anxiety? don't mind if i do
> 
> 'nother thing, i know i just asked for fanfiction ideas (and i'm definitely going to read, like, all of them soon, i already read quite a few) but i just got to a new school and im incredibly socially anxious so basically spending all my breaks alone reading fanfictions on my eReader  
> so if u know some REALLY LONG and good fics i would love suggestions  
> (i already read some of the longest, CoBC; WTMYH; Bloody Lily, Blue flames; currently reading Feeling Bonely; My Fault)  
> I always love smut, but honestly, I'm open for almost everything rn


	23. He was really just a broken mess that people sometimes tried to fix when they wanted to feel a bit better about themselves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao so a while ago this big update for windows 10 came out, right? and it entirely fucked over my pc.  
> and don't u dare shittalk my pc bc it's really good, it's just that windows 10 is utter fucking garbage. my _pc_ worked fine. just after the update, _windows_ wouldn't boot up anymore.  
>  so i restored a backup, right? but i _have_ to do that garbage update, so long story short, that happened two more times before i ran windows new on the pc some days ago. windows 10 pisses me off.  
>  also that's the third time i ran windows 10 on my pc. bc the first time that _also_ entirely fucked over my pc :-)  
>  man i sure am the walking embodiment of Murphy's Law. i'm just a black cat with electronics
> 
> maybe i shouldn't have gone to an IT college

“fucking- _christ_ , are you alright!?” They could hear Papyrus gasp from the other room. So it was probably Blue that… fell?  
“I'M… FINE,” Blue huffed weakly, proving Red right. He was standing in the door frame now, just in time to see Papy run over to his brother anyway, checking for any injuries. He must've fallen down the stairs.

“Is Sans okay?” Undyne asked him, startling Red as he wasn't expecting her so close suddenly.

“idunno. should ask him, honestly, not me,” Red told her, although he was pretty sure Blueberry wasn't okay. Ever since the 'boss' incident, Red's panic attack, Blue was more of a mess than Red was. He wasn't sure if he'd caught up on the way Red was trying to avoid him, or if Blue tried to distance himself, but whichever it was, the two of them rarely spent a lot of time in the same room anymore. Blue seemed uncomfortable around him, but kept trying to make Red feel comfortable while still trying to give him his space. It was… unlike him.

Papyrus assured Red that he shouldn't blame himself for Blue's behavior. And he was right, Red thought. He shouldn't have to feel bad. Yet every time Blue slept for too long and still got more and more tired than ever, it… It just hit too close to home. And it _was_ Red's fault he suddenly acted this way.

“MORNING RED. GOOD MORNING… UNDYNE?” The small skeleton greeted as he entered the kitchen, startling both Undyne and Red to scramble back to their seats at the table and pretend poorly they hadn't been watching.

“H-Hello Sans,” The fish monster offered with a hint of pity in her voice. Even she could tell that, despite the way Blue tried to sound like he was okay, he seemed pretty much down to the dumps.

“ISN'T IT, UH… A BIT EARLY TO VISIT?” Blueberry muttered tiredly, staggering through the kitchen to make himself a coffee. It was easy to tell he'd just woken up.

Undyne looked as if she was about to deliver him some sort of awful news, but all she said was,

“Sans, it's 2pm.”  
To be fair, Blue seemed to take those words in like some bad news, too, staring at the scientist speechless. Then let out a haggard sigh.

“I MISSED SENTRY WORK! PAPY, WHY DIDN'T YOU WAKE ME!?”  
“you seemed pretty beat yesterday,” Papyrus called over from the other room. “i called alphys, told her you'd take the day off.”

Blue’s shoulders relaxed in relief, but he didn’t seem entirely satisfied just yet.

“I SUPPOSE THAT IS OKAY…,” he muttered, before pouring himself a large cup of coffee and drinking it black. He looked absent, but somewhat on alert, and Red could tell he really just wanted to leave.

“Red?” Undyne began quietly, as if she didn’t want Blue to listen in. Although if he wanted to, he easily still could. He probably didn’t want to. “Do you mind if I t-talk to Sans for a bit? A-Alone, I mean...”  
Red stared at her with something akin to betrayal on his face. She missed it completely, so Red shrugged nonchalantly.

“sure doc, whatever. i don’t mind,” he lied. He _did_ mind. He wasn’t sure when that happened, but Red realized he liked talking about his heavy stuff. About what was fucking him up. And he wasn’t done yet, there was _so much more_ he wanted to get off his chest. And she’d come for _him_ right? To help Red. Yet as soon as little Blueberry showed up, _he_ was the center of attention.

It didn’t matter, Red decided as he left the kitchen. _He_ didn’t matter. He was really just a broken mess that people sometimes tried to fix when they wanted to feel a bit better about themselves.

“hey babe,” Papyrus said the second he noticed Red exiting the kitchen. He was lying sprawled out on the couch, absently watching TV. “everythin’ cool?”  
“yea, undyne wanted to talk to blue.”  
He didn’t notice it himself, but apparently there was _something_ in his voice that made Papyrus look up worried, almost alarmed even.

“hey, are you ok?” He asked softly, getting up from where he had been lying to go up to him. Ever since Blue came back, Papy had been a lot more affectionate, even though they weren’t actually dating. So it shouldn’t have surprised Red all that much, when the taller wrapped his arms around his’ waist, pulling Red closer. But it did anyway and for a moment Red went rigid and stiff. But it was reflex, they both knew. So quickly he let himself relax into the hold, leaning a bit more into it and grabbing with his smaller hands onto the soft fabric of the other’s hoodie.

“’m fine,” he sighed, except he wasn’t even _trying_ to hide the frustration in his voice this time. “’s just that… i… _ugh,_ i don’t really wanna talk about it.

He was worried that Papyrus would try to pry, and he looked like he was about to, too. But instead, all Papy did was hum a little worried and squeeze Red a tad closer to himself.

“hmm, alright man, if you say so.” He didn’t seem quite content with that yet, but Red was really just glad he didn’t have to talk about it right now. He would, probably, later.

But right now, Papyrus just swooped him off the ground, causing Red to let out a surprised yelp. He quickly wrapped his arms and legs around the taller as to not fall down, although Papyrus was probably holding him safely enough already.

“christ! warn me next time, you jerk,” Red complained, batting with his hand a little against the other’s chest, but got interrupted by Papyrus clanking their teeth together.

Red relaxed into the kiss all to quickly, impatiently slipping his tongue out to lick along Papyrus’ mandible, demanding entrance. Papyrus complied easily enough by opening his mouth, and Red acted quickly, rolling his tongue over the other's. He didn't miss the surprised groan he got out of the taller.

The kiss was short and brief, as Red pulled away again rather quickly, a thin line of saliva still connecting their mouths. But it left him breathless none the less.

"asshole," Red grumbled under his soft panting. He felt Papyrus' hold on his shake a little as he chuckled softly.

"sorry," he hummed, leaving a small peck on Red's skull. "you're just too cute. so how was your talk with undies?"

" _undies_?" Red repeated with a smirk as Papyrus sat back down again on the couch. He still didn't let go of Red, so now the latter was sitting on top of Papyrus' lap, facing him. "t'was fine. i... guess i needed someone to talk to..."

"you can always talk to me," Papyrus intervened, a hint of jealousy in his voice.

"i know but, it's just... uh-"

"sometimes you just need more than one source to talk to," Papyrus supplied, and Red was surprised. That was _exactly it_. "don't worry red, i get it. it's cool."

Red nodded a little, glad that Papyrus wasn't actually upset. _And_ understood it. Probably better than Red himself, for a matter of fact. He knew he had Papyrus to talk to, and he would talk to him from time to time. And it wasn't like he had told Undyne anything new. But it still felt... good. Was he just craving for attention at this point?

He decided to ignore that thought for now.

"is undyne, uh... always that chatty?" Red asked instead. She seemed rather shy at first and didn't seem like the kind that would volunteeringly talk to someone.

"nah, not really," Papyrus confirmed his suspicions, glancing towards the kitchen where the fish monster was still talking away with Blue. "i'm surprised myself actually. i think she saw a bit of her own in you and got worried. she, uh... had past problems with anxiety and depression."

"past?" Red asked surprised. Papyrus gave a short nod.

"she's a lot better since she met alphys. got help n' stuff. i think she goes to therapy?" _Therapy_. Red had never thought that. Could _he_ go to therapy? Did he _want_ to? Something inside him said that, no, he really didn't. But he was sick of feeling the way he did. Could something like therapy help him? _Or maybe just the drugs they'd prescribe him?_

"she's still not all well, but she's doing great progress. we're all proud of her."

"you really are, aren't you?" The smaller asked thoughtfully. He leaned closer to Papyrus, feeling the way the other circled a thumb along the back of his skull.

"i'm also proud of you, red." Papyrus added, softer. "you've done great progress as well."

 _But he’s going to go back_ , Red thought to himself. _What does it matter if he’d recover, if boss is gonna break him all over again?_

He hadn’t noticed Undyne coming back out of the kitchen until he heard a surprised gasp from her. Red straightened up a little startled, not sure what might’ve caused her reaction.

“Oh! S-Sorry! I didn’t know y-you two were...”  
_Oh._ Red flushed noticing the way him and Papyrus were still entangled. To make matters worse, he hid his face in the fabric of the taller’s hoodie, as the latter laughed gently.

“OH, THEY’VE BEEN LIKE THAT SINCE I CAME BACK FROM PRACTICE WITH ALPHYS.” Blue added his own spice to the horror. And then he added, as if they couldn’t hear him well and clearly, “THEY THINK I’M NOT AWARE OF THAT THEY’RE DATING.”

“w-we’re _not_ dating!” Red defended himself sharply, and for a second he thought he noticed Papyrus getting slack a bit. He must’ve imagined it, because only a second later Papyrus let out a lazy chuckle.

“heh, he’s right. sorry to break your shipping headcanons, bro, but we ain’t a thing.”  
“But then why are you-”  
“hey, so, who’s up for a movie? i recently found one in the garbage. ‘s called kung fury apparently.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> poor literally fucking everyone
> 
> also i watched kung fury today  
> please do yourself a favor and do so, too  
> it's on youtube
> 
> OH ALSO! "There's no Path" is actually just a working title (well, the ACTUAL working title is "My Wi-Fi broke") but since I'm gonna finish this fic "soon" I thought I could think of a proper name?  
> (Then again I grew attached to calling it 'There's no Path'. but it doesn't really fit to the story either, so idk. if i come up with something good, i'll change it, i guess)


	24. He didn’t want him to see his past abuser in Sans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> POV Blue? In _my_ Honeymustard fic?  
>  It's more likely than you think!

“YOU WANTED TO TALK TO ME?” Sans questioned once Red left the kitchen. “IS SOMETHING THE MATTER, DOCTOR? IS IT ABOUT LAST ANIME NIGHT? I AM STILL VERY-”  
“No, n-no, don’t worry about that,” the timid fish monster interrupted him gently. “A-And I’ve told you t-to call me Undyne. I-If you want to, that is. Uhm.”  
“OH, YOU’RE RIGHT. OF COURSE. I DON’T KNOW WHY I DIDN’T JUST CALL YOU UNDYNE IN FIRST PLACE.” Except he did. It was because he was _still_ anxious over being disrespectful and losing his small amount of friends that way. “IT WAS A VERY LONG WEEK...”  
“T-That’s actually what I wanted to t-talk about. Are you okay, Sans?”  
No. “YES, OF COURSE! WHATEVER WOULD MAKE YOU THINK I AM NOT?” He didn’t sound convincing even to himself, yet he had to at least _try._ He didn’t need people worrying about him. That was the last thing Sans wanted.

“You l-look tired,” Undyne pressed on anyway. “C-Come on, Sans. Y-You can talk to me. Papyrus told me you don’t s-seem to feel so well and I-I can see what he meant.”  
Sans groaned a little, running his hands over his face. He had expected, of course, that his brother would notice he wasn’t feeling at his best. But he didn’t think he’d _tell_ anyone about that.

“I DON’T KNOW WHAT’S WRONG,” Sans admitted. He slumped down in a chair, the mere decision to talk making him feel even more miserable. “I JUST FEEL REALLY BAD. RED HATES ME NOW-”  
“H-He doesn’t.” Sans shook his head.

“HE DOES, AND I CAN’T PUT IT PAST HIM EITHER. I’D BE UPSET WITH ME, TOO. ESPECIALLY WITH WHAT HE’S GONE THROUGH IN HIS PAST...”  
Undyne shifted a little uncomfortably in her seat, pretty much proving Sans that she must agree with him.

“E-Everyone makes mistakes,” she then said anyway. “You d-didn’t mean to do a-anything bad.”  
“I HIT HIM, UNDYNE! HE WAS FREAKING OUT AND I JUST SLAPPED HIM.” He didn’t understand why people kept trying to excuse his actions. First Papyrus and now Undyne, too. The only one who treated Sans the way he deserved was Red. The foreign skeleton didn’t seem to be sure whether to hate Sans or be terrified of him, but he always seemed incredibly uncomfortable. That made them two.

“Y-You were freaking out, too!” Undyne continued anyway. “You were w-worried about him and didn’t know what to do. I-Isn’t that right?”  
“WELL, SORT OF, BUT-”  
“He was overreacting a-and so were you.” She put a light pause there, whether to take a breath or let it settle in a bit, Sans wasn’t sure. “It just w-was a big misunderstanding. You were b-both emotional and confused. Y-You need to talk. With Red.”  
“I DON’T THINK HE WOULD LIKE THAT.”  
“I d-don’t think so either,” Undyne admitted. Sans feared she was going to push this anyway.

“I’M _NOT_ GOING TO FORCE HIM, UNDYNE. I’M NOT GOING TO PUSH IT EITHER,” he therefore told the doctor quickly. “I THINK THAT WOULD BE THE OPPOSITE OF HELPFUL, GIVEN THE CURRENT SITUATION. HE- HE… STILL CALLS ME BOSS SOMETIMES.”  
At that, Undyne seemed surprised. “R-Really?” She asked curiously. “I t-thought it would’ve only been because of his p-panic attack...”  
“WELL, I DON’T THINK HE DOES IT INTENTIONALLY. HE DOESN’T DO IT VERY OFTEN BUT… SOMETIMES.” It only had happened maybe once or twice since the panic attack, Sans had to admit to himself, but those few times, they _stung._ He didn’t want Red to think of him that way. He didn’t want him to see his past abuser in Sans. He wasn’t like that. He _wouldn’t_ hurt him, or _anyone_ , intentionally!

But he could easily see where Red was coming from. He _had_ hit him. And… he _was_ very demanding and strict with, at least, his brother at times. But he wasn’t… he wasn’t _abusing_ anyone. He wasn’t violent or threatening, the worst he’d do would be to take Papy’s cigarettes and hide them somewhere he was pretty sure the taller skeleton could get them from anyway, but didn’t because he respected Sans too much.

But Red didn’t know that, right? He had only spent a bit more than a month with them and he… _had_ hit them. Sans had to admit, that probably spoke a lot louder than any of his past actions did.

Sans was disgusted with himself.

“Y-You should still t-try to talk to him s-somehow…,” the fish monster eventually went on. Sans had almost forgotten she was still there. “Maybe Papyrus c-can convince him.”  
“MAYBE...” Sans admitted, although he wasn’t _too_ fond of the idea. Sure, he should _probably_ talk to Red. Whether that would help or not, he _needed_ to tell him how sorry he was. But he… just didn’t _want_ to.

“Th-Things will get easier again, d-don’t worry,” Undyne added softly. She must’ve seen the grin look on Sans’ face. “I th-think you’re going through a d-depressive episode.” She said, and just let it stay in the room like that for a while. Just like that.

“OH.” Sans replied in a monotone. He wasn’t sure what else to say.

“I-It would explain why y-you’re so tired?” It sounded more like a question than a suggestion. “A-And it makes sense. A lot of p-people go through depressive e-episodes after heavy, t-troubling events. You’re g-going to be fine.”  
Despite the intent, it didn’t feel very uplifting to Sans. He appreciated the attempt, though, and gave Undyne a weak smile.

“THANK YOU,” he muttered to the fish monster. “I APPRECIATE IT.”  
“It’s n-no problem!” Undyne told him. “I-If you ever need someone to t-talk, I’m there f-for you.” She seemed a tad more tense as she said that, as if her own words scared her. Sans remembered, of course, that she was still diagnosed with social anxiety, so she probably actually was scared.

“THANK YOU,” he said again, and as she continued to look at him expectantly he added, “NOT NOW, THOUGH. I… THINK I’VE DONE ENOUGH UNCOMFORTABLE TALKING FOR MY TASTE FOR NOW.”  
“O-Of course!” Undyne replied quickly. “Should we join Papyrus and R-Red in the living room?”  
“YES PLEASE.”

Sans hadn’t expected Red and Papyrus to be cuddling on the couch, not that they had any reason not to, but apparently Undyne had been expecting that even less.

“Oh! S-Sorry,” the doctor stuttered surprised. “I didn’t know y-you two were…” She trailed off a little uncomfortably as Sans glanced up at her.

“OH, THEY’RE BEEN LIKE THAT SINCE I CAME BACK FROM TRAINING WITH ALPHYS,” he quickly told her. He was honestly a bit surprised that the fish monster was so shocked at that. His brother and double had been fairly affectionate during their Anime night, too, after all. But not everyone was as observant as Sans, he figured. Plus Undyne and Alphys had only eyes for each other as soon as they were in the same room.

“THEY THINK I’M NOT AWARE OF THAT THEY’RE DATING.”  
He immediately felt bad for saying that, caused by the way Red just looked absolutely _mortified._ He had never seen him that way before.

“w-we’re not dating!” The fidgety skeleton quickly defended himself, to which Papyrus chuckled calmly.

“heh, he’s right. sorry to break your shipping headcanons, bro, but we ain’t a thing.”

His ‘shipping headcanons’ were hardly of Sans’ concerns right now, though. Different from Red, as it seemed, Sans _noticed_ the way his brother acted, maybe even the tiniest bit, disappointed. He knew Papyrus as well as he knew himself, and Sans knew Papyrus knew him just as well. They could easily tell when something was off about their brother. And whatever Papyrus’ and Red’s relationship _actually_ was, they didn’t seem to have been on the same wavelength with that.  
Sans felt somewhat bad. He and Red had been really cute together. He hoped they would sort that out soon, rather than fall apart over that. He knew, though, that the foreign skeleton _probably_ would have some sort of trouble committing in an actual relationship, though.

Well, it wasn’t Blue’s place to intervene. He could mention it to Papyrus at some point when they were alone, but he shouldn’t try to play match maker suddenly. Sans has had that phase, and it rarely ended well. He learned that love just shouldn’t be forced.

During Sans’ inner turmoil he watched his brother not-at-all subtly avoid talking about his not-relationship any more by offering to watch a movie. Undyne actually had to leave, she said, so she excused herself and went back to her lab in Waterfall. Papyrus seemed actually really into the idea of watching that short human movie right now, though, or maybe he just wanted to keep on riding on that excuse to make himself believe it wasn’t as much of an excuse, so he could also make himself believe whatever was going on between him and Red wasn’t as much of a mess.

So after a lot of coaxing the tallest skeleton of the three managed to make them all watch a movie.

‘Kung Fury’ was it called, and it was actually fairly good. It was very intense and seemed really confusing. It looked a lot like the humans were using magic at some parts, which Sans had thought they couldn’t. Papyrus told him it was artificial magic, from machines, so that explained that.

Pausing the movie shortly, Papyrus eventually excused himself to go to the bathroom. Which was weird! Because monster don’t need to use the bathroom! Not for toilet-duties at least, so he couldn’t think of anything else his brother would have to do there on such short notice.

But either way, he was left alone now, sitting on the couch next to Red. Or, well, he was sitting on one end of the couch and Red on the other. Papyrus had been sitting between them, before.

Undyne’s words stirred in his head. He should talk with Red about all this mess, he knew that. But just as well did he know that neither him nor his doppelganger wanted to have this talk.  
“RED?” He said anyways, before he could stop himself. He could clearly see the way the other flinched hard as if he’d been hit. Sans felt sick in the stomach.

“y-yea boss?” Red asked, his voice dripping with nervousness. Sans just _didn’t understand._ He had just addressed him, not even sounded angry or demanding.

“WE… WE SHOULD TALK,” Sans muttered awkwardly, uncomfortably rubbing the back of his neck.

“uh.” Red looked like he couldn’t decide whether to laugh or be absolutely mortified. “...sure. whatever you say,” he instead just muttered hesitantly.

Sans had honestly not thought that Red would agree to this so easily. And he wasn’t sure whether to be pleased or worried, because his counterpart surely hadn’t agreed to it because he just _wanted_ to. But there was no reason in moping around about that.

“GOOD. THAT’S… GREAT,” Sans began instead, trying to start their ‘talk’ somehow. But again, he hadn’t thought he’d come this far. He had _no_ idea what to say, where to begin, he didn’t even know where he wanted to end it. Oh bummer, this wasn’t going to work out!

“I-I’M SORRY I DON’T THINK I’M READY YET!” He blurted out instead, feeling embarrassed and ashamed. Red shot him a skeptical look that just made him feel all the worse. “I NEED- I-I THINK I NEED MORE TIME TO PREPARE.”  
“...alright?”  
“BUT WE WILL HAVE TO TALK, RED.”  
“...ok.”  
“I TH-THINK IT’S VERY OVERDUE.”  
“whatever you say.”  
“RED.” Sans tried to sound firm, yet not demanding. He could tell the other was just throwing out easy half-replies. He couldn’t have that. He _needed_ him to be honest. “I’M AS UNCOMFORTABLE ABOUT THIS AS YOU ARE. BUT… WE _REALLY_ NEED TO TALK. I DON’T WANT IT TO CONTINUE LIKE THIS. JUST… GIVE ME SOME TIME, YES?”  
Red glanced away uncomfortable.

“yea, whatever,” he muttered under his breath. “wha’ever makes you comfortable.”  
Oh, Sans knew it wasn’t going to be comfortable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> something that's still a thing:  
> red's literally the only one calling swap!sans blue or blueberry  
> everyone calls fell!sans red
> 
> i mean  
> im doing it bc it makes sense, because they're in blue's native universe, he's like the "main" sans there, everyone knows him as sans  
> but it still feels really unfair  
> probably gonna bring it up at one point or another in the fic bc if i'd be red and this would happen, man it sure would nag on my self-esteem
> 
> anyway so red n' blue gonna have a talk soon hmm
> 
> also papy was probably jacking it in the bathroom  
> or vomiting  
> (or secretly setting up red and blue to finally fucking get their shit sorted out)


	25. “you’re awful.” “I KNOW.” “i hate you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i got so pumped over this chapter i wrote it all in one go

Even if things were tough and a mess right now, that didn’t their life, their routine would just stop. No matter how much Red wanted a break sometimes, Blue and Papyrus still needed to go to work and everything. Papyrus worked a lot more than Blue, Red noticed. Or, well, he _had_ more jobs. He skipped more often than not, but only could spend his time home during those ‘unscheduled breaks’ so often. He still spent a whole lot of time at work.  
Blue worked, too, of course. He also went to practice with Alphys every now and then. But unfortunately Red had to notice that the smaller of the two brothers spent a lot more time at home. He did chores most of the time. Cleaning up, cooking, laundry, grocery shopping. All that. Red knew he was exaggerating, but it felt like he was _always_ there.  
Red, though, didn’t just stop with his routine either. Even more than ever, in fact, did he continue working on the machine. He sort of did so to avoid Blue. The workshop was the only place Blue hardly ever entered. So that’s where Red preferred to spend most of his time now, until Papyrus got home.

Maybe that was good, though. He did a lot of progress, or at least so he thought. The mess of a machine started to look more and more like a thing that made sense and it felt like he had almost cracked the code. Like he only needed to figure out _how exactly_ the machine worked to finish it. He felt happy, at first. Excited.

But he felt also scared.  
The more time he spent in this universe, the less did he want to leave. He didn’t want to leave Papyrus behind. Didn’t want to go back to his shithole of a home. His fucktard of a brother. His fucking mess of a life. But he was still convinced. He _had_ to go back.

_But did he?_

_Of course_ he did. Boss was  _still_ his baby brother. Even if he didn’t feel that way, Red still loved him. Red still felt responsible for him. He  _couldn’t_ let him alone.

_But it’s better here, by any means._

It was better here. It was great here, nearby perfect ignoring a few small flaws. Red felt like he could enjoy it here, could enjoy himself here. Could actually _want_ to live if he lived here. But he didn’t deserve it, did he? He didn’t belong here. Red wasn’t a citizen of this universe. Red was a parasite. Feeding off the happiness of this place while giving nothing in return. He belonged to his own universe, he just did. As awful as it was. Abandoning his home to go somewhere better was… _cheating_.

“RED?”  
Shrieking the small skeleton jerked up from his spot. But his head was inside the machine, so he ended up hitting it on the metal. Cursing and whimpering under his breath, Red slowly dragged his head out of the machine to heavily lie back on the floor, his hands clutching the sore spot on his skull.

“OH GOODNESS!! I DIDN’T MEAN TO SCARE YOU, RED I AM S-SO SORRY!” The other blabbered far too fast, nervously glancing down at Red. He hadn’t noticed it was Blue scaring him until just now. Suppressing a whine, he rolled in to himself, trying to sit up on the ground, looking down at his feed.

He knew Blue wasn’t going to be upset at him but…

He also knew Blue hated it when he cursed. That he hated it when someone was making a mess. Blue _wasn’t_ supposed to be here. This place was a pig-sty and Red was covered in machine oil and stains from rust, just like the smell of those filled the entire room.

He felt vulnerable, uncomfortable, unsafe. His already small bubble of safety broke and now _Blue_ was just _there._

“WE NEED TO TALK…,” the little skeleton eventually continued, once he figured Red wasn’t going to say anything to him. He didn’t seem to be up to wasting any time.

Red knew, of course, that they were going to have to talk soon, once Blue mentioned it once. But he had dreaded that day. He had no idea what his double wanted to say. Wanted to get out of this. Did he want to make up? Apologize? Did he want Red to apologize? Maybe kick him out?  
Red hoped he wasn’t going to get kicked out. Not when he was this close to finishing the machine.

Not when he… needed Papyrus this much.

“I’M REALLY SORRY I HIT YOU,” Blue muttered regretfully. “I… KNOW THERE’S NOTHING I CAN DO TO MAKE IT BETTER. I MADE A MISTAKE, I- I’M REALLY SORRY RED. YOU HAVE ALL RIGHT TO HATE ME.”  
“i don’t-” Red stopped himself. He wanted to say he _didn’t_ hate Blue. But that’s what he did, right? He hated being around him. Every time he was, he was scared, uncomfortable, frustrated. He hated the way everyone treated Blue better than him. He hated the way Papyrus always preferred Blue so much over him. He hated the way everyone believed in Blue, trusted that he was still this perfect, innocent angel, no matter what he did or said. He hated how _right_ they were. How perfect Blue was. How nice and understanding Blue was, even after he did mistakes. How much _better_ Blue was than him. How he _still_ couldn’t make himself like him.

Red hated so much about Blue.

But did he…

did he hate _Blue?_

Red scoffed, turning away from the other monster. He didn’t need to answer if he didn’t want to. That’s what they kept trying to teach him, right? He didn’t need to do anything, if he didn’t want to.

“RED?”  
He didn’t _want_ to answer.  
“RED, PLEASE DON’T IGNORE ME.”  
He didn’t want to _talk._

“PLEASE SAY SOMETHING.”  
He just wanted to be _alone._

“WE NEED T-”  
“well what the _fuck_ am i supposed to say!?” Red snapped, roaring probably as loud as he could. He would flinch back usually, scared over the fact of how he was _definitely_ going to get punished for that outburst. But instead he saw Blue flinch back, and he realized, he was superior this time. “do you want me to smother you? tell you you didn’t do anything wrong, shower you in affection, because _everyone else_ doesn’t do it enough already?”  
“N-NO, I-”  
“ _i hate you, blue!_ you got _that_ right! i don’t fucking know what you want to hear from me! you _hit_ me. you’re just _another_ version of my brother, i _know_ you are, you just grew up privileged and healthy and happy and don’t have all that pent up anger to let out on me. but, oh fuck man, but if you _did,_ i know you would just _love_ to get your hands on me!”  
Blue looked sick, he looked guilty and like he was about to cry. And the worst was that Red wasn’t sure whether to feel good about this, whether to be upset at Blue about this or be upset at _himself._ He chose to be upset at himself. Because man, wasn’t that just always the best option?  
“come on! do it! hit me! kick me, punch me, _anything._ ”  
“I DON’T WANT TO HIT YOU.” Blue was crying now, fat tears rolling down his cheeks.

“ _liar._ ”  
“I REALLY DON’T WANT TO HURT ANYONE, RED.”  
“you just won’t _let_ yourself. because your delicate morals won’t let you do anything bad. but trust me, blueberry, it feels _so good._ just _try it._ ” He was going insane, wasn’t he? He shouldn’t insist so much on this, shouldn’t try to coax Blue into beating him. Yet he _wanted_ to. He _had_ to.  
“NO.” Blue almost screamed.  
“ _why not!?_ ”  
“I REFUSE!”  
And then, Red laughed. Loudly, as he covered his face with his hands, hanging his head a little. He hadn’t noticed he was crying, too, until he felt the wet tears on his palms.  
“just fucking do it already, you cunt,” he hissed. “do _something_ at least!”  
And Blue did. Too fast for Red to notice properly, partially since he had been still covering his face, Blue came up to him, crawling on his knees on the floor. Red braced himself, maybe sunk down a little, ready to get hit. Or punched, or kicked or maybe even choked or pushed on the floor. He wasn’t sure what the little Blueberry was into. Neither was Blue himself, probably.

But none of that ever came. Blue didn’t hit him, hurt him at all, and instead gathered Red up in a tight embrace. The other skeleton screamed loud, thrashing around. He didn’t _want to be touched._ Not _this_ way. Not _now._ Not _by him._

“let go of me!” He screamed.

“NO.”  
“let me go, asshole!”  
Blue wasn’t budging at all, but his voice shook a little. “NOT UNTIL YOU CALM DOWN.”

“ _fuck you!_ ”  
“RED I’M SORRY.”  
“i hate you!”  
“PLEASE, JUST CALM DOWN,” Blue cried, hugging Red a little tighter, as if he was actually finding _comfort_ in this. “I DON’T WANT TO HURT YOU, RED. I _NEVER_ WANTED TO. I- I HATE THAT I DID. I HATE _MYSELF._ ”  
“good!” Red barked aggressively. “you should!”  
“I KNOW.”  
“you’re _awful_.”  
“I KNOW.”  
“i _hate you._ ”  
“I HATE MYSELF, TOO.”  
Red stopped struggling and cried. Just cried, almost holding onto the embrace now, as if _he_ was finding comfort in this. And he just cried and sobbed, because he _hated all of this and himself,_ but he _didn’t_ hate Blue. Yet he couldn’t stop saying it. He couldn’t stop telling Blue he hated him. And he just made _everything worse._

He noticed Blue crying, too, but more than that he noticed him gently stroking over Red’s back. Even after all this. Even after Red trying to _make_ Blue do something he hated, after telling him he was awful, after making him feel even worse about himself. Blue still tried to comfort him.  
And Red did nothing of the likes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhm.  
> oops?


	26. YOU'RE NOT THE BAD GUY.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2 chapters in 2 days? (or were it 3 in 3 days even? my memory is shit)  
> im spoiling you guys
> 
> i never capsed a chapter title before and its lowkey scary how large that text is

“i don’t-” Red hiccuped.”i- i don’t _actually_ hate you,” he admitted quietly. Blue was still holding him, gently, slowly stroking over his back. But they had stopped crying by now, after what felt like… what? Half an hour or so?  
“WH...WHAT DO YOU MEAN?”  
Red sighed, clutching a little tighter onto Blue. He came to prefer this position over their previous one. That way he didn’t have to actually look into Blue’s eyes, or find a way to avoid doing so. Instead he rested his head on the others’ shoulder. He was very tired.

“i just… i’m just _jealous._ everyone loves you, blue. no one is ever upset with you, no matter what you do. they just keep on believing you’re this nice and sweet angel that you actually are. no one loves _me_ that way.”  
“THAT’S NOT TRUE RED,” Blue disagreed immediately. “PAPY LOVES YOU.”  
Red tensed up a bit at that mention. Papyrus _didn’t_ love him. He _couldn’t._ There was nothing lovable about Red. Nothing even _good._

If Blue noticed Red getting tense, he didn’t say anything about it.

“I LOVE YOU, TOO. YOU’RE PART OF OUR FAMILY NOW, RED.”  
“everyone still prefers _you_ over _me_ ,” Red complained. He was acting ungrateful and he realized that. Instead of continuing to find things to complain about, he should thank him. Appreciate the fact that he’s trying to help. Accept that he’s probably right, even if Red couldn’t believe it. But he didn’t do any of that. “they still call _you_ sans and _me_ red. it’s… shit it’s dumb. but man, _i’m_ sans, too, y’know? why the fuck do _i_ have to give up my identity but you don’t?”  
He felt like the absolute scum on earth for putting this in the room. He didn’t _want_ Blue to give up his identity. He just didn’t want to give up his own identity _either._

“OH GOD, I DIDN’T EVEN THINK OF THAT,” his double wailed. “I’M SO SORRY RE- _SANS._ IT ISN’T FAIR. IT REALLY ISN’T. OH GOD.”

Red swallowed.

“y-you don’t have to call me sans now.”  
“BUT I _WANT_ TO. THE NICKNAMES WERE TO AVOID CONFUSION, BUT… I MEAN, IT’S HARDLY GOING TO CONFUSE ANYONE IF I CALL YOU SANS, RIGHT? IT’S NOT LIKE I’M GOING TO THINK I’M TALKING TO MYSELF.”  
Red laughed a little at that, a small, soft chuckle escaping him.

“y-yea… i guess you’re right.”  
“DO YOU STILL WANT ME TO LET GO OF YOU?” Blue asked softly. Immediately Red held tighter on the other.

“no c-can we- i mean… just a b-bit longer…?” Red felt flustered, embarrassed. He didn’t want the other to see him this way, weak and vulnerable and craving comfort. But he also didn’t want him to let go either.

Fortunately, Blue didn’t mind. He laughed silently as he continued gently running his hand over Red’s back. “ALRIGHT. TELL ME WHENEVER YOU WANT ME TO STOP.”

Red nodded gently, silently suppressing another sob. He shouldn’t feel as warm and save around Blue as he did. He should still be upset. Angry. If not at Blue, then at himself. Instead he just felt sad and remorseful.

“i’m sorry about what i said...”  
“IT’S OKAY,” Blue told him without missing a beat. “YOU WERE RIGHT.”  
“n-no, i mean-” He felt like his voice was stuck in his throat. He didn’t think he’s ever had a talk before as hard and uncomfortable as this. “y-you’re not awful… you’re… so much better than my brother.”  
“BUT YOUR DESCRIPTIONS OF HIM,” Blue intervened, “YOU SAID YOURSELF THAT HE’S JUST LIKE ME.”  
“i-i mean, yea? sorta, but… without all the awful stuff, y’know?”  
Blue didn’t answer, but Red could tell he got the message. He could relate easily. Taking compliments, or just positive statements, was so much harder than taking insults sometimes.

“i’m sorry i tried making you hit me, too. i… don’t actually think you’d do that. i was really upset.”  
“IT’S FINE.” Blue sighed. “WE BOTH WERE.”  
“but-”  
“ _SANS,_ PLEASE. YOU’RE NOT THE BAD GUY.”  
Red wasn’t sure what to say about that. He… wasn’t sure how to deal with that. With not being the bad guy. With not putting the blame on himself, but not putting it on Blue either. But he _couldn’t_ put it on Blue. It wasn’t fair. Blue wasn’t at fault.

He knew, though, that his double was in a similar mindset as him right now, so he said, “you’re not the bad guy, either.”

He couldn’t see it, but Blue smiled a little at that.

“THANKS.” He said, and Red hummed a little in reply.

They held onto each other silently for a bit longer, still sniffling or quietly sobbing every once in a while. It was sort of nice, Red realized, and he could probably almost fall asleep like that, if it weren’t for that last bit of still apparent anxiety.

But a silence could only be comfortable for so long until it got awkward. Lucky for him, it was Blue who broke it before it came to that.

“C-CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING…?” His double murmured, so quietly Red could barely hear it. He nodded slowly.

“go ahead.”  
Blue took a deep breath. “YOU SAID YOU WERE JEALOUS BUT… THAT’S NOT IT, RIGHT? YOU _WERE_ SCARED OF ME. Y-YOU DIDN’T CALL ME BOSS JUST T-TO MESS WITH ME, RIGHT?”

 _Oh._ Red grew tense as he heard the question, feeling slightly sick in the stomach. Of _course_ he hadn’t called Blue ‘boss’ on purpose. He _hated_ when he did that. And he _was_ scared. Yet…  
“i-i think i wanted to be scared of you,” he admitted hesitantly. Blue made a noise of confusion, so Red tried to think of an explanation. It was hard, though. He barely knew what was going on in his head _himself._ He could only guess. “i’m _always_ scared. o-of people i mean, it’s just reflex. but i can deal with it, y’know? i-it doesn’t… _always_ affect me as badly. not anymore.  
but i _let_ it affect me w-with you… i… i had this idea in my head that you’re boss, that you’re _just_ like him. a-and i think… it made me feel better about myself? i could hate you instead of myself. could tell myself you weren’t as nice and pure as everyone told me you were. s-so i guess again i was just… jealous? i _wanted_ to hate you...”  
Blue had been quiet during his explanation, and stayed quiet for a little while after. But then Red heard him sob a few times, before the monster in his arms started crying again.

“h-hey, no, i’m sorry man,” he quickly said, desperately trying to not be an absolute mess and comfort Blue instead. They had _just_ stopped crying.  
“I-IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT,” Blue said in between hiccups. “I’M S-SORRY, I’M JUST...” He let out a dry, short laugh, still crying afterwards. “I’M JUST R-REALLY EMOTIONAL RIGHT N-NOW.”

“oh...” Not sure what else to do, Red held him a little tighter. He felt like crying, too, if he was being honest. But he was too tired to do so.

“ARE YOU R-REALLY _ALWAYS_ S-SCARED? OF EVERYONE?”  
“y-yea sorta. it’s okay, though, i can manage.” He really didn’t need anyone getting upset over that now. He’d been upset over his anxiety often enough, others didn’t need to add up on that. It _wasn’t_ like he couldn’t deal with it, after all.

“THAT’S A-AWFUL,” Blue sobbed anyway. “I’M S-SO SORRY, SANS.”

“it’s, uh, o-ok. ‘s not your fault,” Red muttered a little awkwardly. He could tell Blue still wasn’t exactly agreeing with him, but didn’t say anything anymore.

Their moment got cut short – or, well, shorter, it technically still had been _very long –_ by Papyrus gently opening the door of the workshop. His eyes widened a little surprised as he saw the two skeleton’s still holding each other.

“christ, what happened to you two?” He asked softly. “are you guys ok? should i leave again?”

“n-nah it’s fine. you can let go of me now,” Red muttered, the last part directed at Blue.

“OH, OKAY.” There was a hint of disappointment in Blue’s voice, but he slowly untangled himself from Red to face Papyrus now, too. “HEY PAPY.”  
“hey,” The taller said back, slowly stepping in now and closing the door behind him, as it was letting the cold Snowdin air in. “are you guys fine? what… happened?”

“WE JUST HAD A TALK,” Blue told him. He had stopped crying again, but he still looked like a mess and his voice was weak and tired. Red probably wasn’t in a much better shape. “I GUESS IT GOT SORT OF… EMOTIONAL.”  
“yea, looks like it. hey, so… uh, did you guys make up…?”

A little sheepishly Red glanced towards Blue. He wasn’t sure himself, if he was being honest. He’d like to say he wasn’t as upset and angry anymore, but he couldn’t tell. He was just… tired. Emotionally drained. He reached a point where he sort of just didn’t feel anything anymore. Blue seemed to be in the same state of mind, glancing at Red with equal confusion.

“I… SUPPOSE SO?” Blue suggested, and Red agreed with a simple shrug.

Papyrus seemed to let out a long, tense sigh. “that’s good to hear,” he said, relieve thick in his voice.  
Red watched silently as Blue got up from the floor, dusting some dirt off his pants. “I THINK I’M GOING TO PREPARE DINNER,” the skeleton muttered tiredly.  
The taller watched as his brother went for the door to leave. “hey, are you sure you’re fine ?” He quickly threw in, before Blue could exit the workshop. “i mean… i’m here to talk, okay?”  
Blue looked at him tiredly, but managed to put on a small smile. “I KNOW,” he muttered barely audible. “THANKS. I REALLY NEED SOME TIME FOR MYSELF RIGHT NOW, THOUGH.”  
Nodding slowly, Papyrus let Blue go, leaving him and Red alone now. He took a few seconds, before finally turning to Red.

“are you ok?” He asked gently, walking towards Red to help him get up from the floor. He held him close, but gentle, so Red could pull away if he wanted to.

“no,” the smaller skeleton admitted. “i’m really tired. i think i want to cry, but… i’m just too drained to.”

“i’m sorry to hear that,” the taller muttered. “what happened? did you really just talk…?”  
“i was an asshole,” Red told him, a hint of bitter amusement in his voice. “i was a real jerk and blue- _sans_ just kept being sweet and nice and… i just… _ugh._ ”  
“you didn’t mean it, red,” Papyrus told him softly, once the other finished ranting. “and sans didn’t seem angry at you at all. you made an honest mistake and that’s okay. so did sans.”  
Red sighed, as he hugged closer to Papyrus. “i guess so,” he muttered out.

“hey, can i do something for you? do you wanna take a nap in my bed or so…? on the couch?”  
A nap sounded nice, Red thought. He considered the couch, but he probably couldn’t fall asleep there. The living room was connected to all the other rooms, so sooner or later someone would probably go through it, waking Red up.

“your bed sounds nice,” he therefore muttered quietly.

“alright,” Papyrus said, gently pulling away from Red. “just give me a moment, i’ll gotta get some trash off of it first.” He laughed a bit, weakly, but genuinely, and Red joined in equally weakly.

“ok,” he said and watched as Papyrus teleported off into his bedroom.

Red gave it a few seconds, before deciding he didn’t want to wait in the workshop for Papyrus to come back. Instead he marched through the snow and back into the house, quickly discarding his shoes by the door. It was warmer in here than in the workshop, and Red was always surprised by how chilled his bones were after working on the machine. The warmth made him feel, maybe, a tad better.

That good feeling didn’t stay for long though, as he could hear faint sobbing once he passed the kitchen. He stopped by the door frame, resting a hand against it as he spotted Blue on the floor in the corner of the kitchen. His face was buried in his hands as he was crying quietly to himself. He didn’t seem to notice Red at all, which he was glad about.

He felt… bad for him. He felt guilty and wanted to do _something._ But he figured that Blue probably didn’t want _his_ comfort right now. They had talked and cried together for long enough, Blue probably needed to be alone or with someone else for now.

He heard a noise behind him, then felt Papyrus’ hand on his shoulder. Quietly Red turned around to see the worried expression on the other’s face as he glanced past him. He could tell how worried Papyrus was for his brother.

After a few seconds of watching Blue and considering what to do, Papyrus silently pointed up to his room, before heading there with Red following him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really enjoy those two fucking messes ok  
> god  
> those poor guys, man
> 
>  


	27. I... GOT SO MUCH LUCKIER THAN HIM...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> do you ever freak out about a thing that shouldn't be as bad, but you're on the egde of crying all day bc of that and you just feel really pathetic because it shouldn't affect you that much and you shouldn't react so extreme to it  
> and then there's your parents being an ass to you bc you cant do that thing that makes you freak out and you don't even have an excuse bc yea thats what it is, thats the truth, you cant do this bullshit thing bc its freaking you out and now you're crying and its actually not that big of a deal and you're a mess and all of this sucks and your parents dont get just _how much_ it freaks u out and just think you're, idk, being lazy or a bit of a scaredy cat but in reality the thought of it makes you want to break down and cry or maybe vomit or, idk, chop off your hand and also kill yourself, but whatever
> 
> wow  
> anyway  
> so  
> im fine? bad day, i guess, but when do i NOT have bad days? HAHA anyway. im gonna get through this  
> sorry for dumping this here  
> (none of the friends i usually rant to were online today)
> 
> SO ENJOY THE CHAPTER AND IGNORE ME BEING A MESS

“should i talk to him?” Papyrus asked the second he had closed the door to his room behind them. Red was shrugging off his jacket, neatly placing it on the ground next to the mattress, before he let himself fall unto the bed. He rarely cared about taking off his sweater or pants to sleep, let alone for naps. It was mostly Sans or Papyrus encouraging him to do so.

“idunno,” Red told him, and while the answer seemed casual, he sounded troubled. “all i know is he probably doesn’t want to see me at the moment.”  
Papyrus knew he was probably just stating facts, given the situation, but he still felt bad hearing it from him. It just _still_ sounded self-degrading when he said things like that.

“i’m glad you made up,” Papyrus decided to mutter, trying to steer the subject back to more positive grounds. “maybe things’ll get better again now.”  
He could tell by the way Red didn’t answer, avoided his eye contact, that he didn’t think they would. And Papyrus could easily tell why he thought so. Their, Red and Sans’ talk had seemed to have ended on a more dull note rather than a good one. And they had both seen Sans crying in the kitchen moments ago. Things weren’t fine just yet. Things wouldn’t just magically get better now. They still had to work for it.

Papyrus sighed. A few months back he’d thought _his_ depression was bad. But honestly, compared to Red’s situation, Papyrus must be like a sample example of a healthy person. Even Sans seemed to have it worse than him now, and he felt honestly sort of like an asshole. Like it was unfair of him to feel depressed when people around him, his loved ones, had it obviously worse.

He decided to shrug it off for now, because honestly, wallowing in guilt or whatever wasn’t going to help anyone.

He watched as Red pulled a thin blanket over himself and considered if he should join him. But he didn’t think he could sleep at all right now, considering how worried he still was about Sans. So instead he just leaned down to place a gentle skelekiss on Red’s forehead, uncaring of how sappy that might seem.

“sleep well,” he muttered softly. “i hope you’ll feel better later. should i wake you for dinner?”  
“nah, i think i’ll call it a day.” Papyrus had expected that answer, honestly. It was already early late noon anyway and Red looked beat.

“a’right. i’ll join you later then,” he told him instead, before leaving the room.

He passed by the kitchen again, of course, and saw that Sans still hadn’t moved from his spot. He wasn’t crying anymore, but instead stared to the ground unmoving. He knew his brother had said he needed some time alone, but he couldn’t just ignore it when Sans was sitting there looking so miserable, could he? He should at least offer his comfort, Sans could still send him away then if he really wanted to.

"hey," he said quietly, but loud enough for Sans to noticed him. He looked up tiredly, taking a moment before glancing away again with an exasperate sigh. God, he hated seeing his brother like this.

"I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT." Sans said before Papyrus could even question anything.

"that's fine," Papyrus muttered in reply, slowly coming towards Sans to drop down next to him on the floor, but his brother beat him to it, getting up before Papyrus managed to sit down. "you want me to do something for you? talk 'bout something else? grab a drink? red ain't joining us for today anymore. went to sleep."

"LUCKY." Sans muttered, shorts running his hands over his face as he groaned. "I'M TIRED, TOO."

"no one's forbidding you to sleep, bro."

"I WANT TO MAKE DINNER FIRST, THOUGH," his brother complained as he began taking utensils out of the shelves. "IF NOT FOR YOU AND SANS, THEN JUST TO DISTRACT MYSELF A BIT, I SUPPOSE. GET INTO A DIFFERENT MINDSET."

Papyrus hummed understanding. He knew Sans would start doing chores when he was stressed or worried. There had been times where he would clean the house five times, before Papyrus stopped him and told him to take a break. But usually these reactions were over small, silly things. Of course they were important, if they unsettled Sans, but they just had never been this _big._

"can i help you somehow?" He offered, wanting to help his brother so bad. He knew he wasn't going to get an answer on how to make Sans feel better, but he could at least be useful around the house for once.

"COULD YOU... COULD YOU SET THE TABLE, MAYBE?" Sans offered lamely, as if he just quickly thought of something to set his brother at ease. He probably did. This was a mess. But Papyrus nodded and began setting the table for two. Red wasn't going to join them.

"YOU KNOW..." Sans began muttering, a bit after Papyrus had finished setting the table and settled down to sit on a chair. He'd been watching his brother cook quietly up until now. "RED- _SANS_ THINKS I'M BETTER THAN HIM."

Somehow, he hadn't doubted that. He hadn't _thought_ of that either, but hearing it now just sounded a lot like something Red would do.

"in what," Papyrus asked, anyway.

"I DON'T KNOW? JUST IN GENERAL. I MEAN- HE THINKS YOU LIKE ME MORE THAN HIM," Sans muttered, still focused on grabbing the ingredients of his tacos and frying the meat. "NOT JUST YOU. EVERYONE. I SUPPOSE THAT MEANS UNDYNE AND ALPHYS, SINCE HE HASN'T REALLY MET A LOT OF OTHERS, BUT... YEA."

“y’know, he’s probably sort of right,” Papyrus had to admit, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. “not that i think he’s worse than you. you’re both great. differently. but he just hasn’t exactly been at his best around alphys, y’know? and undyne probably… she’s talked to him _twice._ plus, people love you sans.”  
His brother sighed, sounding as if he was trying to say something Papyrus just didn’t _get._ “I KNOW, I KNOW,” he said. “BUT SANS DOESN’T. I THINK. IT’S JUST… NOT FAIR, YOU KNOW? HE GETS TREATED LIKE _HE’S_ THE SPECIAL CASE, LIKE _HE’S_ THE ODD ONE. BUT THE ONLY DIFFERENCE BETWEEN US IS THAT HE’S NOT FROM HERE AND THAT I… GOT SO MUCH LUCKIER THAN HIM...”

“woah,” Papyrus quickly spoke up alarmed. “i know you’re right in the big pic, but don’t blame yourself for that, alright?”  
He could hear Sans sniffle in response. He wasn’t looked at Papyrus, instead staring down at the dish he was still making, so Papyrus couldn’t tell whether his brother was actually crying or just close to.

“it’s not _your_ fault you got luckier than him. heck! that ain’t even anything bad!” Papyrus shook his head, sighing. “shit, i phrased that wrong. okay so, it _sucks_ red had to go through what he did. and he… he should’ve had what you have- what _we_ have. he didn’t deserve to go through that shitstain of a life.”  
“LANGUAGE,” Sans scolded weakly, but Papyrus could tell his heart wasn’t in it.

“but it’s not your fault. and you can’t change it anymore either. none of us can. the best we can do is try to help him _now._ ”  
“AND WHAT A GREAT JOB I’VE DONE WITH _THAT_.”  Sans almost spat sarcastically, followed by a hollow, bitter laugh.  
“c’mon, don’t be like that. you fucked up. _once._ people fuck up, you know. it happens.”  
“BUT-”  
“you’re _sorry._ ” Papyrus continued, ignoring his brother’s protests for once. “you feel bad for what you did, apologized and are trying to do better, right?”  
“YES, BUT-”  
“so that’s good! that’s all you can do after screwing up, sans, and that’s _good._ red forgave you, didn’t he?”  
“I DON’T KNOW,” Sans admitted. “I DON’T THINK HE DID. I WOULDN’T FORGIVE MYSELF.”  
“that’s ‘cause you see yourself in a much harsher light than others do.” Papyrus explained, and he could go so much more into detail about this right now, but decided not to. “i can’t say if he forgave you or not, but he doesn’t hate you. he was really worried about you just now, i could hear it in his voice.”  
Sans grumbled a little, before he said, “I WISH HE WOULDN’T BE.”  
Papyrus was almost surprised by that. But then again, given the mindset his brother was in right now, it made sense. He’d been there, gone through that. Well… not exactly _that_ , but he knew what it was like to feel like the scum on earth. To feel like he didn’t deserve people’s sympathy.

S ans let out a sad sigh. “I JUST WISH HE WOULDN’T HAVE IT AS HARD. HE DOESN’T DESERVE IT. HE’S...” Sans voice shook a little. “HE’S VERY GREAT. OH GOD. PAPY I THINK I LIKE HIM???”  
“wha-”  
“LIKE, LIKE-LIKE HIM.”  
“sans-”  
“NO. NO, NO, I KNOW YOU TWO ARE…  _ SOMETHING. _ UHM. GOODNESS I SHOULDN’T HAVE BROUGHT THAT UP.” Sans was trying to finish his tacos, but was busy covering his face from being flustered.

“crap, sans- i- i didn’t know-”  
“ _NO_ , PAPY IT’S ALRIGHT REALLY. YOU TWO MAKE A _REALLY_ GOOD COUPLE. I’M JUST BEING SILLY. YOU KNOW HOW I AM, HAHA! I JUST G-GET TOO ATTACHED TO PEOPLE.”  
Papyrus felt sick as he watched his brother trying to compose himself again. He… he seriously hadn’t thought Sans would like Red that way. _Ever._ And even if Sans tried to play it down, Papyrus was worried his brother might… get jealous or something like that. Feel left out or like a third wheel.  
“I’M SORRY. I’M FINE, I REALLY AM,” Sans muttered as he calmed down again. Quickly he finished up the tacos. “PLEASE DON’T, UHM… FEEL LIKE… YOU CAN’T DATE SANS BECAUSE OF ME, OKAY? THAT’S REALLY NOT WHAT I WANTED.”  
“okay, but… we’re… _really_ not dating, sans,” Papyrus muttered. Sans placed down the tacos on their plates, one for each one of them, but there were more where they came from.

“I KNOW,” his brother told him murmuring. “BUT I ALSO KNOW YOU _WANT_ TO.”  
It was Papyrus’ turn now to laugh a bit too bitterly. “well, it doesn’t matter what _i_ want. there’s two to this.”  
“I THINK HE WANTS IT, TOO,” Sans said without missing a beat. “HE CARES ABOUT YOU A LOT, PAPY, YOU DO SEE THAT, RIGHT?”  
He did, of course.  Red had opened up so much more to him, in the last few weeks. He’d gotten more and more comfortable being affectionate, being close to him. He’d gotten less anxious and rigid and seemed to actually feel safe around Papyrus, which was _so_ different form what he’d known from just a month ago. But yet…  
“but then why would he keep acting like- like just the _idea_ of dating me would hurt him.” He was angry for no reason and he knew that. Red didn’t _have_ to like him back that way, didn’t have to be okay with dating. But it hurt every time Red would aggressively deny that they’re a thing. Every time Red acted more distant as soon as someone was around. Even if just a bit. Papyrus noticed and he hated it.

Sans let out a long groan. “PAPY ARE YOU SERIOUS?”  
“w-what?” The taller asked, surprised at that answer.

“YOU, OUT OF ALL PEOPLE ASIDE FROM SANS HIMSELF, PROBABLY KNOW _BEST_ WHAT HE’S GONE THROUGH. I WOULDN’T PUT IT PAST HIM IF HE’S SCARED. MAYBE BECAUSE OF SOME TRAUMA OF HIS BROTHER, OR MAYBE HE’S JUST SCARED OF THE COMMITMENT. HONESTLY, I THINK HE JUST DOESN’T REALIZE YOU LIKE HIM THAT WAY. YOU _KNOW_ HOW HE IS. HE DOESN’T… THINK VERY HIGH OF HIMSELF.”  
Papyrus swallowed.  
“crap,” he rasped. “i’m an ass aren’t i?”  
“YOU HAVE REALLY NOT THOUGHT OF THAT??”  
“i was busy being hurt!” Papyrus wailed,  feeling sort of like an ass now. But his brother laughed, weakly, but genuinely.

“YOU GOOBER,” he said, flashing Papyrus a small, sympathetic smile. “WELL, NO HARM DONE, RIGHT? YOU SHOULD TALK TO HIM ABOUT THAT SOME TIME. ESTABLISH YOUR RELATIONSHIP. OR NOT! YOU WOULDN’T PRESSURE SANS INTO A RELATIONSHIP, RIGHT?”  
“god no!” Papyrus told him quickly. “no, seriously. god, i feel like crap for been upset about that. of course he’d be scared! his whole perception in that area is probably messed up because of his dickhole of a brother.”  
“WELL,” Sans murmured quietly. “WE’RE HERE TO FIX THAT AGAIN, AREN’T WE?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry(?) for the cherryberry thing now suddenly  
> its probably not gonna be anything more than that  
> just a small, onesided crush, there's not even gonna be jealousy drama or the sort of "i love him so much but hes happier with papy so im happy to" sort of thing, really just one of those small crushes you sometimes get for a short while  
> i just really like blue and red ok  
> as a couple or just close buddies, whatever


	28. i could be dreaming any time and i wouldn’t know. ain’t that fucked?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> really slow and lazy chappie for today  
> i got sister location and its funny bc im actually a huge scaredy cat, ESPECIALLY about jumpscared  
> but since i already watched the lets play and sorta know what to expect its actually not that bad (just frustrating because i SUCK)

The bad thing about having an extremely emotional mental fucking breakdown is, that even though it feels earth shattering, whether positively or negatively, things don’t actually change. They aren’t, like, a huge jump in suddenly getting better or worse, in fixing things or breaking them. They just happen. And they’re tiring, and draining. But once they’re done, they’re done, and things are still as they were as before.

Blue was still depressed, it was easy for both Red and Papyrus to recognize that. While he _did_ try to be more active, try to get up earlier again and get into a healthy routine, it took a toll out of him. All the things Blue used to do all too casually suddenly seemed far too exhausting to him. And Red knew that feeling, but he had _no_ idea how to help him.

And Red was still a tad too scared of Blue. They weren’t avoiding each other anymore, not as much. But when Blue came too close too fast, he’d flinch. When he didn’t expect his double to call him, he’d answer with “yes boss?” Instead of his actual name. And whenever Papyrus would tell him, Blue, that it wasn’t his fault, _which was true_ , Red could feel that nasty sick envy coiling in his stomach. He hated being jealous of Blue.

Papyrus, of course, also told Red it wasn’t his fault. He never favored Blue over him, always did as best as he could to treat them equally. But maybe, Red thought, he was just doing _too_ much. Maybe Papyrus should just shut up for once. Let _Red_ tell Blue that it _was_ his fault. Or wasn’t. Even if he’d regret it later, and Red knew he would, he still wanted to. He still wanted to be the one who got to decide whether the things that affected him where Blue’s fault or not, and Papyrus _took_ that from him.

He shouldn’t be angry, he knew that. Shouldn’t be angry at Papyrus, shouldn’t be angry at Blue. Maybe he shouldn’t even be angry at himself, because wasn’t feeling that way just natural? But it just messed everything up. He felt like shit, and so did Blue and eventually so did Papyrus. It wasn’t a happy time for any of them.

The good thing was, Red figured, that the mess of everything, the anxiety and anger, it had distracted him from other things. He hadn’t been upset about being stuck here for a while, hadn’t been feeling like trash for his whole situation about still wanting to go back too boss. He hadn’t thought too much about whatever was going on between him and Papyrus, just sort of letting it happen. He hadn’t even _remembered_ that one nightmare he had, until a month later.

It wasn’t even like something really _happened_ that made him remember it. He hadn’t had another one of those dreams where he just kept waking up into the next one. He hadn’t had any of his usual night terrors either, and instead just slept with no memory of dreaming anything at all.

But then they were sitting at the couch, watching TV, with Papyrus lazily smoking a cigarette since Blueberry wouldn’t be back until the next day. Red wasn’t paying attention to the TV, because it wasn’t important anyways. But he hadn’t noticed, until he noticed he hadn’t been paying attention to _anything_ at all.

Which was, when Red secretly started to freak out a little. It wasn’t unlike him to just zone out sometimes like that, it happened a lot during panic or anxiety attacks, but he didn’t recall having either of those. Instead he had just been staring at his hands, lying on his lap.

He _thought_ he was freaking out. He felt freaked out. He felt like he _should_ freak out. But the truth was that he just felt… detached. Apathetic. He didn’t feel real. He didn’t feel like he was the one inside his body right now, like he actually existed or _should_ exist.  
Maybe he was dreaming again, Red thought, and _that_ was when he started remembering that nightmare from a month ago. Maybe he was dreaming again, and if he woke up, maybe he still would be dreaming then. Because how could he tell anymore?  
  
He should be scared, and sort of in a way, he was. But again, the biggest part of him just felt not real and detached and he couldn’t really muster up to feel _really_ scared. The intent was there, but the emotion for it just wasn’t. Red couldn’t tell whether he preferred this or not. Somehow he did, but also… it just made it all the scarier.

“hey, you okay?” Papyrus sounded farther away than it should, and it took Red far too long to remember what words meant and how to react to them. But after a few seconds of delay, he glanced up at the other skeleton, staring at him blankly for a moment or two. He shook his head slowly.

“no,” he rasped. “i don’t think so.”  
He could’ve lied, but honestly, he didn’t think Papyrus would fall for it the least. Besides, what was the point?  
“shit man- do you… do you wanna talk ‘bout it?” It was easy to tell that Papyrus wanted to help but had no clue how to. Red didn’t know either. And neither did he know _what_ to talk about.

“it just doesn’t feel real,” he muttered quietly. “this. today. this day doesn’t feel real. i ‘dunno i might be dreaming. could be… i could be dreaming any time and i wouldn’t know. ain’t that fucked?”  
He wasn’t looking at Papyrus, so Red couldn’t see the way he looked down at him concerned, as a tense silence overcame them for a few moments.

“where the heck does that come from,” the taller replied, furrowing his brow. “’course you’re not asleep. then i wouldn’t be here, right?”  
“that’s easy for _you_ to say,” Red scoffed, realizing that he sounded a tad angrier than he wanted to. But he just… had expected that answer, and it pissed him off. Because what kind of bullshit answer was that? It wasn’t like Red’s fucked subconsciousness couldn’t make up a dream-Papyrus to tell him just that.

“sorry...” Papyrus mumbled, obviously catching up on the bite in Red’s voice. “it _does_ sound scary. i’m sorry, i… shit dude, i have no idea how to help you with that. is there anything i can do?”  
“you ain’t gotta help me all the time,” Red grumbled. It wasn’t like he _needed_ help. Not right now, anyway. He wasn’t feeling too bad right now, just sort of weird and wrong, but that should fade, right? Whether to the better or worse, he wasn’t sure, but it would probably fade. Honestly, right now he would probably prefer being as scared of the situation as he _should_ be, because he knew then Papyrus could help him at least a bit. Help him calm down, maybe even feel safe. But like this? Well. He figured the best way to go about this feeling was to just ignore it and try to act normal.

If he woke up and found out this was a dream, maybe he’d freak out then.

“hey, you wanna maybe move to my room?” Papyrus suggested, before their short while of silence grew uncomfortable. Red let out a short, weak whine.

“not in the mood,” he complained, surprised to hear the other laugh weakly.

“’s not what i meant. i wasn’t talkin’ bout sex. but on that note-” He broke off, gently pulling Red on his lap to give him a tender but deep kiss. The smaller was surprised, of course, but he knew Papyrus wouldn’t make any more moves on him without Red’s consent. The guy just like to smooch a lot, and hey, it wasn’t like Red was complaining there.

Papyrus’ breath was heavily mixed with the smoke of his cigarette and Red wondered if he should get into smoking. Maybe that’d help him feel better, more normal. The one time he’d smoked pot had been quite a disaster, but when _weren’t_ things that happened to Red a disaster? Besides, that was weed anyway.

“you look cute today, you know that?” Papyrus hushed quietly once he pulled off the kiss again. “feel like ya don’t realize that enou-”  
“shaddup,” Red complained, but he was smiling weakly. He hated it when Papyrus would shower him with senseless compliments, he never knew how to reply or react to them, and every time the other would get a laugh at how flustered Red would become. But it also made him feel maybe a tad better about himself. It made him feel warm and fuzzy inside, and maybe it just wasn’t _all_ bad.

“anyway,” Papyrus laughed. “so whaddya say? shall we get to my room, hit the sheets? just you ‘n me and the mattress...”  
“you’re talkin’ ‘bout a nap, right?” Red clarified, still a tad unsure. “just sleeping all day ‘cause sans’ gone and you’re too lazy to move at all, right?”  
“bingo.”  
“welp,” Red sighed relenting. “sign me the fuck up, then.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i sorta wanted to bring that up again, the dream thing, just so it wont be all forgotten forever  
> idk if im gonna go any deeper into it anymore, probably not in this fic, but when/if i write a sequel i'll probably dig it back up there  
> this whole fic is a bit of a mess and i apologize for that, but, eh  
> no idea how to go on about for the next few chapters, but i'll wing it somehow


	29. I’M SURE YOU’RE EXCITED

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> when i planned this chapter i thought it was gonna be WAY too short for sure and how am i gonna do this?? it'll be so short or i'll have to add something else which would ruin it tho and UGH  
> turns out it was twice as much as my regular chapters  
> WELP

The three of them hadn’t eaten dinner together at the table in a while. Or even breakfast or lunch, or just spent a lot of time together in general. It was just that either Papyrus would be at one of his many jobs or Blue would be at training with Undyne or Red would be busy working on the machine to get it to work again. And maybe, Red sometimes thought distinctly, maybe it was also still that Red and Blue were avoiding each other. Not purposely, they didn’t _want_ to. It just… happened. It was like a weak instinct they ended up following without wanting to. But in a way it was just easier to avoid each other, than to spend more uncomfortable time together to get used to each other again.

That’s it. They just weren’t _used_ to being too close anymore. In theory they were, of course. Red didn’t hold much of a grudge, he knew Blue never meant to hurt him. He realized and accepted that he wouldn’t do it again, either, not on purpose. But they just were too used of being wary of each other. Of being uncomfortable, sad, upset, angry, what-not. He wasn’t even sure how Blue felt in that situation. Heck, maybe this was only Red’s problem. Maybe Blueberry was all up and about on hanging out with him again, but Red just _wasn’t ready._ And probably wouldn’t be, ever. Because this was not a thing that he could grow more accustomed to by thinking about it. He had to _do_ it. He had to sit down and spend more time with his double to get used to it again. To grow to trust him again, more than just theoretically.

So he relented when Papyrus asked him to join them for dinner that evening. He hadn’t wanted to, originally. He was so deeply focused on his work at the machine, and it always took him a bit to get into that zone again once he broke it off. But Red thought that he should probably spend that time with them. Frankly, he wouldn’t be able to do it a lot more often.

“i… fixed the machine,” the universe-foreign skeleton muttered a little awkwardly. They were eating tacos again, of course, but Red didn’t exactly feel like eating at all right now. He was just absently playing with the food in his fingers, being careful to not spill the ingredients.  
He was nervous to see their reaction and therefore took a moment before finally looking up from his hands to the other two skeletons. He realized then, that his nervousness had been, for once, justified. Taken by surprise, they both looked at him shocked, maybe even sad. For a moment, that was, before Papyrus glanced away from Red to glare at his food and Blue opted to give him a not very convincing smile.

“WOWZERS!! THAT’S AWESOME,” he said, acting like he didn’t notice the way his voice shook a little. “YOU’VE BEEN WORKING ON THAT OLD THING FOR… HOW LONG NOW?”  
“three months or so,” Red mumbled. “maybe four.” He’d lost track about a week into being stuck in this universe, if he was being honest. He only remembered time was passing, once he noticed the calendar in their house moving on to the next month. So that was all he was able to go by.

“do you, uh… know what the machine does, sans?” His double’s happy visage faltered a little at the question. Of course he did. He wasn’t sure when, but somehow Papyrus always managed to fill Blue in on all the things when Red wasn’t around. He never talked to Blue about them himself, but he noticed by the way the other wasn’t confused at all when they started talking about universes. About the fact Red was working on a mysterious machine, or even when the trauma of his past affected Red. Maybe he should be upset at Papyrus about spilling the beans of his past to Blueberry, but he wasn’t really. He was living with the guy, and he somewhat deserved to know, and Red was just… too tired to tell him everything himself. So he was glad Papyrus filled him in whenever he thought he needed to.

He would probably stop, too, if Red asked him to.

“IT BRINGS YOU BACK TO YOUR HOM- TO YOUR UNIVERSE,” Blue replied under his breath. “PAPY TOLD ME. I’M SURE YOU’RE EXCITED TO FINALLY BE ABLE TO GO BACK!”

“yea…” He wasn’t, really. He _should_ be, he knew. And he still _wanted_ to go back. He felt _something._ Something positive, something… fulfilling. He was _done_ finally. He had finished the machine and could go back, as far as everything would work as calculated. He wasn’t stuck anymore. He didn’t need to worry about his brother anymore, because he could _go back._

But he wasn’t excited. Not about leaving. He didn’t _want_ to leave, and a part of him desperately tried to convince him he didn’t _need_ to. But he couldn’t _ever_ abandon his brother. Every fiber of his being screamed at the thought and he already felt too bad for having left him alone for so long.

Red had thought, at one point, maybe he could bring boss here. Maybe they could live here, together, happily. But he knew his brother wasn’t fit for this universe. Sans _hated_ his own universe. He hated his life and the people in it, minus boss, and he hated every single day and minute of it. But boss didn’t. Boss didn’t mind the killing, the hostility. He didn’t mind that they practically lived in a form of anarchy, where the stronger killed the weaker and laws were only a fancy name to justify the top-tiers’ murderous ruling.

Of course he wouldn’t mind it. Boss _was_ one of the top-tiers. He was on almost the tip of the food pyramid, right underneath the royal couple. No one would or _could_ mess with him, not without having to live without a limb or two, if they survived at all.  
Red couldn’t imagine his brother adjusting to a new life, in which he _couldn’t_ kill anyone who dared to speak a word against him. In which he _wasn’t_ suddenly an adored and feared figure, and people would probably look at him weird or maybe laugh. If Red would bring boss here, he couldn’t assure anyone that it would be safe. In fact, it probably wouldn’t be. People would die. The realization hit Red cold and hard.

If he’d bring his brother here, he’d _kill_ someone. He’d probably get angry and kill everyone in Snowdin, because he had anger issues and he’d grown up knowing nothing else but killing and surviving, and also he was an _asshole._ Boss was a sadistic piece of shit that _enjoyed_ killing. That enjoyed seeing others in pain and in fear.

He couldn’t bring boss into this universe. So Red’s only option was to go back to his’.

“you don’t have to go back,” Papyrus eventually said. His voice was quiet and Red almost hadn’t even heard him. He did, though, and let out a sigh.

“dude- c’mon,” he groaned stressed. “we’ve gone through this already.”  
“but-” Papyrus looked up finally, glancing at Red desperately. “it’s _better_ here, isn’t it? things just- things _just_ gotten good again, red. why would you want to go back to _him._ to your _abus-_ ”  
“because i _love_ him, god damn it!” Red didn’t need to be angry, he knew that very well. Papyrus wasn’t trying to upset him, he was just worried or something like that. But he just _hated_ it. Red hated having to justify himself over and over and _over_ again. Why was it so hard to understand? “he’s my _brother!_ no matter- no _fucking_ matter what he does or _will_ do to me.”  
“b-but-”  
“ _PAPY._ ” Blue warned, seeming to sense the situation better than Papyrus did. The taller shot him an irritated glance, before glaring back at Red.

“what about _me_?” He spat. He didn’t sound as desperate and sad anymore, but instead angry. Red faltered a bit. “ok i- i _get_ you don’t want to abandon your brother, but what about _us?_ about _me?_ ‘s just fucking _all right_ with you to abandon _us_?!”  
“PAPYRUS, DON’T BE A JERK.”

“did you _ever_ stop to think for a moment how _i’ll_ feel?” Papyrus was glaring at him with an intensity that Red couldn’t hold for long. He glanced away, suddenly feeling guilty, because _no._ Of _course_ he hadn’t. Somewhere in this stupid dense skull of his’, Red just never considered to think about how Papyrus and Blueberry would feel. Not as long as it wouldn’t’ve affected him.

But in the end, would that change anything? _Not really,_ Red realized. He didn’t want to leave the two in first place, so all it did was hurt _more._ But no matter how much the thought of leaving those two hurt, he just… _couldn’t_ abandon his brother with a good conscience.  
“i’m… sorry,” Red croaked, slumping in his chair. He almost jumped a little at the sudden noise of a chair getting pushed back on the floor, foot steps approaching him. He flinched back, eyes widening in terror as he looked back up, a shocking, _disgusting_ part of him sure that he was going to get hit.

Blue stopped in his tracks as soon as he noticed Red’s reaction. “I’M SORRY, I...”  
“no! no, no it’s okay,” Red blabbered quickly, because for _fucks_ sake, he wasn’t _supposed_ to be scared anymore! “it’s okay. ‘s okay, not scared, just… reflex.”  
Blue seemed to relax again, but didn’t seem happy. He slowly extended his arms as he gathered Red up in an embrace, light enough for the other to escape easily if he wanted to. Red didn’t want to. While taken by surprise, he didn’t take too long to reciprocate the gesture.  
“what are you-”  
“IT’S OKAY, SANS,” Blue said soothingly, before Red could finish his question. “IT’S A TOUGH DECISION TO MAKE. TO CHOOSE BETWEEN LOVED ONES.” Some small part in Red wanted to complain at the choice of his words, but he didn’t. He wasn’t ready yet, to call his’ and his brother’s doubles _loved ones_ , but he wasn’t going to interrupt. “BUT NO MATTER WHAT YOU CHOOSE, WE’LL ALWAYS SUPPORT YOU.”  
“’t wasn’t a _choice_ to begin with,” Red mumbled weakly into Blue’s shoulder. He could sense Papyrus watching them quietly, but didn’t dare to look up at him. “i _always_ knew i had to get back to boss.”  
“THAT’S OKAY, TOO.” Blue told him softly. He leaned away from the embrace again to look at Red, and Red could see the small beginnings of tears forming in the corners of Blue’s eye sockets. “I’M SORRY, JUST-” He quickly wiped them away, a weak, pathetic laugh escaping him. “I’M GOING TO MISS YOU, RED. WE _BOTH_ ARE, BUT THAT DOESN’T MEAN WE’RE NOT SUPPORTING YOUR DECISION. _RIGHT,_ PAPY?”  
Papyrus held Blue’s stern glare for a moment, before glancing away frowning. He didn’t say a word and Blue groaned, stomping his foot on the ground frustrated. If it wouldn’t be for the sadness in the air, Red would’ve probably gotten a laugh at that display.

“DON’T BE CHILDISH, PAPY! WE CAN’T FORCE HIM TO STAY. WE _ESPECIALLY_ CAN’T GUILT TRIP HIM TO STAY.”  
“i-i wasn’t-!!”  
“CAN YOU JUST, FOR _ONCE,_ TRY TO IMAGINE WHAT IT MUST BE LIKE FOR RED? TO BE STUCK IN A FOREIGN UNIVERSE? WITHOUT HIS SIBLING?” He’d never heard Blue that serious before, not when he was scolding someone. He sounded almost angry, yet not… in the scary kind of way. Just, in the dad kind of way, that made you feel guilty for disappointing someone who believed in you so much, no matter what.

Papyrus’ frown shifted to something looking more guilty rather than upset as he muttered, “’m sorry,” under his breath.  
“DON’T TELL _ME_ THAT, BROTHER.” Blue stressed. He had turned toward Papyrus during his lecture, but was still with one arm entangled with Red from the embrace. The foreign skeleton gave him a little tug.

“’s alright,” he mumbled under his breath. “’s not like he’s wrong.”  
“ _no,_ red, sans’ right.” Papyrus disagreed, and everything was just sort of a mess, wasn’t it. He didn’t even know who was on who’s side anymore. “i was being a dick. i’m… sorry. it’s already gotta be hard enough for you, i shouldn’t… make it even harder.”  
Red noticed the way Blue gave him an encouraging thumbs up, but not the way the small skeleton continued it with a small circling hand motion, telling Papyrus’ to go on. Papyrus however did, and rubbed the back of his neck nervously.  
“i’m gonna miss ya a lot, red,” he continued hesitantly. “i… like you a lot. l-like, i love you, okay? and i thought- i actually… had hoped we could be a thing. a, uh. couple.”  
Red frowned at him in disbelief. He wasn’t angry at Papyrus or anything, he was just… he was _upset._ Because the second Papyrus said it out loud, he could feel his soul give a painful twinge and he _wanted_ this. He wanted what Papyrus just told him he wanted, but they _couldn’t have it._

Blue had retracted from Red, their arms no longer locked together, but he was gently rubbing his side, as if offering him some sort of emotional comfort. As if Papyrus was currently delivering him some bad, heavy news, which he honestly in a way was.  
“papyrus, i-”  
“it’s ok.” Papyrus interrupted him with a small, sad smile. “really, it’s ok. i’m not holding it against you or anything, if you still choose to leave, but… i just thought it was fair to let you know.”  
“i’m _sorry,_ ” Red whined, because god damn he was. “i- i didn’t _want_ this to hurt so much! i shouldn’t- shouldn’t’ve-”  
“YOU DID NOTHING WRONG, SANS,” Blue told him gently. “GOODBYE’S ARE ALWAYS SAD. IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT.”  
“you’re acting like i’m leaving _now,_ ” Red grumbled, wiping a tear from his face.

“well, when did ya want to leave?” Papyrus asked gently. He had gotten up from his seat now to walk up to Red and put an arm around him in comfort.

Red suppressed a small sob. “h-honestly? tomorrow...” He could clearly see that the two of them were disappointed in the little amount of time left, but they weren’t complaining anymore. Which Red was more than glad about. He didn’t think he could bring himself to leave if he’d stay for much longer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're getting close to the end FOR REAL NOW guys
> 
> i want to change the fic title once i finish the last chapter bc i dont really like this one, but i have no ideas for good, fitting titles? any suggestions??


	30. with sans in the next room?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was surprisingly harder to write than expected and also ended on a completely different note than i wanted to???  
> enjoy
> 
> *sexual content warning for this chapter*

The three of them had stayed up until late into the night, watching movies and anime and talking. None of them were ready to call it a day, scared of that it’ll be the last of the three of them together. Papyrus and Red had eventually decided to head to bed when Blue had passed out of exhaustion on the couch next to them. The taller gently carried his brother into his room, while Red headed to Papyrus’ to wait there for him. He still preferred to sleep alone at times, and Papyrus room never really had turned into ‘their’ room or anything, but if there’d be any time where Red couldn’t sleep alone, it was today.

Papyrus, fortunately, didn’t seem to mind at all. He was a little surprised to see Red sitting on the mattress, waiting for him, but he looked relieved too and gently closed the door behind him.

“hey,” he began softly as he walked up to Red to gather him up and hold him closely. His smile was weak, but Red could tell it was the most genuine one he’d gotten throughout most of this evening so far.

“hey,” Red replied as he buried his face in the crook of Papyrus’ neck. His smell was familiar and made Red feel warm and safe. He felt _so_ safe, and it was _still_ so foreign to him. He’d lose that soon. The safety. He’d have to convert back to being on the edge all the time, to be on the lookout at any given moment.

“’m gonna miss you,” Papyrus mumbled, voice muffled by the way he was pressing his face into the fluff of Red’s jacket. "don't wanna let go of you."

Red chuckled weakly, sadly, as he rubbed the other's back. "c'mon, don't make it harder than it is," he said, trying to force some humor or optimism into his voice. But he knew exactly Papyrus was only making it as hard as it already was.

The taller squeezed him a bit tighter for a moment, before he lead their heads to look at each other. Papyrus wasn't smiling anymore as he looked at him wrecked with fear and sadness. It wiped Red's own half-assed grin off his face. But only for a second, until Papyrus pulled him into a deep kiss. Red made a noise of surprise, but quickly melted into it. It was only a matter of seconds for them both to summon their tongues and let them dance and mingle wildly. Papyrus was already leading Red to lie back on the bed.

"i love you," the taller breathed out the second he had pulled off the kiss, only to pepper Red's face with smaller kisses and nips. "i love you so fucking much."

Red didn't answer, didn't need to or know what to say anyway. He just moaned quietly as he felt Papyrus' hand slipping under his sweater. His long, thin phalanges trailed along the sides of Red's ribs, making the smaller shiver at the touch. _God_ , his touches were _so light_ , yet they felt _so damn good_. How did Papyrus do it? He didn't know, didn't care right now either.

A surprised groan escaped him, as he felt a knee push against his crotch.

"wait!" He snapped quickly. Papyrus stopped immediately, looking down at Red in confusion and, maybe, a bit of fear and hurt. "w-wait, what about- what about sans? he'll hear us."

Papyrus sighed visibly. "not if we're quiet he won't," he slurred quickly, moving his mouth to suck along the exposed part of Red's vertebrae above his dog collar. He moved his hand from Red’s ribs down to gently palm at his crotch, which was already beginning to tent a little.

“h-hah, _paps_ -”  
“you want me to stop?” His voice was lower, deeper than usual and his breath felt hot against Red’s neck. The smaller shook his head.

“no! n-no i can be quiet,” he said quickly. After a hum of agreement, he could feel Papyrus’ teeth slowly beginning to nibble at his vertebrae. Teeth scratching against Bone, and Red found himself breathing a tad more heavily than he wanted to as slight panic started to rise up in him. He smothered it down quickly, reminding himself that he was safe. That Papyrus wouldn’t hurt him.

Once Papyrus stopped his ministrations around the smaller’s neck, much to Red’s relief. he carefully began peeling the jacket off of Red. When that turned out to be a lot more complicated than expected, with Red lying with his back on the mattress and Papyrus straddling him, they opted to let Red take his sweater off himself. Meanwhile Papyrus did the same with his hoodie, both clothing articles quickly landing on the floor beside them. As Red could see the way Papyrus was eyeing him, already with so much lust in them, together with something deeper, something _affectionate,_ which he knew Papyrus would call love, the smaller skeleton could feel the anxiety finally start to drift off. He moved his hands towards Papyrus’ rib cage slowly, but took a firm grip around two of the lower ribs. The taller’s breath hitched a little.

"so we're actually doin' this, huh?" Red asked, a small smirk on his face. "with sans in the next room? can't say i expected that from yo-"

A mouth met his' and quickly their tongues shot past their teeth, lapping against each other, twirling together. Red threw his arms around Papyrus, one around his neck and the other around his back, a single finger stroking along the ribs that met there. He loved the way Papyrus shivered slightly under his touch, the effect he had on him.

Papyrus own hand was trailing along Red’s spine, digging gently into the spaces between them. It sent small shocks of pleasure through Red’s bones and he let out a fairly loud groan. Immediately he covered his mouth with a hand, staring up at Papyrus wide eyed in shock.

“ _shit_ ,” he cursed, eyes darting between the wall leading to Blue’s room and the tall skeleton above him. But said skeleton just laughed calmly, brushing the hand out of Red’s face before he kissed him.

“don’t worry,” he purred. “i bet he didn’t hear a thing. just keep your voice down from now on, a’right?”  
Red gave an eager nod and Papyrus hummed pleased. “good boy.” Red shivered at the nickname, a small sigh escaping him. He noticed the long, slim fingers trailing back down his spine again, up until they arrived at his pelvis, stroking the edge of it lightly. Pressing a hand against his teeth again, he let out another, low sigh.

“can i?” Papyrus uttered out. For a moment Red blinked at him in confusion, until he could feel fingers tug gently on the waistband of his shorts.

“yea, of _course,_ ” Red grunted with a hint of amusement in his voice. That’s what they were doing after all, making out, steering towards sex. At least with his understanding. But Papyrus checked in anyways, made sure Red was okay. Whether he did so for Red or out of his own insecurity was beyond the small skeleton, but he didn’t care much either. He just appreciated it. Appreciated that he still gave Red an out, because he’s _never_ had one before. Not with boss, not with any of the clients boss had sold him out to, not ever in his whole life back in his old universe.

Papyrus gave him an appreciative smile, before tugging off the shorts, boxers inclusive, freeing Red’s erection. He let out a long, high pitched whine, muffled through his hand, as he felt fingers stroke gently over his shaft.

“babe.” Papyrus’ voice was barely more than a whisper, but so close against his skull that Red could almost _feel_ the word vibrating through him. A finger prodded gently against the slit of his cock. “baby?”  
“wh- _hah!_ y-yeah…?” Red asked a little breathlessly. Between the ministrations and trying his best to keep quiet, which was tough since with Papyrus he just couldn’t keep his voice down, Red’s mind was buzzing trying to catch up on even more.  
“could you form me an entrance?”  
Red could’ve almost missed the surprised grunt, or the clatter of bones as he, accidentally or not, kicked Papyrus off of him and off the bed, scrambling into the corner where it stood against the wall quicker than he would’ve thought was possible. His mind was buzzing in panic.

“ _no!_ ” He screeched, louder than intended. He felt so exposed suddenly, and the way Papyrus stared at him, eyes wide in shock, just made it _so much worse._ He grabbed for the blanked they’d been lying on top of before, quickly covering himself up as best as he could. “no! no, no, nonono, _please_!”  
Red noticed his mistake too late, when he could hear footsteps approaching from the hallway.

“red, what’s wro-”  
“IS EVERYTHING ALRIGHT???” Blueberry’s voice boomed through the room as he barged the door open, almost scaring Papyrus out of his metaphorical skin. “I HEARD A CRASH, IS EVERYTHING O...KAY….” He trailed off once he assessed the situation, his face suddenly lighting up in a bright blue blush. “OH GOD. I’M SORRY!!!” He screeched embarrassed, covering his face as he turned around, but not leaving the room yet. “B-BUT REALLY. IS EVERYTHING ALRIGHT?”

“i… don’t know?” Papyrus admitted dumbfound. Red saw the way Blue slowly slid his hands off his face again, glancing shyly towards the scene again. It only took seconds before he caught Red’s terrified expression.

“HEY… SANS? ARE YOU ALRIGHT?”

“i-i...” Red swallowed, a heavy lump stuck in his throat. What the hell was he doing? Why was he freaking out so bad? Papyrus had just _asked._ Red could’ve refused. He could’ve just said no, calmly, and then things would’ve gone on okay.

It had just hit too close to home, and the second Red thought of Papyrus being inside of thing, everything in his body _screamed._ He didn’t want that, he didn’t want that, it _hurt_ so much. It hurt and it left him filthy and disgusting and it was _wrong_. It was _wrong_ and Red _hated_ it.

“i think i found a trigger by accident,” Papyrus muttered, almost too low for Red to hear. He figured he was talking to Blue, but wasn’t entirely sure. “god, i feel so awful.”  
“SANS, DO YOU NEED ANYTHING? DO YOU NEED SPACE? SOMETHING TO DRINK?” There was so much concern in their voices. Red _knew_ neither of them meant any harm. He _knew_ Papyrus didn’t know he’d freak out. Didn’t think Red would react negatively at all. It wasn’t _his_ fault. It was Red’s. It was his own fault, his own and he shouldn’t make _them_ feel bad for it.

“n-no i’m fine,” Red croaked out, a small weak smile on his face. “i’d just… like some clothes and uh… s-sleep for now.”  
The concern on their faces didn’t wear off, but Blue gave a short nod, before placing a hand on Papyrus’ arm.  
“I’M GOING TO GO BACK TO MY ROOM THEN, IS THAT ALRIGHT?” He asked, addressing both his brother and Red.

“of course. sorry for worrying you,” Papyrus muttered, as Red only gave a small nod as an answer. Blue left again, telling them to not feel bad about it and wishing them a good night. The they were alone again, Papyrus placed a hand on his face, letting out a sighed groan. He quickly dug through his closet to get a light shirt and some shorts for Red to sleep in.

“...thanks,” the small skeleton mumbled, hesitantly putting the clothes on. “i’m… sorry for freaking out. ‘m sorry for ruining this, _fuck._ ”  
“no, god no. it’s okay. _i’m_ sorry, but it’s okay. you’re okay now, right?” Red gave a short nod. “c-can i… can i hold you? please?” Papyrus asked, and Red considered it. He _wanted_ to say yes. But his bones still crawled with disgust and filth from the thought of what _could’ve_ been, what _had_ been in a different universe, and he didn’t want to be touched. Not like this.

Red didn’t answer though, the words got stuck in his throat as he saw the hurt in Papyrus’ expression. But he didn’t _have_ to answer for Papyrus to catch up on his decision, considering the terror that still rested in Red’s eyes.

“ok…,” the taller sighed out, turning away from Red to hug himself lightly. “i’m sorry. i didn’t… _mean_ to make you feel that way. you know that, right?”  
“yea...” Red croaked out tiredly.

“do you still want to sleep here…?”  
“yea,” he repeated. Papyrus tension seemed to relax a bit at that, and he gave Red a weak smile, before the two of them finally went to bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. i wasnt sure whether i mentioned boss selling red as a whore to others before or not, but i sorta had it in the back of my mind for a while, so??? yea  
> 2\. i actually wanted this to end in sweet careful sex and happy times but hey, lets just fuck everything up even more amirite  
> 3\. vaguely 3-5 chapters left, two of which'll (possibly) be a short intermission right before the end and a short epilogue  
> 4\. IF I WOULD'VE ENDED IT WITH THIS CHAPTER, THE FIC WOULD'VE HAD EXACTLY 30 CHAPTERS/100 PAGES, I'M A BIT UPSET  
> that would've been so rad :c


	31. i'll see you guys soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tad shorter than usually, but therefore i'll post the (really short) intermission immediately after that

It took Red an hour or two to manage to fully set the machine up, coordinates and all. He had no idea, of course, what coordinates would lead back to his universe or how to find out, but there had been a code in the blueprints back in his own universe. He’d tried to figure it’s meaning out often enough, that the series of numbers were practically burned into his memory. They had the exact same length and format as the coordinates the machine asked for, and while he didn’t know whether they lead to his universe or whichever place the previous owner of the machine wanted to go to, it was the best shot he had.

Both Papyrus and Blue had taken the day off for today, asking if they could accompany Red while setting up the machine. Usually Red would’ve easily said no, he preferred to work by himself, getting into the zone with no distraction. And adding last nights events to that, it surprised Red himself when he ended up agreeing anyway. But he was _leaving,_ for fucks sake. He might never see them again after today. So he honestly couldn’t _bring_ himself to say no.

On retrospect, that was probably why he’d taken so long to set the machine up in first place. He’d willingly let himself get distracted, chatting about all sorts of things or trying to explain Blue what he was doing if the other got curious. It was nice actually, and he didn’t mind the distraction or company for once, scared of what’ll happen when he’d finish it.

But he did, eventually. And almost immediately the mood sank significantly.

“SO...” It was Blue to talk first, his voice hesitant but obviously trying to sound optimistic. “THIS IS IT?”  
“seems like it,” Red replied, his voice holding the same kind of fake optimism. Papyrus let out a strangled noise between a groan and a whine, as he glanced away frowning. Red could see his hands tensing into fists and figured that he needed a moment before he could say goodbye.

“YOU’RE… GOING TO VISIT AGAIN SOME TIME, AREN’T YOU?” Blue knew the answer to that, of course. They’d talked about it some time ago and Red had thought about it. But universe hopping wasn’t exactly some willy-nilly thing he could do whenever he wanted to without a second thought. Especially not if he’s got boss breathing down his neck. He wasn’t ready to _ever_ tell boss about the machine, and there was no way he was going to allow Red to just disappear like that again, if at all.

Which brought him to his second point on why he couldn’t just promise visiting again. He had no idea if boss would even let him live. He didn’t want to think about it, but Red had to expect that his brother was going to punish, if not even kill him, once he’d get back. And if he wouldn’t die then, who knew how long he’d survive in general? His universe was still a shithole dystopia and he was still a 1 HP monster.

“yea, sure. whenever i got time,” Red pretended anyway. Blue knew the truth, but he shot him a weak, glad smile anyway. It was better than admitting the facts.

“red...” Papyrus finally mumbled out. Immediately Red spun his head towards him, only to find that Papyrus was still avoiding his gaze. He tried to read his expression, and what he found was sadness, hurt and fear. Red felt heavy with guilt, but managed to walk up to him, wrapping his arms around the taller’s waist and burying his face in his hoodie.

“you’re so insane for doing this,” Papyrus muttered as he brought his arms around Red tightly. “for going back. so stupid.”  
“’m sorry,” Red replied weakly, not sure what else to say. He _was_ sorry. And Papyrus was right. But he had to go back, he’s come so far already.

“i love you, red- no, _sans._ ” He left a couple of light kisses on the crown of Red’s skull. “i love you so much. god, _shit._ i’m a mess, sorry.” He retracted himself from Red again, as he let out a weak, watery laugh.

Red couldn’t laugh with him. he wanted to reply somehow, reciprocate his feelings, but he couldn’t quite. He was scared and unsure and had never loved anyone but boss before. He could lie, of course, for Papyrus’ sake. But somehow he couldn’t put it right with his conscience if he did so. Papyrus didn’t deserve to be lied to, even if it was a white lie. And, maybe, Red didn’t deserve to have to lie about something like that.

“just… don’t let yourself get killed, a’right? you sure don’t want that taser?”

Red laughed weakly, rubbing the back of his neck. “think i’d be better off without one. i’ll be fine, don’t worry.”  
“YOU’RE GOING TO DO GREAT,” Blue quickly chirped in. “ _YOU’RE_ GREAT. DON’T LET ANYONE EVER TELL YOU OTHERWISE, ALRIGHT? YOU’RE GREAT AND YOU’RE STRONG.”  
Red laughed again awkwardly, resuming to rubbing the back of his neck as he wasn’t sure how to reply at all. Feeling a hand on his shoulder, he stirred.

“he’s right,” Papyrus told him, before pulling him close for a gentle kiss. “you’re great, you’re strong, and beautiful at that. also stubborn.”

A chuckle escaped Red at the last bit, gently squirming out of Papyrus’ grip. “thank you,” he sighed with a small smile. “both of you.”

He was surprised when his double suddenly tackled him into a tight hug. Hesitantly at first, Red wrapped his arms around him. He could feel Blue starting to slightly shake around him.

“WE’RE GOING TO MISS YOU,” he said, his voice somehow not giving away at all the fact that he was either crying or about to cry. “YOU’RE LOVED SANS. WE LOVE YOU. PLEASE BE SAFE.”

“i-i’ll do my best,” Red replied, his voice starting to shake a little, trying not to start crying himself. He felt Blue moving in his grip to retract himself from the hug again, but stopped when their eyes met again. And much to Red’s surprise, his doppelganger suddenly leaned in close, teeth pressing against Red’s. He moved away again hardly a second later, but his cheeks were dusted in a light blue as he stepped back.

“SORRY.”  
Red didn’t reply, _couldn’t_ as he was sort of shocked about that reaction. But he felt uncomfortable just standing there staring, so he threw a quick glance towards Papyrus, whom didn’t seem perturbed at all, then turned around to face the machine, hitting a few buttons. The thing started whirring, a couple of lights blinking on and off, indicating Red that it was working. And then there was a portal.

It was almost exactly like you’d imagine one. Just a weird hole in time and space, vaguely shaped like a circle but not wholly. He couldn’t see his universe through the hole, but instead just saw blackness. No, less than that. He saw nothing. Just pure nothing. It was strange to look at, but for some reason didn’t feel as wrong or scary as it probably should. And instead it seemed… friendly. Safe. Inviting. Red _wanted_ to step in there. And he was going to.

“this’ll be me,” he announced, shyly turning towards the brothers again. “thank you for… everything really. i… i’ll miss ya g-guys. oh crap.” He was starting to cry now, tears already running down his cheeks as he laughed tensely. It wasn’t a happy laugh. He wasn’t going to see them again. _Ever._ This was a goodbye.

“WE’LL MISS YOU TOO.”  
“fuck, red, we’ll never forget you.”

He wasn’t looking at them anymore, hands covering his eyesockets, desperately trying to stop the flow of tears. But he didn’t have to see them to tell that they were crying, too. He had to go now, or he wouldn’t be able to leave them at all.

“i...” His throat felt thick. Instead of facing them again, Red turned around towards the portal, unable to look at them anymore. “i’ll see you guys soon.”

“red, wait...” He heard Papyrus mutter behind him, but ignored it. He had to go. Red stepped through the portal.

“wait- wait! _sans!_ ”  
It wasn’t dark in the portal, or bright either. It was just nothing. No sound, no light, no sense of feeling. He lost consciousness immediately.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so tell me  
> did i manage to make anyone cry?


	32. Intermission

Life didn’t stop after Sans disappeared. To be honest, the first few nights Sans hadn’t come home, Papyrus hadn’t even given it a second thought. It didn’t happen too rarely that his brother would spend the night god-knows-where and would come home at four-fucking-am reeking of cheap alcohol and grease. Sans hated his guts, and Papyrus hated Sans’, so the two enjoyed every second they got apart from each other.

He hadn’t started giving it a thought until Sans had been missing for almost two weeks. Yes, Sans often spent time away from their shared home, but it was _rarely_ that long. He was still a 1 HP monster after all and probably couldn’t survive for long on his own. He was _dependent_ on Papyrus, he knew that as well as Papyrus knew it. _That_ was why he kept coming back. _That_ was why Papyrus even let his disgrace of a brother leave the house in first place.

But Sans didn’t come back. By the time Papyrus realized something must be wrong, he already figured it was too late. He’d been missing for three weeks, which meant that Sans either had actually gotten a new hiding place, away from Papyrus, or that he’d gotten dusted. The taller skeleton would bet every one of his gold coins on that it was the latter. In fact, the second the thought stroke him, he was just _so_ convinced that was the case. As if he _knew_ it was the truth.

Truth be told, Papyrus denied it at first. Had spent in denial for another week, before he finally accepted that _Sans wasn’t going to come back._ He was _gone._ For _good._

If he could have, Papyrus would’ve broken down then and there. Sleeping suddenly sounded really nice. Just all day, doing nothing at all, not leave the house or the bed. It was a strong, painful need that overcame him, but a brief one. Papyrus was the _Captain of the Royal Guard._ He _couldn’t_ fall down over something so stupid. So he didn’t. He refused.

He continued his work as a guardsman with new vigor. In fact, without his nuisance of a brother to take care of he managed to get done a lot more. He didn’t need breaks or sleep in first place, and now he didn’t need to get home at the end of the day either, because who would be waiting for him there? No one! So instead Papyrus decided to work. Night and day. He went on patrols, tax duties, hunted down traitors, criminals, suspects.

He used to work together with Guardsman Undyne, the two of them making an extremely powerful team that completed each other in complexity, brute and speed. But unlike Papyrus, Undyne needed sleep. So after three nights of working through, the fish monster got fed up with him and called it quits. The two worked alone now.

He worked better alone. Faster. Had every person he had been somewhat close to been slowing him down? He had never realized before. He should’ve gotten rid of them years ago. He was sure that if he had, he’d have climbed the latter so far by now that he’d have a special spot at the royal table.

Papyrus realized quickly that the more time he spent alone, cutting himself off from society, aside from the occasional times he would have to execute someone, the easier it got for him to forget about his brothers disappearance. He would only sometimes cross along the many cliffs around waterfall, pondering whether he’d be able to find Sans’ remains at the bottom of those. Would only rarely wonder if the unfamiliar dust spread almost everywhere around the underground would include his brother’s.

He didn’t care anymore. Didn’t care about the fact that his brother had abandoned him- No. That he had failed his brother. Failed to protect him. Failed to give him the safety Sans had promised to give Papyrus when they had just been a pair of lost monsters on the streets.

None of that mattered anymore. He had wanted to get rid of Sans for so long, and finally he had. He was supposed to be happy, right? He was. He was happy. The emptiness in his soul meant that he was finally free from his burden of a brother.

He’d never have to see him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just have been informed that this Intermission has a **huge** continuity error:  
>  I accidentally brought Undyne back from the dead
> 
> this is a really big one, guys, so I'm gonna need some time to think of a way to fix it so for now we unfortunately have Fell Papyrus with Zombie Undyne as ex-partner in crime  
> i hope you can forgive this silly old lady


	33. Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wanted to post this yesterday, for halloween, but i wrote 3000 words and then got too tired  
> it's 3 times as long as my regular chapters

Red woke up shaking. Living in Snowdin almost his entire life, he was used to the cold, didn’t mind it in most cases. But falling asleep in the snow probably made even the most thick furred monsters freeze up. And Red didn’t even have any fur.

Why was he sleeping in the _snow_ in first place? Not even Red would be careless enough as to fall asleep on patrol, and if it’d be his sentry post he’d at least have the comfort of the wooden station blocking off the icy wind. And he could feel the wind gnawing at his bones, so that probably couldn’t be the case either.

Besides, he hadn’t been on patrol or at his station in a while. That’s right. He wasn’t in his universe anymore, he was with Papyrus and Blueberry. Or he had been at least. Hadn’t he gone back?  
Red snapped his eyes open, jolting up in the snow. He was in the thick of Snowdin forest. He knew that place, it was a bit off the path between the large door and his station. The last time he’d been here was when he woke up in the other universe. So… had it worked?

Red jumped up soundlessly like a startled cat, when he heard a groan coming from his right. And it’d been close, far too close for comfort. Expecting the worst, Red quickly summoned a bone construct, posing in a fighting stance that was almost meant to be more intimidating than anything else.

“ugh...crap,” a voice groaned again, before a lump of snow gave free to the shifting figure underneath. Papyrus’ bright, orange hoodie stood out like a sore tooth.

Red let out a string of curses as he dropped the bone to the ground, letting it dissipate into waste magic. “what the shit are you doing here?” he asked, maybe a tad more demanding or angry than what was fair. “did it- d-did the machine not work?”

Papyrus must’ve just woken up, because the way he moved up and looked around, slowly, indicated that he had little idea of what was going on himself. He stared at Red blankly for a short bit, before finally shaking his head.

“i… uh, i followed you.” Suddenly all the anger from earlier seemed more than justified.

“what the hell!” Red hissed under his breath. “why would you do that!? do you have _any_ idea how dangerous that is!?” He didn’t miss the way Papyrus flinched almost as if he’d been struck, but Red refused to feel bad. Not when the other had done something as careless and dangerous as to _follow him here._

“i… i _do_ have an idea, for a matter of fact!” Papyrus shot back ready to continue, but, while he didn’t exactly shout, is voice still sounded too loud, too shrill in Red’s skull. Startled by both that as well as his own reaction, Red tackled Papyrus to the ground, hands covering his teeth as he knelt on the taller’s chest. It took him a moment to realize what he was doing, that he was _hurting_ Papyrus with the pressure he put on him, but the second he saw the shock and confusion in his eyes, Red backed off almost violently so.

“i-i’m-” _sorry_ , Red bit back. “y’can’t- you gotta be quiet, pap, _please._ ” He was angry still, should look angry, _sound_ angry. But instead his voice was merely a whimpered plea. 

“you should- ...sh-should-” He began gently leading the other to lie on his stomach on the ground, thankfully as he complied easily, albeit confused when Red began shoveling piles of snow over his body. “just hide here while i, uh… assess the situation. if someone comes, just teleport. but gods not into snowdin!” He took a breather, trying to calm his own nerves, while searching Papyrus’ eyes for understanding. He found confusion, he found fear, but Papyrus nodded shakily. Red let out a low sigh.

“we’ll get you home once it’s safe.”

“red...” Papyrus began hesitantly. “ that’s fucking  _ insane. _ why do i...”  He trailed off, glancing at the cold snow covering him, desperately trying to dust a bit of it off on the parts where it touched his bare bones. Red immediately covered them up again.

“c’mon, people are gonna see your shiny ass hoodie from back  in waterfall.”  He muttered quietly, patting the snow to make it st ick . “they’ll think the fuckin’ sun came to the underground.”  
“oh come on, i’m not  _ that _ fat… yet.”  Red snorted out a short laugh, getting up from his position  of kneeling in the snow again.

“just… stay here a’right?” He asked, trying to ignore the way he almost had to _fight_ a smile. He was still supposed to be angry, if not at least _worried._ _Alarmed._ Papyrus being here was _bad_. He couldn’t, _couldn’t_ start hoping he might stay. That… he _wouldn’t_ have to lose him. It’d be unhealthy, it’d be unfair.

“fine,” Papyrus oblige d , his own smile shrinking again. “be careful?”  
“i promise,” Red  told him, before slowly wandering off into the forest. He was searching for something,  _ anything _ that he could cover Papyrus up with that wouldn’t be as obvious as his current hoodie. But what the hell was he even  _ hoping _ to find? All there was was snow and trees.

And… well. Dust. The more Red wandered through the forest, the clearer it got that this was, in  _ fact _ , his old universe. It was eerily quiet, the air was thick with the smell of death and dust and blood. And if he’d been in a more crowded place he knew he could even smell the  _ fear. _ The fear of all the inhabitants of this universe combined, and it  _ stunk _ . It was a sickening smell of adrenaline.

Thankfully, the forest were fairly free from  _ that _ smell.

Red stopped dead in his tracks the  _ second _ he heard faint footsteps approaching. Thankfully, he was still well hidden in the shadow of the trees, so he doubted whoever was moving closer had  _ seen _ him yet, but he crouched down a little anyways. The smaller he made himself, the smaller was the chance of being spotted. Instead, Red crept along the trees to get a  peek at who was invading his ‘peace.’  
And  in an instant, his heart  dropped to his stomach.

He wasn’t sure who he’d been expecting. He wasn’t expecting  _ anyone _ to be honest. He had just heard someone approaching and went into alarmed-mode, but not once spent a thought, thinking, ‘hardly anyone ever goes here.’ There was nothing interesting about this particular area, and the only people that  _ really _ passed by here were the sentries. And those stationed here were, well, Red and boss.

So when he saw boss _there,_ _before him_ , he shouldn’t have really been that surprised.

“b-boss!” Red blubbered out, his face unable to decide whether to form a large smile or a deep grimace.  He’d be lying if he said he didn’t hesitate. He did hesitate, in fact, the words he spoke felt choked out and thick and every movement felt forced. But in the end he ran, ran up to boss, to his brother, whom was standing frozen on the spot now, staring into the direction Red’s voice had come from.

Red stopped before he reached his brother. Not because he  _ wanted _ to, but because something was holding him. Holding him back. For a split, furious second he thought it was  _ Papyrus, _ that bastard, because  _ he would. _ Out of worry, out of fear, maybe even a hint of jealousy, and while Red couldn’t be  _ all _ mad at him, he knew he  _ would. _

But it hadn’t been Papyrus. It’d been the tight grip of blue magic around his soul.

“YOU...” Boss glowered at him. There was no trace of emotion in his eyes or voice. Red had expected him to be angry, mad even. But instead there was just  _ nothing. _ And it scared him more than an angry boss would. “YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE FUCKING  _ DEAD. _ ”  
“w-wha…?”  
“DO YOU HAVE  _ ANY _ IDEA HOW LONG YOU’VE BEEN MISSING?”

Red shook in the invisible hold, as boss began slowly stepping closer, yet not close enough for either of them to be able to reach out for the other. Not that Red  _ could _ reach out right now.

“f-four months…?” He offered, honestly having forgotten the exact amount of time.

Boss, apparently, hadn’t. “IT’S BEEN THREE MONTHS, FOUR WEEKS AND TWO DAYS.” He growled accusingly. “YOU HAVE BEEN MISSING FOR THREE MONTHS, FOUR WEEKS AND TWO DAYS.”

“i-i’m sorry, i didn’t-! i tried to-”  
“I HAVE BEEN CONVINCED YOU WERE DEAD, SANS.” His brother interrupted him with no second thought. “DUST. AT THE BOTTOM OF WATERFALL. OR MAYBE MIXED WITHIN THE DUST OF THE MANY MONSTERS LIVING HERE. I WASN’T SURE.”  
“b-boss.”  
“WHERE THE  _ FUCK _ HAVE YOU BEEN?”  
And that was a thing Red should’ve probably thought through earlier, he immediately realized. He  _ couldn’t _ tell boss he’d been in a  _ parallel fucking universe. _ But what  _ was _ he supposed to tell him? He’d taken a vacation in Hotland? Visited his pals in the Capital? Yea  _ sure. _

Boss, apparently, didn’t have the patience to wait for an answer anyway, and with a quick motion grabbed Red’s face in a strong hold. Red, forced to look up at his brother now, whimpered a little in terror.

“boss, b-boss, ‘m  _ sorry! _ i’m fucking sorry, i- i  _ tried _ to get back i-”  
“YOU IMBECILE PIECE OF SHIT,”  his brother cursed, and there was so,  _ so _ much venom in his voice. There always had been, of course. Not once Red had  _ honestly _ thought boss didn’t mean the things he said. He had hoped, of course, but he’d always been convinced, with so much  _ hate _ and  _ conviction  _ in his voice, boss  _ had _ to be saying the truth. But now there was absolutely no doubt.

The younger let go of the magic around Red again, roughly dropping the small skeleton to the ground. Before Red could scramble himself up again, hacking a little from the surprising, rough landing, he felt a boot strongly press down his sternum. Red let out a strangled scream.

“boss,  _ please _ , i’m fuckin’ sorry! please,  _ please please please _ .” He wasn’t even sure what he was begging for. For forgiveness? For mercy? He just knew he was  _ scared _ , terrified even. Terrified for his life. And, oh god. If he’d die now, he could never get back to Papyrus. The other skeleton was still lying half buried in the snow, waiting for  _ Red _ to come back, get him home. He’d  _ die _ here on his own. Papyrus would  _ die _ and it’d be Red’s fault. Because he couldn’t keep him safe. Because he couldn’t even keep  _ himself _ safe.

“ I WAS BETTER OFF WITHOUT YOU, YOU KNOW.” His brother continued, ignoring the pleas entirely. Did he even hear Red at all at this point? He wasn’t sure anymore. “I HAVE NO NEED FOR YOU, SANS. I NEVER DID. YOU WERE ALWAYS JUST A BURDEN. A  _ PET.  _ I DON’T NEED YOU. I DON’T  _ WANT _ YOU.”

He wanted to kill him.

“no, no no, nonono, boss c’mon don’t be stupid!” He wailed, struggling under the crushing pressure of his brother’s boot. “i- i can be useful! you like fucking me, please, c’mon boss, i let you do anythin’ with me! j-just- just don’t-”  
“DON’T KILL YOU?”  
And suddenly there was emotion back on his brother’s face again. A large, vile smirk along his teeth. It was wrong, so  _ wrong _ .

“y’can cut me up! a-and chain me to the wall, burn me, beat me up! you- y-you-” Sans hiccuped, starting to struggle catching his breath as he was both running his mouth off as well as hyperventilating, combined with a foot crushing on his rib cage. “i-i’ll fuck the dogs! they a-always pay so well. fuck, b-boss, if i- if i’ll take their knot they p-pay double! please, pleaseplease _please!_ ”  
“TCH, I DON’T NEED THEIR FILTHY MONEY, SANS. I NEED YOU _GONE._ ”  
He was mad, Red decided. Gotten crazy through loneliness, maybe success. He wouldn’t _kill_ Red. He wouldn’t, _wouldn’t._ Not _usually_ at least. Boss hated him and he hated boss and they had the _most_ _unhealthy fucking relationship ever._ But boss had never wanted to kill him, not _once._

“i-i’m begging you bro,” he whimpered as he felt white magic coalescing into a bone-like structure close to his neck. “i’ll get outta your skin. i’ll- i’ll fuckin’ move to hotland, or new home, i’ll stay outta your face, just-”  
“what the fuck!?”

A nd before he could even register what was happening, the weight on Red’s sternum was gone, accompanied by the noise of a  _ thump, _ and he felt long arms gathering him up.  Red didn’t waste a second to turn around in Papyrus’ hold, gripping onto the, from the snow moist hoodie as he began wailing and crying like he just witnessed a near death experience.  
Which was, to be fair, very close to what had happened.

He heard Papyrus let out a series of curses as he held Red as close as he could, one hand stroking his back, albeit tensely so.

“are you alright?” The taller skeleton managed to choke out, his voice sounding wrecked with worry. But Red didn’t answer him,  _ couldn’t. _ He couldn’t form any coherent voice, hardly even  _ thoughts.  _ He was just a crying, terrified mess. So fucking  _ terrified. _

It wasn’t fair, really. Red had  _ wanted _ to die before. Many times had the idea occurred him, occasionally he got as close as to stood on the edge of a cliff or press the end of a sharpened bone to his throat. But he’d never  _ done _ it. Never  _ ended _ it. Because when death had actually been staring back at him, so  _ close _ , so  _ real, _ it had scared the crap out of him. And it still did.

“WHO THE  _ FUCK _ ARE YOU?” His brother  demanded. Red felt Papyrus move up from his crouched down position, but he was still holding close onto him, Red just having to move with him.

“heh, woulda’ve thought you’d recognize a face as handsome as mine.”

Boss didn’t seem to get the hint  _ at all _ , simply scoffed as a reply. “LET GO OF MY PROPERTY.” He commanded instead. “SO I CAN FINISH IT OFF.”  
Red could clearly feel the grip around him tightening. Papyrus’ teeth clenched. “yea, no can’t do that.”  
“WHAT THE  _ FUCK _ ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?”

“ i’m not lettin’ you kill sans.” He said, and there was something dangerous in his voice. Red collected all the power he had to peek up at Papyrus and speak.  
“y’can’t  fight ‘im,” he muttered out weakly. He watched as Papyrus glanced down at him worried for a moment, pondering. But then he shot him a  _ way _ too casual, winning grin, whispering,

“trust me red, i can.” He turned his attention back to boss.  
Red  _ didn’t _ trust him. He  _ wanted _ to, but he couldn’t. Not when boss had  _ so much more _ LV than probably  _ anyone _ that came from Papyrus’ universe. Not when boss had been living fighting, surviving,  _ killing _ his  _ whole _ life and Papyrus probably hadn’t ever even had to fight for his day’s food.

But what was he supposed to do? He wanted to stop him, convince him to do something else,  _ anything _ but trying to fight off boss. But there wasn’t any time. There wasn’t any time for  _ anything _ , so all Red  _ could _ do was to trust Papyrus. Or at least let whatever happens happen.

“ YO U CAN’T KEEP HIM AWAY FROM ME,” his brother scoffed, his voice edging between anger and amusement. “HE  _ BELONGS _ TO ME.”  
“he’s a free fuckin’ monster, ya sick freak.”  
Boss’ face twitched at the remark, but his grin grew. “HE’S ABOUT AS FREE AS ANY MERE SLAVE. BUT FINE, SO BE IT. LET  _ SANS _ CHOOSE WHAT  HE WANTS  TO DO.”  
And that, Red realized, was a bullet proof decision for boss. And, even though  _ neither _ of them wanted to admit it, Papyrus seemed well aware of that too. He didn’t let go of Red.

“red…  _ c’mon. _ he’s  _ dangerous. _ ”  
“he’s my brother!”  
“he wanted to  _ kill _ you.”  
“he- h-he was just upset!” Red knew he was being ridiculous. But he couldn’t  _ not _ try to  _ somehow _ justify his baby brother’s actions. Or maybe justify his  _ own _ actions. His own need to still, even after this, side with boss.

“COME ON. LET GO OF HIM AND WE’LL SEE WHAT HE WANTS,” boss inquired, obvious taunt in his voice.

Papyrus held on for a bit longer, but then obliged with a sigh. He stared down at Red pleadingly, but the small skeleton couldn’t return his gaze. Slowly, like a cautious kitten, he stalked up to boss. The second he arrived by the taller’s side,  a gloved hand was put on Red’s skull, rubbing it roughly.

“GOOD BOY,”  boss  crooned, the words making Red feel fuzzy inside. And he realized quickly, he  _ hated _ this. Hated having those sort of feeling about the  _ one _ person that brought misery to him every single day.

“so what’re you gonna do next, huh?” Papyrus demanded, obviously pissed at Red’s decision, yet the anger was aimed at boss. “take him home so you can kill him _there?_ ”  
“WHAT I DO WITH MY PET IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS, STRANGER. I’D RECOMMEND YOU TO PISS OFF, BEFORE I DECIDE TO ELIMINATE YOU.”  
“ _bullshit_ ,” Papyrus scoffed, such deep hatred in his voice. “you’re fucking _sick!_ i don’t give a _crap_ what this place is like, you’re fucking _disgusti-_ ”  
“ENOUGH!” Boss bellowed, a flurry of bones shooting towards the other skeleton.

“no! fuck, boss,  _ stop! _ ” Red shrieked terrified, only to watch as Papyrus easily teleported out of range of the attack.

“oh no, did i piss you off? do you have a  _ bone _ to pick with me now?”  
“I’LL WIPE YOUR UGLY FACE OFF THIS PLANET!” Boss growled, sending another attack after his double. “HOW  _ DARE _ YOU TALK BACK TO ME LIKE THAT!”  
“boss  _ stop! _ ” Red whined, but got shut up with a tight fist around his neck. A choked noise escaped him, as he immediately began scratching and tugging along boss’ hand to get it  _ off. _ To no avail, of course.  _ Of course. _

“YOU HAVE NO FUCKING SAY IN THIS.” His brother stated, his eyes trained on the area around him, searching for where his enemy might’ve ‘ported to this time. “ I’LL KILL YOUR IDIOTIC FRIEND, THEN I’LL KILL YO-”

“boss!” Red screeched, as the fist around his neck loosened within seconds, his brother’s figure dropping. Red tried to catch him, but with boss being so much taller than him, he just landed on his knees on the ground  _ with _ him. And there he watched, eyes wide in terror, as the bone of orange magic, buried deep into the back of boss’ skull, slowly dissipated into waste, flaked magic.

I mmediately, he began sobbing, crying. Mostly almost only out of shock than anything else. Absently, Red could feel Papyrus gently circling his thumb on his shoulder.

The attack had disappeared without leaving a mark, a scar, not even a  _ scratch. _ It wouldn’t, of course. Most magical attack couldn’t hurt your  _ physical _ body. Orange and cyan magic couldn’t, green  _ especially _ couldn’t. Only white magic could, being the most purest, concentrated form, but even then it did way more magical than physical damage.

_ Scars _ came from fist or knife fights mostly.

“he’s fine,” Papyrus assured him, but Red had figured that out already. Boss’ magic was still humming evenly through the unconscious skeleton’s bones. “just knocked him out. i’m… sorry you had to see that.” Red wasn’t angry, of course. He couldn’t be. He was too fucking tired. Too fucking shocked. Too drained. But also, Papyrus had  _ saved _ him.  _ All _ Papyrus had done here, or  _ ever _ since they’d met, had been for Red’s best. He just wanted to help, always just wanted to help. And even if he  _ did _ fuck up sometimes, he, not  _ once _ , did it intentionally.

“c-can we… bring him home?” Red croaked out, his voice barely more than a whisper. Surprised at the request, Papyrus paused for a moment, but eventually nodded, giving Red a one-armed hug.

“of course. hold on tight,” he said, before teleporting the three of them into Red’s and boss’ house.

Immediately Papyrus deposited the unconscious skeleton on the couch.

Red wanted to run up to him, check if he’s okay, _of course_ he would be okay, but there were more important matters to discuss first. Silently standing next to Papyrus, Red gently tug at his hoodie to grab the other’s attention.

“c-can… you check if the machine’s up? ‘s in the workshop. i, uh… i wanna s-stay with boss for now.”  
For a moment Papyrus looked as if he was going to refuse. As if he wouldn’t let Red alone, or wouldn’t want to go back to his universe, but eventually he gave a short nod.

“’fcourse,” he said. “i’ll be back in a sec.” And he disappeared into thin air.

Finally, Red moved forward. Hesitantly at first, as if his brother would jump up any second to get to his throat again. But he moved forward, kneeling down at boss’ side. The taller skeleton didn’t look like he was in pain, hardly looked like he was hurt at all, but checking his HP he could see it dropped down to 30/1360 HP. How Papyrus could’ve _possibly_ done all that damage with one hit was more than beyond him. Maybe boss’d been in a battle before. Maybe he had let his defenses down to much. He wasn’t sure, but if he’d leave boss with an HP low as that, he’d get eaten alive.

Shakily, Red moved his hand over the taller skeleton’s chest plate, searching where his soul would be located and letting weak healing magic seep through. He wasn’t any good at it, but it was best he could do.

What was he thinking? Boss hardly needed his healing! He’d wake up again and healed himself, ate some monster food. Boss’ll be fine. He’s been through worse.

The strong, sudden smell of smoke was what made Red flinch his hand back to his body. 34/1360 HP. Red turned around to Papyrus, who’d appeared in the room once more, lit cigarette between his teeth. He got up, walking towards him to hug the taller’s abdomen before, after a few seconds, holding his hand up in a silent request for a cigarette. Papyrus picked his own from between his teeth, handing it to Red for him to finish. Thankfully he took a long drag, letting the smoke spread inside his ribs.  
“...so?”  
“the machine’s up, seems functioning, too. you’re the only one who knows how to use it, though.”  
Still holding onto Papyrus, Red nodded as he took smaller drags of his cigarette. “i’ll get it started in a sec…” He muttered, barely loud enough for Papyrus to hear.

He didn’t… _want_ to get it started. Didn’t want to have to say goodbye _again._ Didn’t want to be alone with boss.

Oh god, if boss would wake up again, he’d be even more mad than before. He’d kill Red for _sure,_ if not even ask him where Papyrus had gone to and hunt him down as well. He could flee, of course. Go to Hotlands, maybe get a job in the labs. He knew Dr. Alphys had cameras everywhere, so he could even keep an eye on his little brother that way, but… it didn’t seem right. It didn’t seem safer either. Somehow Red had the inkling that boss wouldn’t be happy with that. That, when he said he’d want him gone, he meant _gone._ He hadn’t realized he’d started shaking, until Papyrus crouched down to his height, lying an arm around him.

“hey, red, ‘s gonna be fine,” he muttered, his teeth close to Red’s cheek as he placed a gentle kiss there. Red felt sick, felt like crying.

“i’m gonna die,” he said, and the second that he did, began crying pathetically. “he’s gonna _kill_ me! he- p-papyrus why- why does he _hate_ me so much?”  
“i don’t know. it’s not fair,” Papyrus told him, and _god,_ it wasn’t. It _wasn’t_ fair. “i’m not gonna let him kill you. please, _please_ red. come back.”  
“b-but-”  
“i’m gonna be fucking blunt with you, red. he wants to _kill_ you. no one’s gonna win from it if you’re gonna let him.”  
He was right, but… “h-he’s just mad. he’s just… i don’t know! he normally doesn’t want to _kill_ me. he’s probably just shocked.”  
“maybe, maybe he is. but that doesn’t justify it. red. _sans,_ _please._ ” Papyrus begged, pulling Red closer towards him. Quickly the small skeleton stuffed the finished cigarette out, letting it drop on the ground before wrapping his arm around Papyrus again.

“he’s my brother,” he murmured, knowing exactly what a shit dumb excuse that was, how often he’d used it, how little it _mattered_ at this point. “i- i can’t abandon him.”  
“you’re not abandoning him. he wants to kill you. he wants to get rid of you, red, you’ll just be- ...just be giving him what he wants.” His voice grew weaker around the end, knowing that the truth would hurt Red. And it did. “heck, you can even tell him. tell him you’re leaving, red, and tell him _why._ ”  
“what would that matter,” the small skeleton grumbled.

“it’d make him think. maybe he’ll realize he’s fucked up.”  
“so?”  
Papyrus let out a sigh, but continued. “we can come back. in some months maybe, a year. we can… _you_ can talk to him. and see if he’s ready to accept you in his life. red, _this_ is not a one-time-chance. the machines are running and we got the coordinates. we can come back if you want.”  
It was true, of course. It was, strictly speaking, an extremely dangerous plan. They couldn’t just suddenly decide to travel through universes all the time. But, he figured, this was an exception. This was a… good reason. It was a _life or death_ situation after all. Red would _die_ if he’d stay here.

“m’kay,” he muttered quietly into Papyrus hoodie, but he could feel the other’s tension escaping a little.

“fuck, you don’t know how glad i am to hear that,” he whispered, placing kisses along the crown of red’s skull. “i don’t know what i would’ve done if you’d’ve stayed here. i’d be so scared, god, i _was_ so scared.”

The two held each other in silence, welcoming the other’s presence with almost no disturbance. If it wouldn’t be for the still sleeping danger in the room with them, Red could’ve probably fallen asleep in Papyrus’ arms himself. But he didn’t. Didn’t even get tired. He just stood there in Papyrus’ arms, quietly, waiting.

And then he screamed, his hands tightening around Papyrus’ hoodie, as the other’s arms held him closer. A bone had been flung after them, missing only by a hairline and instead slamming into the TV behind them.

“LET GO. OF MY. _BROTHER._ ”

Papyrus didn’t, kept his hold on Red, but gave the small skeleton enough room to turn around to face boss. He looked furious, he looked _livid._ He looked more than ready to kill _both_ of them if he had to.

“b-boss.” Red began, trying to sound as confident as he did absolutely not fucking feel at all. “i’m n-not… not… i-i’m _not_ letting you kill me.”  
His brother barked out a laugh. A loud, ugly, laugh. “WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO? KILL ME FIRST?”  
“no, i’m gonna leave. i’m not fucking killin’ you, bro, i’m not that low.” Red retorted, confidence building up due to the shock that _boss_ , his _brother_ thought he’d try to _kill_ him.  
“I’M GOING TO FIND YOU, YOU KNOW.” Boss continued anyway, but he seemed taken aback, if only a little. “I’M GOING TO FIND YOU AND I’M GOING TO KILL YOU.”  
“n-no. you’re not,” Red promised. “you’re not gonna find me. you’re not gonna kill me. _this,_ ” he said, making a vague motion with his hands, “is your last chance in doing so. in killing me. and pap here won’t let ya do that.” He gave a little pat to Papyrus’ arm around him to punctuate his point.

“you’re doin’ great,” he heard the taller whisper, squeezing him gently to remind him he’s _safe_ with him here.

“WHAT THE FUCK _IS_ THIS!?” Boss growled angrily. “YOU JUST RUN OFF FOR MONTHS TO- WHAT? FIND A NEW _MATE?_ ABANDON ME?”  
“now hold on! sans had been trying to get back to your ungrateful ass for _months_!” Papyrus shot back in lieu of Red, surprising both of them. “he’s not _abandoning_ you, and even _if_ he would be he’d have the right to.”  
“HE- _YOU_ , SANS, CHEATED ON ME. WITH _HIM?_ ”  
Fuming with anger Red stared at him, at his brother in disbelieve. Not just was he just outright _assuming_ that, he had also _no fucking right_ to even care _who_ Red would be involved with. But what would boss care, right? When did boss _ever_ care about Red’s privacy. He burst out laughing.

“cheated on you! oh, that’s fuckin’ _rich_ bro!” He barked out, his mouth splitting into a painful grin. “you fucking _raped_ me. you used me, _sold me out to strangers_ , and now you have the fucking _guts_ to tell me i _cheated_ on you!”  
“YOU BELONG TO M-”  
“ _fuck_ you, boss.” Red spat. He was sick of this, sick of his brother’s fucking ego, sick of his brother’s fucking possessiveness. He didn’t _belong_ to him and he didn’t _want_ to anymore.

Moving a hand to his neck, Red tore off the old leather collar around it, tossing it to the ground before boss. “i’m done here.” He said, before teleporting both himself and Papyrus into the workshop.

He broke down crying once he arrived there, but he wasn’t alone. Papyrus held him, telling him he was okay, calming him down until he was and Red was able to start up the machine.

And then they went home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yep  
> here we are  
> this was the last chapter
> 
> i'll post an epilogue soon, but it'll be _very_ short, possibly even shorter than the intermission
> 
> MAN this was a ride


	34. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh man!! so many nice comments, you guys, i'm so happy!! i'm sorry i won't reply to all (maybe any) of them, im just rly awkward and wouldnt know what to say except thank you so much!!! but i really fucking appreciate- no, love every single comment i get so !! yea.  
> i'm so glad you all liked this fic so much?? i'm honestly still really surprised so many even read it considering 80% of it was made up on the spot and this never was supposed to be a long fic at all  
> yet here we are, 100+ pages and this is the first not one-shot fic i finished _ever_  
>  but don't worry  
> things dont have to be over yet
> 
> more to that in the end notes, enjoy the super short epilogue

****Blue was crying when they finally came back. Within seconds he tackled Papyrus, crying into his chest as delivered him weak punches that would’ve startled Red, if it wouldn’t be _Papyrus_ underneath the small skeleton.

“DON’T _DO_ THAT TO ME!!!” He wailed pathetically. “DON’T SCARE ME LIKE THAT! OH PAPY, I WAS SO WORRIED! I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT BE GONE _FOREVER_!”

Papyrus chuckled a little, but there was guilt in his voice. “’m sorry bro,” he said, hugging his brother close. “that was really stupid, huh?”  
“YES IT WAS!!! YOU COULD’VE GOTTEN HURT, OR LOST, OR-” He paused abruptly, spinning around so suddenly that he almost tossed Papyrus to the ground in the process. “RED!!!” He said, abandoning his dumbfounded brother to run over to his double, giving him a crushing hug. Red let out a surprised, wheezed laugh, but gently put his arms around the other. “YOU’RE BACK!”  
“heh, yea looks like it,” Red replied, a gentle smile on his face.

“HOW… HOW COME? IS EVERYTHING OKAY?” Blue immediately worried, peeling off Red a little again to check him up and down.  
“yea, ‘m fine, just...” He sighed. “i’ll tell ya what happened later, a’right?” Red offered with a small, exhausted smile. He could feel a second pair of arms wrapping around the both of them, as Papyrus turned their embrace into a group hug.  
“he’s gonna stay with us, ‘s that alright?” He asked his brother, but wasn’t really expecting him to say no in first place. And he didn’t, of course, welcoming Red with open arms. The blue ball of excitement was already beginning to plan a whole house expansion, adding a new bedroom for Red, and wouldn’t stop until the two told him that Red would be just fine sharing a room with Papyrus.

And with that, this was decided. This was going to be a thing. A thing that was happening. He was going to live here, _actually_ live here for at least the next year, if not even longer. He’s already had trouble leaving after less than four months, he didn’t know if he could bring himself to after another year. Yet…

He _already_ missed boss. He’s missed him the second he decided to leave. He’d regretted yelling at him the second the words had left his mouth and he wanted the collar back on since the moment he’d ripped it off.

It was _sick,_ it was disgusting. He felt gross all over from the thought of it, from the thought that after all boss had done to him he _still_ felt that way. He _still_ felt so _strongly._

Things weren’t going to be fine that easily. Things weren’t ‘finally over.’ He wasn’t ‘finally free’ or anything of the sorts. He was still trapped and everything boss had ever done to him was still haunting Red, would haunt him for a long time. He hadn’t freed himself, he merely gotten a step closer on getting better.

Things weren’t fine.

But they were _going_ to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the comments!! I've decided for Path 1 and started a sequel under the Title Finding a Way!!
> 
>  
> 
> ~~so you guys, i need your advice~~   
>  ~~I have like vaguely 2 maybe 3 ideas of general things happening and one idea of an exact scene happening for a sequel, but that's not a lot~~   
>  ~~so i'm standing in front of three paths (looks like no path turned to three, heh):~~
> 
> ~~1) I start a sequel fic right away~~   
>  ~~pros: complete fic is cooler than a bunch of oneshots imo~~   
>  ~~cons: i'll have to make up a lot on the spot again, it'll be slow since i'll be focusing on other fics~~
> 
> ~~2) I just write a bunch of oneshots without any order, perhaps a sequel one day and put the oneshots in it~~   
>  ~~pros: i get to write the ideas i have immediately, i won't have to make up stuff on the spot bc i'll only be using ideas i already have for the oneshots  
>  ~~cons: if i do write a sequel and you already read the oneshots, you'll know parts of what will happen already~~~~
> 
> ~~~~~~3) I don't post anything until I have a good plan sprawled out before me  
>  ~~pros: the adult decision to do, no spoilers, good planning  
>  ~~cons: im not an adult, im an impatient baby, maybe i'll lose interest and end up _never_ writing the sequel~~~~~~
> 
> ~~~~~~~~ ~~ ~~
> 
> ~~~~~~~~vote now in the comments~~ ~~ ~~ ~~

**Author's Note:**

> So check it, I started the Sequel:  
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/8473399/chapters/19415362


End file.
